


Battle Expectations

by Kiayla



Series: Inconstancy and Devotion [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Bad at Listening to Tsunade, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Choosing to Have Sex Is Okay, Hatake Kakashi Being an Idiot, Hatake Kakashi Has PTSD, Hatake Kakashi Is Impatient, Hatake Kakashi Is Trying, Hatake Kakashi Needs a Hug, Hatake Kakashi is the Reason Hatake Kakashi is Lonely, Hatake Kakashi-centric, Hokage Hatake Kakashi, I Wasn't Kidding About the Slow Burn, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Konohagakure | Hidden Leaf Village, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Minor Hyuuga Hinata/Uzumaki Naruto, Minor Original Character(s), No Smut, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Hatake Kakashi, Pack Dynamics, Psychological Torture, Rokudaime Hatake Kakashi, Secondary Gender Confusion, Secondary Gender Reveal, Sex Toys, Slow Burn, Slut Shaming, Slut Shaming Is Not Okay, Spoilers, Umino Iruka Needs a Hug, Umino Iruka is Missing, Umino Iruka is Too Tolerant, Umino Iruka-centric, konoha hospital, spoilers like WHOA
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-17 23:47:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 26
Words: 54,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29600571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiayla/pseuds/Kiayla
Summary: They skittered apart from one another, half-empty bottles and pint glasses tumbling from tabletops, shattering and sending alcohol running across the floor, as the two men put distance between themselves at any cost."Alpha?" he gaped, though no sound came out."Omega," the other hissed back, equally soundlessly.Updated daily.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi & Pakkun, Hatake Kakashi & Tsunade, Hatake Kakashi & Umino Iruka, Hatake Kakashi & Yamato | Tenzou, Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka
Series: Inconstancy and Devotion [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2174706
Comments: 135
Kudos: 229





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Part I will have violence but no smut. ~~I may or may not write a part II. If I do, it will have smut (probably).~~ Edit: I am writing a part II. It ~~will~~ does have smut ~~(probably)~~.
> 
> Beginning 20 Feb 2021, I will publish one chapter daily for the 28 days. Enjoy!
> 
> Edit 1 March: I forgot to mention that I've never done A/B/O dynamics before and I really know next to nothing about the... genre? Is it a genre? Anyway, forgive any weirdness/inconsistencies/things I made up because they were convenient to me. Or don't, I guess; I'm not the boss of you.  
> In any case, I hope you enjoy this story regardless!

_ About three and a half years ago _

"Buntaichō?" Yamato's voice was a whisper, barely breathed in his ear.

Kakashi shook his head silently, single eye fixed on the run-down, half-charred building. _We'll keep watch 24 more hours. Change shift in four_ , he signed without looking away.

He felt rather than saw the nod, then he was alone in the tree once more.

He wasn't fond of sitting in trees, particularly when he couldn't read, but this was too important to let his focus falter. Instead, he let himself fall into an almost meditative state, one in which the world focused down into the dilapidated building down below him.

They had been watching it for two days now. Ordinarily, they would have either gone in and swept the building, looking for signs of life, or they would have left, but something didn't sit right with Kakashi about this situation. He trusted his instincts, even if he wasn't completely sure why they told him the things they did.

The hours passed excruciatingly slowly, and it was only the ember of unease in his gut that made him wait so patiently through the hours as the sun sank down in the sky.

Innumerable things could have been frustrating him. He could smell nothing but raw forest and the dry, crumbly wood of the rotting cabin below. The birds sang, carefree, and down below, a boar rooted in the brush for a meal. Insects buzzed and bit and flitted, leaving behind itches that went unscratched. The leaves susurrated in the faint breeze, unbothered by the strange tightness in Kakashi's gut that murmured, _Something's wrong_.

But Kakashi was a professional. He didn't let himself get frustrated. Instead, he waited, listening, smelling, and watching for even the slightest hint of something amiss.

It struck him as Yamato appeared silently beside him once more, the faintest haze of smoke clinging to his uniform from the fire they'd lit five days ago.

Smoke.

There was no smell of smoke.

The building had not been burned when the scouting party had found it three weeks ago, and there was no amount of rain in that time that could have so completely washed away the smell of smoke that should have clung to the building.

Kakashi cursed under his breath and quickly signed, _Genjutsu_.

Kakashi knew, without looking, that Yamato's eyes would be widening the tiniest fraction beneath his porcelain mask.

Kakashi had a kunai palmed in one hand before Yamato had even vanished to update the rest of the team.

Kakashi pulled his hitai-ate up beneath his own porcelain mask before flexing open his sharingan eye.

He held back the curse that laid on his lips. He was right about it being genjutsu, now that he was looking at the building through the sharingan.

He let his eye close, waiting for the sign that the rest of his team were aware of the situation. If the genjutsu alerted its caster when broken, they would need to coordinate their dissipation of it.

The bird call was native to this area but held a minor variation in its trill that identified it as one of his teammates. Instantly, he slammed his hands together around the kunai in the tiger seal, flooding his body with chakra, as he ground out from between gritted teeth, " _Kai_!" Somewhere far away, he heard three other voices echoing the word. 

The world rippled around him, feeling briefly like the roll of the earth during a quake, then it settled.

There before him lay a whole building, seals carved into the posts at each corner. Two shinobi stood talking in low voices in front of the door, obviously keeping guard, albeit poorly. The spikes of grass on their hitai-ate had been slashed through. The one to the left of the door held himself like a jōnin; the one on the right seemed less predatory. A chūnin, probably.

Someone moved in front of one of the windows, a brief shadow before vanishing once more. Had the release of the genjutsu alerted anyone to their presence?

A burst of muffled laughter broke from the house, and Kakashi felt himself relax just a fraction of a hair. It seemed his team remained unnoticed.

He whistled, once, then dropped down and sprinted at full speed to the two guards.

He engaged the jōnin, downing him before either of the two men knew what had hit them. Rat took out the other man.

Behind them, wooden beams burst from Yamato's arm, tearing through the window frames, blocking off the exits.

The door smashed open violently as a woman with flowing red hair threw a fireball out towards the team. Kakashi leapt away, but the knob of the door caught Rat's arm, knocking him off-balance. Kakashi could smell the burned flesh as Rat grabbed his bare and abruptly disgustingly raw shoulder, a grunt his only concession to the pain. He beat out the fire still eating at his uniform shirt, his right hand hanging limp at his side. He leapt away into the trees as Badger leaped forward, a katana held horizontally across her person.

Kakashi and Yamato leapt back into formation with Badger, and the woman with the altogether disconcertingly soft-looking hair sprinted forward, her hands forming seals once more.

She spun as Kakashi blurred past her.

"I'm your opponent," Badger hissed, her sword slashing through the air at the woman. Kakashi heard the clang of metal on metal before he and Yamato stormed the building.

It was tidy inside, with furniture that had seen better days. A cold, disconnected part of Kakashi's brain took in the state of the building.

It had once been a safe house for a hidden village that had long since fallen, as evidenced by the rusted pots in the kitchen and the curled yellow seal paper set with back-up gear. The current group of missing-nin were tidy and organized. He saw the shattered glass by the back window, and without his having to say anything, Yamato was out in pursuit of the escapee.

"P– please, spare me, please, Alpha-san," a voice blubbered at him from his left. "Please. I didn't do anything."

Kakashi's gaze snapped down to the speaker. The stink of bloody death clung to Kakashi like a macabre cologne, and Kakashi knew well that his body's predatory grace revealed him to be an apex predator. It was little wonder the boy had addressed him as "Alpha-san."

The boy couldn't be older than 12 or 13 at most. Just older than Minato-sensei's son. He had brown, shoulder-length hair and a scar on one cheek that, absurdly, reminded Kakashi of a certain Academy sensei. The boy's throat, long and bared up at Kakashi, exuded the bitter perfume of terrified omega pheromones densely into the stale air.

The tears running down the young boy's face, the overwhelmingly submissive, terrified pheromones pouring off his skin, and the quailing figure, pressed back into the corner of the room, spoke of one thing.

The entry in the Bingo Book and the trail of tortured deaths that had brought Kakashi's team here said another.

Even an omega could be a ruthless killer.

His face was impassive below the mask as he made certain that this house marked the end of that trail.

His heart remembered a certain Academy sensei's smile, and another hairline fracture appeared at the edges of his soul.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Throughout this work, translations from Japanese to English are based loosely on those in the anime/novels, but I re-translated as I saw fit.
> 
> Unbeta'ed; feedback and critiques welcome, flames ignored.


	2. Chapter 2

_ About three years ago _

"I formally receive your report." Iruka hesitated, then smiled disarmingly. "Is Naruto getting along with the others?"

Kakashi hummed, a little startled at the question. It wasn't that Iruka was antisocial; in fact, he often offered tidbits of conversation to returning shinobi upon accepting mission reports, as long as there weren't lines or it wasn't too terribly late in the evening. But the faint blush that rose on his cheekbones was new. And attractive. Kakashi mentally kicked himself, hard.

"Maa... he's improving," he said, grasping for something to tell Iruka. Surely, Naruto had told Iruka all about their recent misadventures?

"I've been busy lately," Iruka confided, scratching his cheekbone ruefully. "I haven't had a chance to see him even once since his return. I get concerned." The blush rose further. Iruka really was like a mother hen.

An image of a scarred-cheek omega, manipulative and cunning in his tears, rushed into Kakashi's mind. His stomach turned unpleasantly. He forced himself to put on the most impersonal, professional smile that he could muster. The absolute last thing he needed in his life was to catch feelings. Particularly about someone who was clearly an omega.

"As you know, Iruka-sensei, Sasuke is also in our squad. And Naruto sees him as a rival, which is a little... straining." To say the least. Just thinking about it made Kakashi exhausted. "But the result is that his abilities are developing significantly. Soon, he might reach those of the person he respects: you."

"Is that so?" Iruka asked, sounding too relieved, smiling behind his inevitable facade of professionalism.

Iruka's emotive nature made him an unmitigated disaster when it came to field work. At the same time, though, it was a little amusing to see how openly he wore his heart on his sleeve. Sandaime had been right to assign Naruto to Iruka's class, all those years ago.

It was less amusing later that night, when Kakashi found himself in his brown wig and eye patch and civilian clothes, lurking at one end of the bar, nursing a hot sake, and Iruka was surrounded by a group of friends, all laughing, one young man hanging off Iruka's elbow and a young woman leaning across his back, her chin propped up on his shoulder.

Iruka's smile rivaled Gai's in its brightness, an alcohol-induced flush coloring his cheeks and ears, and his laughter carried brightly across the room. He turned and whispered something in Izumo's ear.

Izumo's visible eye went wide as he flushed bright red, but a smile grew across his face. He held up a drink, shouting, "Cheers to that!" A number of others tipsily followed suit.

It wasn't that Kakashi wanted a rowdy group of friends hanging off his every word. He could certainly have that if he wanted, after all. Asuma and Kurenai were always inviting him to go out with their friends, and apparently Anko was quite entertaining when drunk.

But their friends, jōnin and Anbu, didn't laugh the way the chūnin did. They didn't flush, bright-eyed, like Iruka and his friends did, as they laughed. There was something dark in jōnin, something that felt like the grit of old blood on a poorly-cleaned kunai.

Kakashi threw back his drink and focused for several long, unpleasant seconds on keeping the drink in his stomach. His hormones were messing with his head, that was all. He'd come here to find a friendly beta to share his bed for the next few nights, and it was high time he forgot his jealousy of Iruka and got on with it.

It struck him several months later, when he was once more at the bar, isolated in the eye of the storm. Again, Iruka stood surrounded by his somehow-still-so-innocent friends, again laughing, eyes sparkling, wearing the thousand-watt smile that only turned on after he was off the clock.

Kakashi wasn't jealous of Iruka for being surrounded by people full of so much goodness.

He was jealous of Iruka's friends, for having that unreserved smile turned upon them. He wanted to talk to Iruka, to tell him secrets that he knew should accompany him to the grave.

This was worse than he thought.

He didn't even finish his drink. He threw money on the counter and flickered home, locking himself into his apartment, alone. It was time to nip his feelings in the bud.

It turned out the chūnin exam nominations solved that problem for him.


	3. Chapter 3

_ About a year ago _

"I can't accept this report," Iruka snapped, shaking the paper at Kakashi. "I swear, these get worse every mission! You need to fill out sections 2-C, 3-A, and 6-C. You know this!"

"Maa. I got distracted," Kakashi said lightly.

"Kakashi-san, we have tables for you to fill these out in here," Iruka ground out, still shoving the paper in Kakashi's direction. "Please go complete this so I can file it."

Kakashi smiled brightly. "I don't have a pen."

Iruka threw a pen at him with perhaps a little more force than necessary, ignoring the looks they got from some of the other people in the room.

"Any other problems?" Iruka demanded.

"It seems like a lot of work," Kakashi said, shrugging.

"It is literally part of your job, shinobi-san," Iruka yelled, his face beginning to color. He was now completely committed to ignoring everyone else in the room. "The mission cannot be marked as complete until the mission report is completed! It cannot be filed unless you fill it out correctly, and you cannot be paid if it can't be filed!"

"Maa, sensei, I'm flattered that you worry so much about my finances, but usually that happens after two people are married."

Iruka was now bright red. " _Augh_! Just fill out the form, Hatake-jōnin!" he shouted, throwing the form at Kakashi. Kakashi caught it without looking at it.

"If it will really make you that happy," Kakashi said lazily.

"It really, really would," Iruka said, slumping down in his seat, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Why didn't you just say so?" Kakashi asked, smiling cheerfully over his mask.

Iruka groaned wordlessly.

Kakashi found a table and began completing his form.

"You're going to give him an aneurism one day," Genma remarked from the couch nearest Kakashi.

"If Naruto couldn't give him an aneurism, I won't be able to," Kakashi replied without looking up. Their voices were low enough that over the other people in the room talking, Iruka wouldn't be able to hear them.

"If it turns out you're wrong about that, Tsunade-sama is going to murder you," Genma said casually.

"If it turns out I'm wrong about that, I probably deserve to be murdered," Kakashi acknowledged. "I'm pretty sure I haven't given anyone an aneurism yet."

"Why don't you just, you know, talk to him?" Genma asked mildly.

"Why don't you just keep your nose out of my business?" Kakashi asked, just as mildly. "Besides, you're not one to talk."

"That's none of your business," Genma growled.

Kakashi thought for a moment, added a brief comment to section 3-A, then said, "Exactly my point. Excuse me."

He turned on his heel and got back in Iruka's line to turn his form in and return Iruka's pen.

Once the two shinobi in line before him had been helped and departed, Kakashi handed the pen and paper to Iruka. Iruka eyed them suspiciously, but eventually found the report to his liking.

"Thank you for your hard work, Kakashi-san," Iruka said with a tired smile. There was a weight to the smile. The weight had appeared when Sasuke had abandoned the village last year, and had grown only heavier when Naruto went to train with Jiraiya.

Kakashi let himself smile back, his eye curving over his mask.

"Thanks." He turned to leave.

"Have you heard from Naruto lately?"

Kakashi stopped at the teacher's question, but he didn't look back over his shoulder.

"No, I haven't," he said.

"That brat," Iruka groused. "I thought he would have written to you by now."

"Maa, he's busy," Kakashi said, throwing a smile over his shoulder. "You're one of his precious people."

An apricot blush dusted Iruka's cheekbones and crossed his nose, making his scar stand a little more prominently against his olive skin. Kakashi idly remembered a time when he'd been a little obsessed with Iruka's blushes, and how attractive they made the scar that stretched over his nose.

"Mm?" Kakashi asked. He'd missed whatever it was that Iruka had just said.

"I said, you're one of his precious people, too," Iruka repeated. His smile wavered. "You look tired. You should get some rest."

"Yes, I think I will," Kakashi said, his own smile sliding from his face, too heavy to keep wearing.

He turned and left. What he needed was a nice, relaxing solo A-rank mission.


	4. Chapter 4

_ Today _

Kakashi pushed his body to its limits as he ran. His lungs burned, his calves screamed, and he had a stitch in his side, but he needed to return. He needed to be back by this evening.

He had suppressants burning a hole in his inner pocket, and he tried not to think about them. He wouldn't take them unless it was absolutely necessary; they messed unpleasantly with his body, slowed him down, made him heachachy and sick, made his joints feel like they were in the wrong places in his body. He should have been back two days ago. He shouldn't even have to be thinking about the suppressants weighing too heavily in his pocket.

He hadn't eaten in almost 36 hours, which helped. His body was burning low on energy anyway, and he'd found that it slowed his unnecessary metabolic processes down. He would make it back in time to find someone to help him ride the waves of his unwanted cycle.

As it did every time he had the thought, he had to force the roiling feeling in his stomach down. He would have time – if he could stand to do so. The idea of  _ having _ to sleep with someone made him sick.

He ran.

After several hours of nonstop running, he stopped, a gloved palm catching on ragged bark as he leaned against the tree trunk. He could feel the strain on his chakra of holding back the hormones. It wasn't really chakra he could spare, but he was far more functional this way.

His whole body was trembling.

Exertion from the mission, exertion from holding his own body from its native state, exertion from holding back the gruesome thoughts that dogged him; all of these things weighed on him, making his body tremble.

He could see the gates of Konoha looming like a lover's smile before him. He needed to focus.

It was ironic, really. He'd just come back from another nice solo A-rank mission that had involved espionage and fierce fighting against multiple skilled opponents, and it had been kill or be killed, yet this part, the part in which he had to pull himself together to walk back through the gates of his home, was the most intimidating part of his journey.

He took long breaths, letting his heart rate slow and his breathing go deep and long. Sweat had dampened his hitai-ate and mask, and he knew he was rank with the reek of old sweat and dried blood and the decay of that nasty swamp he'd had to wade through four days ago. A cool, disconnected part of him idly wondered if he'd even be able to salvage his uniform, or if it would need to be burned to purge the smell from his person.

The cuts littering his body had, for the most part, gotten infected from that swamp, which certainly wasn't helping matters.

The trained soldier within him decided that this was as put-together as he was going to get without making it home and taking a bath. (It never even occurred to him to go to the hospital, since he hadn't broken anything and didn't have any infections that were life-threatening. The worst he'd gotten was two slashes, one on his abdomen and one on his dominant arm, that he'd needed to stitch up in the field, and a sprained wrist.)

He leapt down to the path, wobbled precariously for a moment so brief that it would have been unnoticeable to almost anyone, and slouched down to the gates.

"Yo," he said tiredly to the pair on gate duty.

"Welcome home, Kakashi-san," Izumo said politely.

Kotetsu looked up, startled. "You _reek_."

Even Izumo, who was exceptionally good at keeping his expression neutral, had gone a little wide-eyed at the smell, but he still elbowed Kotetsu in the ribs.

"Good thing I have a cold and can't smell a thing," Kakashi quipped. He didn't, actually, but his nose had acclimated to his awful smell, so it only made him a little dizzy at this point.

"I'll say," Kotetsu said, making a face. "Go take a bath, Kakashi-san."

"Yeah," Kakashi said, letting his eye curve into a smile over his mask. "Thanks."

"Is there anything we should report to the Hokage before you turn in your mission report?" Izumo asked politely, correctly guessing that Kakashi meant to bathe before turning in the report.

"Mission success, no losses," Kakashi said simply. "See you."

"See you later, Kakashi-san," Izumo said.

Kakashi was gone before he could see whether Kotetsu had waved.

He made himself flicker to his apartment, mostly to spare the citizens of Konoha from a noseful of his past two weeks. He wouldn't wish the smell on his worst enemy. Still, he barely had the energy to flicker so far, and he collapsed against the door as he unlocked it.

He felt the overexuberant presence as the door across the hall opened behind him.

"My greatest riv–! Ohh," Gai said, backing up a step back into his own apartment, nose pinched between his thumb and forefinger.

"Yeah, I know," Kakashi said, too tired to say more. "Later, okay?"

"Yeah," Gai said weakly. "I was just about to go pick up some food. I'll get you something."

"Thanks, Gai," Kakashi said gratefully as he finally managed to work the lock.

He stumbled into his tiny apartment, kicking the door closed behind him as he began shedding the disgustingly crunchy clothes he'd been wearing for _far_ too long.

Shirt, pants, gloves, hitai-ate, masked undershirt, mesh armor, and underwear went in one heap; the arm and leg wrappings went in another. The pockets of his flak jacket and his weapons pouches would need to be emptied before they could be washed, so he set those aside.

He grabbed a standalone mask and tied it on over his face, then pulled the yukata from his closet and wrapped it around himself, tying the obi loosely.

His masked undershirt was the cleanest article of his uniform, so he bundled the rest of his clothes into the shirt to carry them to the laundry room. He grabbed his toiletry kit and a towel from his closet and tucked the towel under his elbow. Toiletry kit in one hand, dirty clothes in the other, slippers on his tired feet, he made his way out of his apartment to take care of his clothes and body.

Laundry went into an empty washer/dryer combo unit, strong detergent provided by the building tipped into the detergent drawer, and Kakashi fed coins from his toiletry kit into the machine to start the cycle.

The baths were thankfully empty, but he still took one of the individual shower stalls, sealing the door behind him so he could wash in peace.

He washed quickly but thoroughly, using the standard scentless soaps and shampoo, and shaved without looking in the mirror. Smelling like nothing was marvelous beyond words.

Well, smelling like almost nothing, anyway. Even with his excellent chakra control, he could smell the hormones beginning to leak into his system and out of his pores. The scent was only strong enough that he, an Inuzuka, or canids would be able to smell them without being right up next to his skin. It wasn't substantially more than his normal scent, though, so he wasn't worried.

He dried himself and put the yukata back on, ignoring the slight smell it had picked up from his skin before he'd washed. It would need to be washed, he knew, but that was a problem for Future Kakashi.

Maybe Raidō would humor him again, Kakashi thought idly to himself as he brushed his teeth at the small sink in the stall. He wondered if he and Genma had gotten together yet. If they had, then that took Raidō out of the running as a potential partner.

Tch. It wasn't worth worrying about right now. He'd gone through his week alone in the past, and he could do it again, even if the thought put him almost on edge as the idea of finding a partner for this cycle.

He spit out his toothpaste, leaned with both hands on the edge of the sink, and stared at himself in the dark mirror. His father stared back.

The lightbulb above him had burned out, but he could still make out the glint of his raggedly-cut hair above the pale of his skin, the long nose of his father's. He touched his jawline in the foggy mirror, seeing, briefly, his mother in the curve of his bones and the shape of his mouth.

Everyone said he resembled his father, but the truth was, he resembled his mother just as much, if not moreso. She hadn't been famous in the same way the White Fang had been, though, so few people saw the resemblance.

He wished he had known her better.

He saw himself frown and pulled the mask back up over his nose and mouth before it began to look to him like his mother was frowning at him through his face.

The blood throbbing through his veins was warming, urging him to find a mate.

Kakashi's frown deepened, but he collected his things without a spare movement, padding to the cubbies where he'd left his slippers.

His laundry wouldn't be done, yet, but he wasn't completely sure he could wait for them to finish.

He grimaced. He didn't have a choice, since he didn't exactly want to wander around once his cycle started. He resisted the urge to mutter a halfhearted curse. He didn't _need_ someone. He could get through this alone.

It just sounded really unpleasant, right on the heels of a mission as long as the one he'd just returned home from.

He might as well use the time that his laundry was running, he decided, so he went back to his apartment and unpacked his weapons bags and the pockets of his flak jacket. The jacket and bags went into a plastic trash bag, to be washed later, and the contents went into a new jacket and hip bags. He changed into a masked undershirt and civilian clothes, hiding weapons away in the folds. The mask over his shoulders, throat, and face would hide some of his scent, and the fingerless gloves that extended over his wrists would tamp down more of it. Even with his chakra control, he didn't like to take excessive chances with things like this.

The wash cycle would be done now. He hated having to hang his clothes to dry, but he was getting antsy and didn't have much time to spare at this rate.

He tossed the damp clothes over his chair and stool, pulled on his wig and an eyepatch in lieu of his hitai-ate, then made his way the five blocks to the nearest bar.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _**Warning:** Some descriptions of bodily functions. (But don't worry, the character is as grossed out as you are.)_
> 
> Dearest reader,  
> Sometimes, it seems like the greatest freedom I have is traveling with the people who live within the written word. I hope you are finding this story as freeing as I have been (even if Kakashi is sometimes an idiot). I also hope you're enjoying getting to wander around Konoha, through the forests across the Land of Fire, and (later, briefly) into the snow of the Land of Lightning (briefly because I got cold writing it, and I _hate_ being cold).  
> Your comments - from wherever you are in the world - make the real world feel larger for me, too. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it when you give me a little glimpse of your journey through these stories.  
> Thank you, and please continue to enjoy!

This had been, he decided as he sipped the lemon sour in his hand, a bad idea.

It wasn't that he didn't like the sour (although he didn't like it much, either. He was only drinking it because it was the most fragrant drink he'd been able to think of, particularly when he'd squeezed the lemon wedge into the beverage, hiding a little of his own scent). It wasn't that there were drunk shinobi and civilians alike surrounding him, control relaxed and scents blending in the air in a musky, floral heap around them. It wasn't even that he didn't know anyone here, because he did, and he'd slept with several of them, too.

It was because that sensei was here, the one who liked to yell. Naruto's honorary brother, or whatever. Iruka-sensei, Kakashi told himself he'd almost forgotten, but that was a lie. How could he forget, after everything that had happened? After that fiasco at the chūnin exam nominations?

Iruka-sensei had a circle of people around him, all vying for his attention, alphas and betas and omegas alike, and he was laughing, as usual.

That laugh grated on Kakashi's nerves, and he stared down into his drink, trying not to clench the glass so tightly that it broke. He was getting irritable. He was still hungry, he remembered as he swayed a tiny bit.

He forced a breath into his lungs, then back out, slowly. He was still irritable, but at least now, he could control his behavior. He hoped.

Kakashi stood in his own little space by the bar, a halo of emptiness around him that people avoided. He could only imagine what he looked like. As tense as a taut bowstring, face hidden and eye expressionless, the irritation pouring off his shoulders in waves. No wonder people stepped away from him and into the easy friendliness of Iruka-sensei's circle.

It wasn't that he was jealous of Iruka-sensei, though for several months during a year or three ago, he'd thought he was, he remembered humorlessly. He'd realized that his jealousy was reserved for the people Iruka-sensei looked at with that easy smile, the one he'd once given Kakashi himself, so many years ago, on that day he'd helped Iruka-sensei rescue Naruto in the back hills. And after missions. And in passing. Before the chūnin exam nomination.

Iruka-sensei had barely spoken to him since the chūnin exams, and Kakashi could hardly blame him. But that had been the idea, hadn't it?

Only a small number of people knew how Kakashi had presented, and he preferred it that way. He never corrected people's misconceptions or guesses about him. It really didn't matter to him what people thought he was, as long as they left him alone when he wanted to be left alone, which was most of the time.

But he'd had the sense that Iruka-sensei would sink his teeth into things like a dog worries at a bone. And worse, he remembered that feeling he'd once had, years ago, of wanting to tell Iruka-sensei all those secrets. So he'd done his best to keep Iruka-sensei at arm's length. An omega like Iruka-sensei – at least, Kakashi was fairly sure Iruka-sensei was an omega, though if he was on scent suppressors, Kakashi supposed Iruka-sensei could be a beta – might be a good friend to Kakashi, but he might also make his own judgements about Kakashi. Particularly because Iruka-sensei worked at the Mission Assignment Desk, this was to be avoided at all costs.

The darker truth that he didn't want to acknowledge was that he cared too much.

The chūnin exam nomination had escalated further than Kakashi had ever intended, but it had achieved the painful but desired effect of putting distance between them. Iruka-sensei now mostly glared at Kakashi, scolding him mercilessly for subpar mission reports.

And yet, he kept going to Iruka-sensei to turn in those deliberately subpar mission reports.

He was perfectly capable of filling out a meticulous, textbook-perfect mission report, but Iruka-sensei yelling was the only time they ever spoke, and Kakashi couldn't let go of that. Not when his connections to people were as precious to him as they were. Even his connection to Iruka-sensei. Especially his connection to Iruka-sensei.

But he couldn't afford to get close to anyone who didn't already know how he'd presented, all those years ago. He was a weapon of Konoha, first and foremost, and couldn't afford messy, emotional attachments. His spiral into that unhealthy blackness after Obito's and Rin's deaths, and then again after Minato-sensei's, were a testament to that fact.

He readily admitted, at least to himself, that being nasty to Iruka-sensei at the exam nominations had been a little underhanded; it meant that he didn't have to hold himself back from talking to Iruka-sensei, but he also no longer had to fear that Iruka-sensei would desire any kind of closeness with him. He was, after all, fundamentally lazy, and putting that wall up between them had required less effort than maintaining the self-control to remain distant.

But he missed those smiles.

He threw back the rest of his drink, slammed the emptied glass on the counter, and motioned to the bartender for another.

The new glass, his fifth drink in an hour, slid down the counter to him, and he caught it, throwing it down his throat without squeezing the lemon. He should just go.

He threw some bills onto the counter and turned.

He must have been more tipsy (drunk) than he'd realized, because he stumbled slightly on a spilled drink on the floor.

Right into Iruka-sensei.

One of Iruka-sensei's hands latched onto the bar and the other, onto one of the stools, and Kakashi caught himself, palms pressed against the teacher's strong chest, face mashed briefly but incredibly awkwardly against Iruka-sensei's shoulder.

His eye widened in horror at the unmistakable, irresistible musky odor layered beneath the scents of aged paper and chalk dust and ink and soil and sunshine. The scent of rut.

They skittered apart from one another, half-empty bottles and pint glasses tumbling from tabletops, shattering and sending alcohol running across the floor, as the two men put distance between themselves at any cost.

" _Alpha_?" he gaped, though no sound came out.

" _Omega_ ," the other hissed back, equally soundlessly.

Iruka's face held a betrayed kind of shock, mirroring Kakashi's own feeling. Kakashi's heart thudded hard in his chest, and he felt the hormones flood his system, the gates abruptly opened by the suppressed scent of an alpha in rut.

Iruka was supposed to be a _beta_ or even an _omega_ , something inside of him screeched inanely, but he ignored the thought.

It took every ounce of his training to hold himself still, to keep himself from baring his neck to the alpha before him, but he could feel the slick building inside of him, abrupt and uncomfortable. He had waited too long. He'd thought he had a few hours before he went into heat, but he obviously didn't.

People were staring.

"'Scuze me," he tried to say, but it might have come out as a sort of strangled nonsense sound.

He made the hand signs to flicker away, but his hands didn't want to work. Right. He was drunk.

Iruka caught his wrist. "C'mon," Iruka growled, dragging him through the bar.

Kakashi's eye went wide. He couldn't force himself to stop stumbling after Iruka. _Alpha_ , his stupid, hormonal brain reminded him unhelpfully.

Another alpha's head whipped around, aluminum-bitter scent smeared unpleasantly in the air, and Iruka twisted Kakashi behind him protectively, snarling, that quintessential, delicious, painfully undeniable musk that screamed _Iruka_ suddenly flooding the air. The message was clear. _Mine. Back off_.

The other alpha, a jōnin who'd obviously been on the bad side of Iruka at least once, glared but backed off.

Good god. Kakashi would have let Iruka take him right there on the floor at Iruka's possessive musk wrapping around him.

They stumbled out into the open air, and he half-expected Iruka to flicker them to Iruka's apartment.

Kakashi quailed. As much as his whole body screamed his desire for Iruka, he didn't want to be taken. It had been bad enough, those first few times, when he hadn't yet known his own body and had gotten caught in the middle of missions in heat, but this somehow seemed so much worse. It was one thing to be taken by someone he barely knew and wasn't friends with, didn't care about, didn't have to see regularly; but Iruka....

"Are you going to...." The words came out in a breathless whisper through his tight throat. He couldn't force his numb fingers to pull out a kunai to defend himself from being taken. He wasn't sure he wanted to defend himself from this alpha.

But instead, Iruka practically threw him down an alley, where he stumbled back, ungainly with alcohol, against a crumbling brick wall. He felt his wig slip, and he yanked it off, stuffing it unceremoniously into his pocket. Iruka stepped back, nostrils flaring, sweat standing out on his forehead.

"Can you get home safely? Do you have a safe place to stay?" Iruka demanded, arms crossed over his chest as if he were merely a teacher scolding a student, not an alpha in rut holding himself back from an omega in heat. His lips were parted, just a little, as he hissed with poorly-held-back, harsh breaths.

"I...." It was all Kakashi could do to keep a whine from breaking out of his throat. His nose was full of the scent of Iruka, and he was terrified and he was confused and he _wanted_.

In over a decade since he'd presented, he'd never once had an experience even remotely like this. An alpha, refusing him. He was still holding on, still barely in pre-heat, and he wanted to throw himself down at the feet of the man in front of him, and he was being pushed away.

"Kakashi-sensei, I asked you if you can get home safely," Iruka snapped, taking another step back.

"You're an alpha," Kakashi breathed.

"I _know_ ," Iruka snarled. "Can you get home or not? _Answer me, Omega_." Scent flared in the air with the command.

Kakashi shivered at the tone in that luxurious golden voice, and his own voice answered hoarsely before he was aware he'd even opened his mouth. It had been a long time since he'd been lost in an alpha's command, a testament to his self-discipline as a shinobi. But Iruka ripped that self-control from Kakashi's fingers without effort. "I... think so."

"You think so, or you know so?" Iruka ground from between his teeth.

"I.... If I don't run into any alphas, and assuming I don't... you know," Kakashi said quietly, working through the alcohol in his blood to keep his enunciation clear. _Go into heat_. "I'm too chakra depleted to flicker. I live five blocks away. I think I should be fine." Trying to flicker from the bar had been a flea-brained decision that would have likely gotten him raped in an alleyway. Not that he was completely sure that wasn't going to happen anyway. Except... this alpha was _refusing_ him. Refusing _him_! Kakashi of the Sharingan, the Copy-Nin, and this alpha was refusing _him_! Nonsensical thoughts battered him from all sides. He had no idea what he wanted, but he knew he had never once been refused before, not in heat and not in pre-heat.

Iruka growled and ran a clenched hand through his bound hair, making a mess of it as he balled his fist around a handful of the taut strands.

"I can't walk you home like this," Iruka said flatly, backing up another step. "Why aren't you on suppressants?"

"They make me sick," Kakashi said quietly. He would move back, too, but he was backed into the wall and had nowhere to go. Instead, he tried to clamp down on his scent, his limbs shaking with the effort. "I can take them if I absolutely have to, but I was just–"

"You were 'just'? You were ' _just_ ,' Kakashi-san? You were just _what_?"

"Looking for someone who might help take the edge off," Kakashi said, the emotion draining from his voice as he looked down and away. The cold fury in Iruka's voice stung. "It makes it pass more quickly and more easily."

"And you didn't find someone before now _because_?" Iruka snarled. A line of sweat trickled down one side of his face, and his whole body was shaking. It was taking everything he had to keep from taking Kakashi right there, in a disgusting back alley, Kakashi could tell. Iruka must truly hate him, to be able to hold himself back with this much discipline. Good. He wanted Iruka to hate him.

...Right?

"I just got back from a mission. I should have had a few more hours," Kakashi said dully. "God, you smell so good." He couldn't help the words oozing from his mouth in an embarrassingly heated moan. He clamped his teeth together. This alpha didn't want him. "Sorry," he choked out. "I'm sorry." The garbage overflowing from one of the bins suddenly became extremely fascinating.

Iruka squeezed his eyes closed, brow knitted, knuckles whitening as he held himself back.

After a moment of silence, Iruka said, "I'm going to murder you for this. I hope you know that. You need to get home." He bit his lip and pressed the heel of one palm against his hitai-ate as though physically holding himself in place. "You can't get home safely. Right." He cursed, startling Kakashi. He'd never heard Iruka be vulgar before. "Come on, then."

Kakashi's eye widened as Iruka stalked towards him, but Kakashi was frozen, neither able to flee nor to follow his instincts into Iruka's arms.

Iruka grabbed his wrist in that warm, calloused hand, and flickered them.

Kakashi recognized the apartment by sight, but even if he hadn't, the smell permeating the air made it immediately clear that this was Iruka's apartment.

"Take off your shoes," Iruka snapped, and Kakashi scurried to obey. Even if Iruka hadn't been an alpha, he had the Teacher voice, and he wielded it with scalpel-like precision. As an alpha with the Teacher voice... well.

Kakashi's fingers shook, but he managed to get out of the sandals, because his alpha had told him to – no, Iruka-sensei had told him to, with his Teacher voice, not a command. Iruka wasn't his alpha, he tried to tell himself, but all he wanted to do was throw himself at Iruka, to be taken and filled with his alpha's seed.

_Not my alpha_ , he repeated to himself, over and over, but he could _smell_ the rut all around him now, climbing over his body and taking possession of him. _He doesn't want me_. 

Then, abruptly, he found himself in a bedroom, alone, the door slammed shut behind him. The scent was a little fainter here, with a stale hint of Naruto still hanging in the air. It must be the room that Iruka kept for Naruto, Kakashi realized.

He heard a key turn in a lock, and the weight of the teacher's body struck the door and slid down.

Kakashi stood in the middle of the room, shaking. Refused. Rejected.

He could feel the unquenchable desire curling through him, unpleasantly hot, tightening in a coil of need in his belly. He began to get lost in the heady feeling, the desperation of heat beginning to unfurl inside of him.

"I'm sorry I don't have anything to help you," Iruka's voice came through the door, softer now. "Once you've gotten through the first wave, I can find someone to take you home."

"Alpha," Kakashi heard his voice say, as he pressed up against the door, slick and hot and full of need. Iruka was right on the other side of that door. Iruka, an alpha. _The_ alpha. "Alpha, it's okay. You can take me. I want you to take me." His voice broke as he begged, "Please let me out. Please, I want you."

" _No_ ," Iruka's voice came back sharply. "You don't even know who I am, let alone what you want."

"Iruka," Kakashi whined. "I know who you are. Iruka. Alpha. Please. Please let me out. I want you. Don't you want me? Even a _little_?" What was he _saying_?

He heard the teacher curse softly, then the sound of the man on the other side of the door scrambling to his feet. The footsteps disappeared in a run into the rest of the apartment.

Kakashi pressed against the door, slapping his hands desperately against the solid wood, the fabric of his clothing suddenly too rough and harshly textured against his skin. He felt feverishly hot, slick threatening to smear down between his legs, and he realized the pricking at his eye was tears, hot and bitter. Unwanted. Rejected.

"Iruka. Sensei. Please!"

He heard the front door close and lock as Iruka left the apartment. Kakashi sobbed against the door, whining, hands fisting on nothing as he struggled to control the obnoxious, overwhelming, awful sensations crashing over him.

_Hell_. 

He had waited far too long, a small part of his brain observed dispassionately, had come so close to the beginning of his cycle that just the smell of an alpha in rut had accelerated his timing. He was a writhing mess, and he didn't even have any of his tools or medication or blankets and pillows that helped to ease the unpleasantness of the waves of his heat. Idly, that tiny part of his brain wondered if this was going to be his worst heat since that very first one. It seemed likely. Somehow, he'd never been this close to an alpha in rut without his own suppressants while he was in heat, before, at least not when he was being refused, and not an alpha he wanted so desperately. It was proving to be almost too much, verging on painful. He collapsed to the floor, unable to hold himself up anymore.

And he could still smell Iruka, that delicious, musky scent he'd never smelled before, because it had been hidden under excellent chakra control and scent suppressants. The smell that had been denied him. Refused. Rejected.

He thrashed on the floor, writhing in agony as the first wave smashed through him in earnest. Everything disappeared except for the smell of Iruka. He clenched his hands around fistfuls of hair, curling in on himself, trying desperately to use any scrap of chakra to hold back the hormones rushing over him, buffeting him like a twig in whitewater rapids. He felt like he was burning alive, his skin flayed from his body by flames. It was all he could do to keep his clothes on. He did keep his clothes on, though, his hands fisted in his hair until his scalp burned with vicious agony so he wouldn't touch himself, because the alpha who owned this home didn't want him.

He felt unbearably, painfully empty, and the ache ran through his whole body. And, just to add an unpleasant cherry on top, he hadn't eaten in two days, and he was starting to get _really_ hungry. He held back moans and panting by biting his lip until he tasted blood.

He didn't mind being an omega most of the time. Truly, he didn't. He loved doing whatever he could to care for Konoha. He was light and fast on his feet, and he was widely considered to be an excellent team leader because of how attuned he was to his teammates. So what if his greatest skill happened to be violence? It was how he served his home. Heat could be brutal, but it was only a small part of the time, and mostly, it was no different to him than the need to eat or sleep. It was a small price to pay for him to be able to serve his home so well.

His subdued scent in combination with his collectedness misled others into thinking, sometimes, that he was a beta, but more often, he was mistaken as being an alpha. He filled a room with his leadership when it suited him, and he asserted himself with years of long practice. The scent of blood that had long since sunk into his clothing further added to the myth that he was an alpha.

When he became a jōnin, at age 12, it had been widely assumed that he would present as an alpha because of his aggressive and domineering personality, to the degree that even his squadmates had been confused by the scent of an omega beginning to grow beneath his skin before he presented. Embarrassingly, despite the warning signs, even he hadn't realized until his first heat had already started that he was an omega.

But right now, in this moment, feeling hurt and rejected and riding the waves of unbearable need that shut down his brain, he hated being an omega, and he utterly despised the hormones raging through his body. And more than anything, he hated that he had been rejected.

An hour and a half after the first wave began, Gai and Yamato appeared at the door. Kakashi woke from a hazy, sickened sleep on the floor when they accidentally opened the door into him.

"Oh. Hi," he said quietly.

"Your scent is all over the place," Yamato observed.

Kakashi looked away. He had to breathe through his mouth, because the scent of _alpha in rut!_ was still clawing at him.

"Let's get you home, most esteemed rival," Gai said gently, offering Kakashi a hand. Never had he been so glad that his two best friends were betas.

It was a little strange that he wasn't intent on jumping them and trying to tear their clothes off as he normally probably would in the middle of heat, but he was so focused on the smell of the alpha in rut clinging to him that he barely registered the betas before him.

Kakashi ignored the proffered hand and climbed unsteadily to his feet. Shockingly, he had managed to get through the first wave without touching himself, but that hadn't prevented the fluids from coating his skin and the inside of his pants. It was a new sensation. He felt stickily disgusting.

"Where's Iruka?" he asked quietly, trying not to sound desperate.

"Not here," Yamato said simply.

"He thought it best," Gai said soberly.

"Smart teacher," Kakashi quipped weakly. "I can't flicker."

Yamato stepped forward and swept Kakashi up, and then they were abruptly outside of his own apartment. Yamato set him down.

With shaky hands Kakashi fished out his keys. As Yamato went through the motions to deactivate Kakashi's wards, Kakashi wordlessly handed his keys to Gai, who opened the door and let them in. There was a mound of packets of crackers and other nonperishable foods on his desk.

"There are bento in your fridge," Gai said. He was rarely this serious, except when supporting Kakashi as Kakashi navigated heat in solitude. "Let me know if you need anything."

"Thank you," Kakashi said, curling on top of his bed. "I'll be okay."

"I know," Gai said.

Gai and Yamato traded a look and left, and one of them reactivated the wards to the apartment.

Kakashi wanted to take a few minutes to recuperate, but those were minutes he didn't have. He forced himself to get up to lock his door, then retrieved his box of heat "toys" (could they really be called "toys" if he wasn't having any fun? he wondered bitterly, same as he did every time he felt reduced to using them) to set by the bed. He ate a bento box so fast he didn't even taste it, then crawled back into his bed, pulling his blanket around himself like a sad little nest, to have what felt like the worst week of his life.


	6. Chapter 6

"Hey," Iruka said, leaning against the trunk of the tree below where Kakashi sprawled on a branch, an orange book in his fingers. They were outside Hokage Tower, where Kakashi had been waiting for Iruka's shift at the Mission Assignment Desk to end.

"Yo," Kakashi said mildly. "I wanted to apologize for last week."

Iruka shrugged. "It happens to the best of us."

"Actually, it doesn't," Kakashi said with a wry grin. "It only happens to a small percentage of us."

Iruka's mouth twitched into a hesitant smile. "I suppose that's true. In any case, I'm glad I was– I mean, I'm glad you were okay. Sorry about, uh, kind of kidnapping you."

Kakashi chuckled. "It was for the best. Thank you," he added sincerely. "I really do appreciate it."

"It was nothing," Iruka said, one hand loose on the strap of his bag and the other flapping away Kakashi's thanks.

"It really wasn't," Kakashi said softly. "Can I make it up to you somehow?"

Iruka shot him a look. "What do you have in mind?" he asked carefully.

Kakashi paused. He hadn't actually thought that far ahead.

"Uh... I could pay for a cleaning service for the room, since I...."

Iruka smiled a little at that. "Gai-san already cleaned. Before I got back, actually. He's very thoughtful."

"Oh, I guess I owe him something, too, then," Kakashi mused. "I'd be happy to buy you lunch or something, though that seems pretty lame for all the trouble I put you through."

Iruka's hesitant smile came back again. "That would be more than enough. When?"

"Uh...."

Iruka hid a smile, clearly amused. "You don't do this very often, do you?"

"This sort of thing doesn't happen much," Kakashi said flatly.

"I meant asking someone to lunch," Iruka said, cheeks faintly flushing, expression still amused.

"Oh, no, I meant, I could bring you lunch... sometime... or something."

Iruka raised an eyebrow.

"Or we could go eat together," Kakashi said hurriedly. "I just didn't think you'd be interested." Despised. Unwanted. Rejected.

"I imagine you thought that mostly because you didn't ask," Iruka said. "Well?"

Kakashi blinked. "Well what?" he finally asked, puzzled.

"You offered to buy me lunch. You look like you have time. And I'm starving. Let's go."

Kakashi stared. Iruka raised his eyebrow again and put his hands on his hips.

"Is there a problem with that?" Iruka asked.

"I– uh, no," Kakashi said, stuffing his book into his flak jacket pocket and leaping down to the ground. "Where would you like to go?"

"Hmm. How evil am I?" Iruka mused.

Kakashi blinked again. "Evil?" he asked, bewildered.

"Well, you never put a price cap on lunch," Iruka pointed out with a grin.

"There isn't one," Kakashi replied frankly, tucking his hands in his pockets. Iruka deserved whatever he wanted for lunch, after his handling of Kakashi's... situation last week.

Iruka clicked his tongue. "You're no fun. You're supposed to be appalled."

Kakashi couldn't help the laugh that bubbled out of him. "What?"

"I was teasing you. Or trying to, anyway," Iruka explained, his grin returning. "How about Ichiraku?"

"We can go somewhere more expensive," Kakashi said, tipping a glance towards Iruka. "I mean that. Wherever you'd like."

"Well, my favorite food is ramen, and Ichiraku happens to be the best ramen in town, so I want to go to Ichiraku. Is that a problem?"

Kakashi shook his head, puzzled. "No, but.... No," he finally decided. "If that's really what you want to eat."

"It is," Iruka said peaceably. "What do you like to eat, Kakashi-san?"

Kakashi blinked. "Me?"

"You're the only Kakashi-san I see around here," Iruka pointed out, looking around to make his point.

Kakashi felt the smile fighting its way onto his face. "Homestyle cooking," he said. "I'm particularly fond of sanma and eggplant miso, but really any homestyle cooking."

"I'd offer to cook for you in exchange for lunch, but I'm afraid all of my shinobi skills with blades go straight out the window as soon as I step in a kitchen. I could practically burn water."

Kakashi snorted. "You don't owe me a meal."

"Good, because I'd probably burn my apartment complex down," Iruka agreed.

Kakashi chuckled. "I could teach you, if you'd like. I enjoy cooking."

Iruka hesitated, and Kakashi let his smile slide from his face. "Or whatever," Kakashi said carelessly. "I just thought I'd offer."

"Thank you, Kakashi-san," Iruka said softly, a flush blooming on his cheekbones and along the absolutely kissable – _what_? Kakashi thought he'd rooted out those ridiculous feelings he had for Iruka years ago – scar across his nose. Iruka rubbed his fingers across the scar. Kakashi looked away.

The road was dead quiet, with no one in sight for several blocks. Everyone must already be eating lunch, Kakashi supposed.

"I, uh... I hope you don't think poorly of me," Kakashi made himself say.

Iruka looked over at him. "Think poorly of you? What for?"

Kakashi let his gaze drift away, the dirt at the edge of the path suddenly fascinating. Funny, how perfectly ordinary things became so easy to stare at, when he was talking to Iruka. "For what I am."

"An idiot?" Iruka asked blankly.

Kakashi shot him a startled look, and Iruka started laughing.

"Admit it, it was pretty idiotic of you to head down to a crowded bar at a time like that," Iruka said, laughing.

Kakashi couldn't help but smile a little, though it stung to hear what he'd already been thinking for a week. "Maa."

Iruka bumped his shoulder into Kakashi's in a friendly, affectionate gesture that made Kakashi's heart pound. "I really couldn't care less what your secondary gender is," Iruka said with a small smile. "I don't care what anybody's is. It's never changed anything for me."

Kakashi sighed. "Must be nice."

Iruka stopped. "What do you mean?"

Kakashi shrugged. "It's easy for an alpha to say."

If he'd been looking at Iruka, he would have seen the way the brown eyes narrowed dangerously at him, but he wasn't, so Iruka's biting words caught him by surprise.

"Don't you ever – _ever_ – tell me that the reason I feel that way is because of what I am," Iruka said, his voice dangerously quiet. "My parents and I were sure I was going to present as an omega. It sure as hell didn't matter to me then, and it doesn't matter to me now."

Kakashi looked up, startled. "But–"

"Some of my greatest heroes have been omegas," Iruka told him flatly, voice still dangerously low. The hairs began standing up on the back of Kakashi's neck. "People are more than the little boxes we cram them into."

"Maybe you need better heroes," Kakashi quipped with a rueful smile, trying to defuse the static growing in the air.

Iruka's hand fisted in the front of Kakashi's flak jacket, dragging his masked nose startlingly close to Iruka's scarred one.

"That's my _parents_ you're talking about," Iruka growled. "And they died helping hold the Kyūbi back from the village. So no. No, I do _not_ need better heroes."

"Oh," Kakashi breathed. He'd known they had died, of course, but he'd assumed that they were betas, or even that one was an alpha. "I'm.... Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't realize," he said lamely.

"Obviously," Iruka said shortly, letting go of Kakashi's jacket. "People aren't just alphas or betas or omegas or whatever. I _mean_ it when I say those things don't matter to me. It's no more who people are than their height or their skin color or their sex." He started walking again.

Kakashi hesitated, until Iruka stopped and turned, putting his hands on his hips.

"Hurry up," he said, all traces of anger gone from his voice.

"R– right," Kakashi said, trotting to catch up.

Iruka confused him so much.


	7. Chapter 7

Lunch was... not a disaster.

Actually, it was enjoyable, but that set Kakashi's nerves humming. It was too nice, too easy to be with Iruka, particularly now that he knew that Iruka was an alpha. An unusual alpha, true, but an alpha nevertheless. Kakashi had avoided alphas as much as possible since the first time one took advantage of his nature, all those years ago.

They talked about safe things, like Naruto's training, Team 7, Iruka's class at the Academy. The events of the previous week loomed unpleasantly in the shadows.

"How did you stop yourself?" Kakashi asked softly, after he paid and they exited.

"Hm?" Iruka asked.

"That night," Kakashi said, tucking his hands in his pockets and looking away again.

Iruka sighed. "Do you really want to be having this conversation in public?"

Kakashi wilted a little. "No."

Iruka hesitated. "Would you, uh... would you like a cup of tea at my place?"

Kakashi threw him a glance, but Iruka's face was guileless, if hesitant. And, frankly, after he'd held himself back from Kakashi that night, he deserved Kakashi's trust. It threw Kakashi off, a little, that Iruka had so many hesitations, too.

"Maa. If that's okay with you," Kakashi said softly.

"I wouldn't have offered if it wasn't," Iruka said with a small smile. "I don't live far."

"Okay."

Kakashi followed Iruka, trying to feel like he wasn't just being an obedient omega. He'd never been "just an obedient omega," and he'd never been afraid he was, before, but this past week had turned his expectations upside-down. He no longer had any idea what to think about who he was beneath the chemicals his body made, let alone figure out whether he was being obedient or just following a friend to an apartment he'd ostensibly never walked to. (He'd had a period several years ago, right when he'd begun training Team 7, when he'd been a little too obsessed with the teacher. It was pretty hard to convince himself he hadn't been stalking Iruka when he had to admit that not only did he know where the teacher's apartment was, he could roof-hop to it with his eyes closed.)

Iruka led them up the steps, then stopped at a door that practically purred with chakra. He went through a somewhat absurdly long series of hand signs, and one by one, barriers and wards fell away until Iruka could fit the key in the lock.

"How did you get in last week?" Kakashi asked, too curious to be embarrassed. Too curious to be very embarrassed, anyway.

"I have a seal built in that allows me to get in quickly, but it takes a lot of my energy to activate, since it essentially breaks down the wards and rebuilds them from scratch," Iruka said, as if it were a commonplace seal. Kakashi stared.

Iruka pulled the door open and let them both in. He caught Kakashi's look. "What?" he asked.

"Where did you find a seal like that?" Kakashi wanted to know. "A seal that can rebuild wards... I've never heard of that."

"I invented it," Iruka said casually, tossing his bag into the living room, where papers and pens slid from it across the floor at the coffee table. "Making seals is fun."

"Excuse me?" Kakashi asked blandly. " _Fun_?"

Iruka grinned. "Didn't you know that about me? And here I thought you'd been stalking me."

Startled, Kakashi abruptly inhaled his own saliva and began coughing so hard he couldn't breath.

"Don't die. Are you okay?"

Kakashi waved Iruka away, still coughing, but at least the worst of it was over. "I have not been stalking you," he finally sputtered.

"I didn't say you have been," Iruka said blithely, making his way over the kitchen. He paused with a mischievous grin over one shoulder, revealing the blush across his cheeks. "I said you _had_ been."

To his credit, Kakashi didn't inhale any more saliva, though he did blink several times and continue to fight sputtering coughs as he whipped through denials and excuses in his head.

"Maa, and why would I have stalked you in the past, Iruka-sensei?" he drawled. It felt like a long pause to him, but it had probably only been a fraction of a moment longer than a normal pause, particularly since he was still coughing a bit.

"I don't know. I'm not a mind reader," Iruka said. He paused, his hands resting on the countertop beside the stove, his eyes on the heating kettle. "Did you hate me?"

Kakashi burst out laughing and clapped a hand over his cloth-covered mouth to stop. "Excuse me, _what_?" he asked.

Iruka looked up at him with a smile, but there was a ragged edge to it. "After the chūnin exam nomination. Did you hate me?"

"No," Kakashi said simply, letting his hand drop back to his side. "I'm just an ass."

The ragged edge on Iruka's smile slipped away, leaving an amused smile. "I can't argue with that." He set the kettle on a burner and turned on the heat, then took down a pair of unmatched mugs from the cupboard. A patchwork collection of mugs peeked out at Kakashi from the cupboard before Iruka closed the door.

"Is that why you stopped yourself?" Kakashi asked, looking away again.

Iruka smiled, almost to himself. "No."

"Why, then? How?"

"Why?" Iruka repeated, speaking slowly, choosing his words deliberately. "Because you didn't know what you were saying. I'm not going to take advantage of anybody who's unable to consent, whether it's because they're in heat or because they're drinking or whatever. It's... just... not my thing. As for how...." Iruka paused, took a tin of tea down from a cupboard, measured leaves into a teapot. "I'm just stubborn, I guess," he said, smiling over at Kakashi. The smile seemed a little strained. "It certainly didn't hurt that I thought you hated me."

"I...." Kakashi hesitated. He didn't hate Iruka, and he never had, but he'd certainly done his best to make Iruka hate him. "Do you hate me?"

Iruka blinked, genuine surprise flickering across his face. "Goodness, no. I was hurt by what you said, and _very_ irritated, but I never hated you. Some things might've been easier if I had, though," he mused aloud.

"Oh. Why? Like what?"

Iruka took the kettle from the heat and poured it over the tea leaves in the teapot, then ushered Kakashi toward the dining room table. Scrolls, half-written seals, and homework assignments and notes lay strewn across one half, clearly indicating Iruka's normal seat. Kakashi slid into the opposite chair.

"After you brought Naruto back from the Valley...." Iruka's voice trailed off. "Well. It's always easier to have someone to blame when something painful happens. But it's not always meaningful. You taught me that."

"I did?" Kakashi asked, surprised.

"When you talked to me about Naruto, after I'd been assigned to become his teacher. You made me remember that he's a little boy who happens to have a demon fox sealed inside of him, rather than a demon fox wearing the body of a little boy." Iruka poured the tea carefully and pushed a mug toward Kakashi. "I'd been blaming him for my parents' death, but that's ridiculous. He was a baby. He had nothing at all to do with it. And the fox... well, what's the use in blaming something that was just behaving according to its nature? It would be like blaming the wind for blowing. I just had to accept that there was no one for me to blame."

"Mm," Kakashi agreed noncommittally, gears turning in his head as he thought about Iruka's words.

"If I'd hated you, maybe I would have blamed you for what happened," Iruka said serenely. "But I didn't hate you, and I don't blame you. I just have to accept that Sasuke made his own choices, as did Naruto."

"I should have done better," Kakashi said, his mouth twisting unhappily beneath his mask. "I didn't talk to them enough. I just let him stew."

Iruka smiled lopsidedly. "So did I," he pointed out. "I've often wondered if I'm too strict, or if I'm not strict enough. If I talk to my students enough. Could I have changed what happened? Maybe. I don't know. But I'll go crazy if I do nothing but wonder about what if's. I just have to accept that it happened and try to do better for my current students."

"Philosophical," Kakashi said.

"You know, forgiving other people is a lot easier than forgiving myself," Iruka said, looking up at a blank section of wall contemplatively, his mug cupped between his palms. "I hold myself to a much higher standard than I hold most other people."

"You hold others to a pretty high standard," Kakashi said dryly.

Iruka smiled, but there was a shadow in it. "So what do you think my standard for myself looks like?"

Kakashi went silent, choosing to sip his tea through his mask, instead. He wondered about his own standards for himself compared with his standards for others.

"You're very different from how I imagined you. Or from what I thought you were like," he eventually said, setting his mug back down on the table.

"Not much of an alpha?" Iruka teased, but the shadow lingered in his eyes.

"Maa, that might be true, I guess, but that's not what I meant," Kakashi said. "I didn't realize there are so many things you... think about. You're usually very confident. And you're usually much more... boisterous."

Iruka laughed. "Well, _that's_ a kind way to say I'm insecure and I yell a lot. Well, maybe that's because we've never sat down and talked about these kinds of things before," he suggested. "Maybe I'd be exactly like this, if I were having this conversation with someone in a bar."

Kakashi smiled. "I sort of doubt that."

"Oh? Why's that?"

"You're speaking way too quietly to be in a bar, for one thing," Kakashi said, amused. "And usually you laugh more."

Iruka chuckled at that. "I suppose so. And scold more, I guess."

"That, too," Kakashi agreed.

"You caught me at the end of a long week. I'm too tired to scold or yell."

"I'm sorry," Kakashi said quietly.

"No, no, not you." Kakashi looked away, unable to believe he wasn't the reason, but Iruka kept talking. "The kids. We started kunai training this week. It's always exhausting," he explained, chuckling as he rolled the sleeves back on his shirt to reveal bandages generously scattered across his forearms. Kakashi blinked. That sounded – and looked – exhausting. Maybe Iruka was telling the truth. "I don't even bother seeing a medic-nin since I'll just get more. I'm proud to say that none of my students have had to go to the hospital since I've started teaching, though."

"Really?" Kakashi asked, a little impressed despite himself.

"Really, really," Iruka replied smugly. "I can be very fast when I have reason to be. And there's a reason they say teachers have eyes on the back of their heads."

Kakashi smiled despite himself. "Because of you?"

"Because of me," Iruka agreed, chuckling. "Speaking of which, unfortunately, I need to grade some exams. You're more than welcome to stay, but I'll be very boring. Truth be told, I wouldn't mind the company, though."

Kakashi hesitated. "Why?" he asked, unsure of what words he was looking for. "Why are you being so...?"

Iruka smiled, understanding. "You're a good person, Kakashi-san. Naruto always speaks very highly of you, as does Sakura. And I've always appreciated your company."

"Oh." Kakashi took a breath and let it out slowly. "Would you have turned me down if I hadn't been about to begin my heat?"

Iruka looked sharply at Kakashi, a blush rising on his face. "Yes," he said flatly.

"I see," Kakashi said quietly.

"Not for the reason you think," Iruka said, more gently this time. The blush was beginning to crawl down his throat. "It's not about you, Kakashi-san. It's really about me, and... what I can offer. I couldn't, and can't, offer what you're looking for."

Kakashi frowned, confused. "But...." He let his voice trail off.

"Uh, I mean, yes, I have all the functioning, uh, bits," Iruka said, looking away. Even his ears had gone red. "I just...."

They stayed still and silent for what felt like an eternity. The quiet wore sharp teeth and scraped along Kakashi's skin.

"It's personal," Iruka finally said, disappointingly anticlimactically.

"You've marked someone?" Kakashi asked, something heavy sinking in his chest.

"No." Iruka grinned, eyes dancing with laughter. "You're _terrible_ at social graces. You know you're not supposed to ask people that, right?"

Kakashi felt his own face flush beneath his mask. He had asked without thinking about it, but now that he replayed the words in his mind, he was mortified. It was worse than asking someone about their sexual experience, and he barely knew Iruka. He was normally so much more aware of what he was saying. He realized that he could feel that compulsion to share his secrets with Iruka crawling back over his shoulders. "Oh, god. I'm sorry. I didn't mean–"

"It's fine," Iruka said, waving it away. "I don't care."

"I honestly didn't even think about it. I don't usually talk to other people about these sorts of things," Kakashi admitted. "Most of the people I'm closest to are betas."

"That's not an excuse," Iruka snorted, laughing. "Just because they're betas doesn't mean you wouldn't know that it's impolite to ask about marking."

"No, I know," Kakashi said, looking away. He was beginning to feel lightheaded, his face burning with embarrassment. "It was really rude of me. I'm sorry."

"Like I said, I don't care," Iruka said, though his face was bright red. "You can ask me whatever you'd like, and if I'm not comfortable answering, I'll tell you so. In general, I mean, not just right now."

"Why did you reject me?" Kakashi blurted, then bit his lip. "Never mind. Sorry."

"I already told you why," Iruka said gently. "You weren't thinking straight. Frankly, neither was I. Neither of us was in a state to consent. And I have personal reasons." He sighed. "I'm sorry if I made you feel like I was rejecting you. That wasn't my intent. I wanted to make sure you were safe. From everyone. Including myself."

"Oh," Kakashi said, turning this new bit of information over in his mind. It still stung bitterly of rejection, but at least it was out of concern, not out of distaste. "Well... thank you, then."

"Of course. It was the least I could do," Iruka said. "Now quit being so submissive. I know you're not like that."

Kakashi sighed. "Maybe I am."

"And I'm a rabbit's uncle," Iruka snorted. "You don't get embarrassed much, do you?"

"I– No, I don't," Kakashi agreed reluctantly.

"Well, I admit that being embarrassed has a way of throwing a wrench in the works for anybody. But we're not defined by the things that have embarrassed us. Thank god for that, because I would be a _disaster_." Iruka laughed, openly embarrassed, his golden voice glittering like sunlight on water and a blush bringing fresh life to his cheeks, and Kakashi found himself smiling at the sound and the expression on Iruka's face.

God, he had missed that smile.

"Go on, then, make yourself comfortable," Iruka said, motioning vaguely towards his couch and coffee table as he stood. "I'm going to make some more tea, and then I really do need to grade these exams."

Kakashi hesitated. He'd been planning on leaving, not because he didn't want to stay, but because he didn't want to overstay his welcome. But Iruka's assumption that he would stay stopped him in his tracks. "I don't want to impose," he said slowly.

"You're not imposing," Iruka said, already setting the refilled kettle back on the stovetop. "I'm sorry I can't be better company."

"Maa, you're excellent company," Kakashi's mouth said before his brain had caught up.

Iruka grinned, blushing attractively. "I have my moments, I guess," he acknowledged.

Kakashi held back the urge to say that Iruka's whole life was those moments, or something equally vapid, and instead picked up his mug and padded hesitantly out to the living room, his eyes sweeping over its inhabitants.

Photographs in frames decorated shelves, surrounded by books and scrolls. A bulletin board on one wall held crayon drawings, clearly done by small children. A faded, somewhat threadbare couch sat below a window boasting a row of potted plants along its sill. A quilt lay folded over the back of the couch, and Kakashi found himself suspecting that more than not, the couch was used for afternoon naps.

He didn't often get invited into people's homes, and it felt strange to be standing openly in someone's living room while the homeowner puttered around in the kitchen. The trained weapon that was Kakashi of the Sharingan was much more used to either hiding in the shadows of someone's home, or, on occasion, being bedridden in someone's guest futon with chakra depletion. Standing here, a mug in hand, looking around at the pieces of someone's heart left openly around the room, felt strangely... domestic. And disturbingly vulnerable.

He held back the thought and let his body melt bonelessly onto the couch, pulling out his copy of _Icha Icha_ and setting his mug on a coaster on the coffee table as he did. In the kitchen, Iruka poured the hot water into the teapot – apparently Kakashi had been standing in the living room, lost in thought, for longer than he'd realized. Iruka emerged with the teapot and his own mug into the living room.

Iruka set the teapot on a ceramic tile on the coffee table, clearly having done this many times before, and his mug on another coaster. He pushed Kakashi's legs unceremoniously up onto the couch so he could sit where Kakashi's legs had just been, and Kakashi found himself draped longwise over the couch.

His skin prickled beneath his leg wrappings where Iruka had pushed him out of the way of the coffee table. He didn't want to like the sensation of Iruka's hands on him, even innocently on his calf, as much as he did.

Iruka tidied the papers that had slid from his bag on the coffee table and, back against the couch, began looking over exams.

His nose in his book, Kakashi wondered when Iruka had become so comfortable in his own skin. He remembered back before Iruka had begun teaching Naruto; he'd been hesitant, almost shy, and careful to avoid physical contact, both on the mission and when they'd talked again later. Naruto's complete lack of fear around tackling his old Academy teacher in hugs probably had something to do with Iruka's new readiness to touch people. Or maybe it was a function of teaching. He'd seen Iruka grab students by the scruff of the neck many times, and it was a near certainty that weapons training meant that Iruka regularly had to grab students' arms to prevent poorly-aimed throws.

But, except for last week, he hadn't made contact with Iruka since That Mission, when he'd swept in and grabbed Iruka to escape.

It was strange to think of the ways in which Iruka had been so confused, so hesitant, so unable to harm even the enemy. It didn't match with anything Kakashi knew about alphas. But then, most people assumed Kakashi was an alpha, so he had to acknowledge that hormones weren't the end-all, be-all of someone's behavior.

Something occurred to him.

"Are your students your pack?" Kakashi asked suddenly.

"Mmhm, essentially," Iruka hummed absently, his pen scratching something on an exam.

Iruka's fierce protectiveness at the chūnin exam nominations suddenly made a lot more sense. Kakashi ran his eye, unseeing, over the words in the book in his hand. 

They stayed there, in a silence punctuated by the rustle of turning pages and the scratch of Iruka's pen, and every so often, by the hiss of clothing as one of them sipped some tea, then the small tap as the mug made its way back to its coaster.

Phantom lightning sparks ran along Kakashi's nerves the entire time they sat there, and he had to remind himself constantly to relax and pretend to be nonchalant. The affected nonchalance was hampered by the apparent wandering of the strokes of the characters on the pages of his book, rendering the words meaningless to his eye. It had been a long time since he'd been so flustered that he couldn't focus on written words.

After an hour or two, Iruka set his pen down and lifted his arms up to stretch back over the couch, his ponytail bumping into Kakashi's book. Kakashi lowered the book out of Iruka's way and found Iruka's head resting on his shoulder, a gentle wave of Iruka's scent washing over him, warm like afternoon sun.

"Uh, hi," Kakashi said.

"Hey," Iruka said with a small smile. "Sorry about being so boring."

"It's no trouble," Kakashi said. "It was... nice."

"Mm," Iruka agreed, pushing himself upright again. Kakashi already missed the feeling of Iruka resting against him.

He shook himself internally. He couldn't afford to get close to people, and he couldn't afford to let people close to him. It was too dangerous to be friends with the Copy Nin, akin to wearing a bull's eye target on one's back. Gai and Yamato were some of the most skilled shinobi Kakashi knew, and almost as likely to be targeted, so they were exempt from the rule, but Iruka was a kind, friendly teacher who worked with children.

"Stop thinking so hard," Iruka admonished. "I can hear the gears turning in your head."

"No, you can't," Kakashi answered automatically.

Iruka climbed to his feet, and Kakashi got an excellent view of pants stretched tight across Iruka's backside as Iruka bent to pick up the mugs and teapot. Desire flared low inside of Kakashi. He ignored it. Iruka straightened and took the teapot and the two mugs back to the kitchen.

"You're still thinking," Iruka called from the kitchen.

"Yeah. I try to make it a habit to think. I've been told it's a good practice," Kakashi called back dryly, rolling off the couch onto his feet and padding out to the kitchen. He was rewarded with Iruka's warm, golden laugh as Iruka threw away the old tea leaves and set the teapot and mugs in the sink.

But then the laughter faded and was replaced by an intense, unreadable look. Iruka's brown eyes pierced Kakashi. "May I ask you a question? Do you really _want_ to spend your cycles with casual partners?" he asked, voice almost too low to hear.

"I...." Kakashi hesitated. "It's complicated."

"I'm sure it is," Iruka agreed. He bit his lip in the most endearing look of hesitation Kakashi thought he'd ever seen. "But just... be careful, okay?"

Kakashi smiled wryly. "I do my best. It can't get much worse, though."

Iruka shook his head. "What if I hadn't been there?"

Kakashi blinked, and then it clicked. "Oh, no, I don't mean compared to last week. I.... Never mind."

Iruka frowned. "What happened?"

Kakashi looked away, feeling his shoulders growing heavy. "Nothing."

"You're a terrible liar," Iruka told him frankly. "You don't have to tell me, but I'll always listen if you want to talk." Kakashi could hear the smile in his voice as Iruka added, "The pack of my pack is my pack, right? Uh, you know Naruto considers you part of his pack, don't you?"

Kakashi's head snapped up. "What?"

"You, and Sakura, and even Sasuke, yeah," Iruka said, shrugging. "Is it really that surprising to you?"

"Yeah," Kakashi said, flabbergasted. "I... yeah. It is."

Iruka looked over Kakashi discerningly. "Do you not consider them part of your pack?"

Kakashi hesitated. "I... hadn't thought about it. It's dangerous enough to be associated with me, without being part of my pack. I don't need to put any of them in that kind of danger."

Iruka's eyes rasped across Kakashi's soul, leaving a long, stinging burn there. But all he said was, "Ah." Then, abruptly, he turned toward the door, his body clearly indicating that he expected Kakashi to leave. The abrupt shift made Kakashi feel off-balance.

"We should do this more often," Iruka said as Kakashi followed him. "Well, maybe not the exam grading. But I had a good time today."

"So did I," Kakashi replied honestly. "Thank you, Iruka-sensei."

Iruka smiled. "I'm glad I was there, the other night. At the bar."

Kakashi hesitated. He wasn't sure what to say to that. He probably would have been able to stave off his heat for another two or three hours, if he hadn't fallen into Iruka, and his heat would definitely have been far less intense. But Iruka had kept him safe and had made sure that no one would take advantage of his compromised state. "Thank you," he settled on saying.

Iruka's smile vanished and he smacked Kakashi upside the head. "Don't do that kind of stupid thing again," he scolded fiercely.

Kakashi winced and rubbed the back of his head. "Yes, sensei," he said.

Iruka's smile reappeared as though it had never disappeared to begin with, though it gentled. "Take better care of yourself, Kakashi-san. People care about you, and don't want to see you hurt just because you think, in your twisted brain, that you deserve to be hurt."

Kakashi blinked, staring at Iruka.

"What?" Iruka asked. "You told me yourself that you feel guilty." But he couldn't know about Obito and Rin and Minato-sensei..... In a flash, Kakashi realized that Iruka meant his guilt about what had happened with Sasuke and the rest of Team 7. "Everyone's self-destructive in different ways, when they shoulder the feeling that they've done others wrong." He shrugged. "It's amazing to see the myriad ways people punish themselves. Kids are less subtle about it, but I see a lot of adults do it, too. God knows I'm not above it."

"Oh," Kakashi said, at a loss for words. The thought of Iruka doing something to hurt himself twisted painfully in his chest.

"Don't make that face," Iruka scolded with a smile. "My main self-destructive behavior is overworking. And probably my diet, if I'm being completely honest with myself," he mused. "But ramen is so _good_." He chuckled.

"Oh," Kakashi repeated.

"Never mind," Iruka said, reddening. Apparently it had been a joke, and Kakashi had been meant to laugh. Oops. "Just take better care of yourself, okay?"

"Yes, Iruka-sensei," Kakashi said, ducking his head as he slipped on his shoes.

"I mean it, Kakashi-san," Iruka said, opening the door for Kakashi. He smiled as Kakashi slipped past him out of the apartment. "Not that he would ever admit it, but Naruto would murder me if you got yourself hurt."

Kakashi turned. "And here I thought you cared," he joked.

An interesting flush rose on Iruka's cheeks. "Well, I mean, of course I do, Kakashi-san," he stammered, "you're an important member of our community, and–"

Kakashi waved Iruka's words off, chuckling. "Don't take what I say so seriously," he said, his eye curved into a smile over his mask. He turned back away, pulled out his book, and began walking in a random direction. "Thanks for the tea and the company, sensei. See you."

"Yeah," he heard Iruka say. "See you."

The door closed quietly behind him, and Kakashi let his feet carry him away.

His feet brought him to the Memorial Stone, but because it was late afternoon, several individuals and one family milled around the memorial. Kakashi turned before anyone saw him and headed to the road.

He meandered aimlessly, his nose in his book, for a while. He enjoyed walking as he read. It was certainly better than hanging around in his cramped little apartment, reading. Indeed, he kept the lousy apartment in part because the size and unappealing sterility of his apartment motivated him to get out more.

Iruka-sensei's apartment was the opposite of his own, Kakashi reflected. A dining room with hobby-related items scattered across the table. A living room with plants, drawings by students and photographs of Iruka-sensei's classes, smiles abound. A comfortable old couch that was clearly well-loved. Eclectic mugs. A beautiful, faded quilt that must have been handmade.

What must it be like, to live in a home like that, instead of in an impersonal shelter like his own?

He shrugged off the thought. Kakashi didn't _want_ a home; his choice to make his apartment unappealing was precisely that: a choice. It had nothing to do with the fact that he had no other photographs to hang, no drawings or letters to pin on his bulletin board, no way to take care of more plants if he had a long mission, only some notes and a few paintings. He didn't want his apartment to reveal his heart if someone broke in looking for ways to hurt him.

Iruka-sensei was foolish, Kakashi told himself sharply. He was foolish to have so many connections out in the open, for anyone to see. He was a fool to invite someone he hardly knew into such an open apartment. He was a fool to wear his heart and his emotions openly. Any friendship with such a foolishly open person would only open that person up to harm.

They could go back to being politely distant, and Kakashi would just be more careful about where he was when he found his hormones rising again.

Iruka-sensei had been right about one thing, though; Kakashi's tendency to seek out physical companionship during his cycles was stupid. It was time for him to grow up and stop endangering others by associating with them. (He knew that wasn't why Iruka-sensei had said it was stupid for him to have gone to the bar, but it was a valid reason to move away from that behavior.) And a small part of him had to wonder how much of his seeking out a partner was a self-destructive behavior. The venereal diseases he'd had to be treated for, on more than one occasion, screamed self-destruction, for example.

He found the tree whose branch hung over the stone bench and leapt into his branch, settling down to read. He didn't read on this branch very often, anymore, because it always reminded him of the conversation he'd had with Iruka-sensei when the young teacher's eyes had looked so dead.

But he wanted to remember that deadened look, right now. He desperately wanted to forget how easily his own heart had been stolen by those kind brown eyes.

He was such a sucker.

But he'd cured himself of a fixation on the teacher once before, and he could do it again.

He sighed at his book. Iruka-sensei hadn't hated him, and Kakashi was no longer certain that Iruka-sensei was even capable of hatred. And today had made it clear that trying to put the motivation on Iruka-sensei to keep a distance between them wasn't going to work anymore. He would have to take the initiative by avoiding Iruka-sensei.

A nice S-rank would help with that, he decided, and made his way to Hokage Tower to request a mission that would get him out of Konoha.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which this author tried to write about a cold place and then got too cold to continue, _or_ in which Kakashi continues to be ~~an idiot~~ conflicted and Iruka successfully traps him using vegetables.

Tsunade-sama had given Kakashi a discerning stare, but then handed over a mission scroll that said the mission would take him out of Konoha for two months. Tsunade-sama made him carry with him two months' supply of suppressants, just in case Kakashi needed to extend his mission. He wondered how many people knew, since his mistake in the bar that night, that he was an omega. The suppressants weighed far too heavily in his sealing scroll.

He resisted the urge to leave that evening, instead forcing himself to get in a final night's sleep.

He awoke two hours before dawn, anticipation of his mission acting as an internal alarm clock as always. He slid a note under Gai's door asking him to water Ukki-kun, and set out, fully equipped to leave, to make a stop at the Memorial Stone.

He stayed only long enough to say goodbye to the dead, then made his way out of the town. It was still dark and the main gate still closed, so the gate guard had to let him out through the side door.

He ran.

He was grateful that his destination in the Land of Lightning was so far away. It meant that he could push himself to run until he couldn't think, find somewhere secluded and safe to bed down for the night, and pass out. In the morning, he devoured a ration bar without tasting it and did the same thing all over again.

By the time he was halfway between the border of the Land of Lightning and his destination town of Mikasayama, the snow was several feet deep. He'd purchased boots and a heavy wool cloak in the last town he'd passed through, but he was still cold, and he thought wistfully of the cozy fireplace at the inn he'd stopped at and the steaming mug of tea he'd drunk, both now several hours behind him. He certainly could have used his chakra to maintain his body heat, but the winter clothes were essential for blending in with the locals, so winter clothes it was. His chakra was better used keeping him on top of the deep snow, anyway.

Why had he signed up for this, again?

He crammed his hands in his pockets, wrapping his fingers around the smooth stones he'd put in them. He heated the stones with _katon_ and kept them in his pockets to keep his fingers warm. It was a good strategy for warding off frostbite, but it meant he was carrying extra weight. Still. Worth it.

The sun was sinking low in the horizon, and although there were still three hours before it would set, the air was already beginning to chill, and he was too far from the nearest town to find an inn. He should stop and make shelter.

Reluctantly, Kakashi summoned his ninken pack to help him make a quinzhee-style snow shelter.

Between the nine of them, and with incessant complaining on the parts of the ninken, they got a comfortable quinzhee made by the time the sun had set. Kakashi even had the chance to reheat his river stones with another _katon_. The ninken departed, and Kakashi hunkered down beneath the dome of packed snow.

He dreamed of Konoha and the soft brown eyes of a teacher.

He finally reached Mikasayama. A day's run away, he colored his hair black and slicked it back into a small, tight ponytail, switching out his forehead protector for a simple eyepatch. The remainder of his jōnin uniform had already been sealed into a scroll and replaced with items in the local style. For the next month, he would go by the name Nota Kabane, playing the role of a journeyman who had traveled for inspiration as he collected information on the missing-nin supposedly in hiding somewhere close by.

Unfortunately, he hadn't thought about the fact that a great deal of his time would be spent idling and picking up odd, inane jobs around town like chopping wood, and these things gave him plenty of time to think. Too much, in fact.

He went after his goal more aggressively than he might have normally, sick of the cold and of the thoughts about a certain chūnin teacher that dogged him. He retrieved his information, defeated the enemy, yadda yadda – who cared? These missions all started running into one another when he just wanted to get back to somewhere _warm_ – and left without fanfare.

He made it home a little over week earlier than scheduled.

Of course, this left the problem of being in Konoha, where he might run into Iruka-sensei at any time.

He took shorter, more intense missions, filling his time with them and spending the rest of his time in the hospital. For once in his life, he didn't refuse the painkillers that clouded his mind. He wanted to forget.

Occasionally, he did still see Iruka-sensei, but he kept their conversations brief before "remembering" that he'd promised to meet Gai for a challenge, or that he was on his way to spar with Yamato, or that he had to wash his cat. (That last one left Iruka-sensei looking very puzzled, and Kakashi kicked himself over it for several excruciating nights, but at least he'd been able to get away.)

He went through two of his cycles in the seven months before Iruka-sensei ambushed him at the greengrocer's.

"Why have you been avoiding me?" Iruka-sensei asked mildly, shoving a handful of leafy greens at Kakashi.

"What?" he asked, confused by the vegetables he suddenly found in his hands.

"Why have you been avoiding me?" Iruka-sensei repeated, wandering down the aisle to grab a daikon. He handed the daikon to Kakashi so abruptly that Kakashi grabbed it without thinking about it, then looked down at it, even more confused than before.

"Why are you handing me vegetables?" Kakashi asked instead of responding.

"So you won't run away again," Iruka-sensei said, shooting Kakashi a bright smile. "So?" He wandered away, forcing Kakashi to trot after him.

"I'm not avoiding you," Kakashi said. "Here." He tried to shove them back at Iruka-sensei, but Iruka-sensei ignored the vegetables, even when Kakashi pushed them against Iruka-sensei's arm.

"Yes, you are," Iruka-sensei said absently, picking through a pile of Asian pears, presumably seeking ones of precisely the right... size, or something.

"I'm not," Kakashi insisted. "Do you want a basket?"

"No," Iruka-sensei said, smiling again.

"I'm going to get you a basket."

"I don't need one," Iruka-sensei said, selecting two pears and handing them to Kakashi. It took a little juggling to get the daikon and pears to balance. "Help me pick a good eggplant. I have no idea how to find a good one."

"Uhh, okay," Kakashi said reluctantly. They went to the display. Kakashi shrugged. "They all look pretty good."

"Hmm. Is it better to get bigger ones, or smaller ones?" Iruka-sensei asked, eyeing them.

"Bigger ones are a little more bitter," Kakashi said. "The smaller ones tend to be younger and have a better flavor."

"And the color?" Iruka-sensei said, inspecting some of the smaller eggplants.

"Shinier ones usually have better flavor. Don't get that one, it's overripe," he cut in, as Iruka went to pick one up.

"How do you know?" Iruka-sensei asked, looking up at Kakashi with curiosity.

"It looks too soft. You want them to be firm, but not hard. And the skin is too dull. Try that one. That one with the bright stem." He jutted his chin towards one sitting near the edge of the display.

Iruka-sensei picked it up and squeezed it. "Do you think?" He held it up for Kakashi to see.

Kakashi maneuvered the greens on top of the daikon and pears and stuck out his hand for the eggplant. "Yeah, this one should be good," he agreed.

Iruka-sensei smiled brightly. "See? I knew you would have good advice."

"I, uh. Thank you?" Kakashi said mulishly, feeling tricked.

"So why are you avoiding me, Kakashi-san?" Iruka asked, still smiling.

Kakashi swallowed. Iruka-sensei's persistence was starting to make him very uncomfortable. "I'm not, Iruka-sensei," he said.

"Oh, an answer!" Iruka-sensei said, sounding pleased. "Try doing it again, but without lying this time."

Kakashi felt a drop of sweat tickle down the back of his neck. Iruka-sensei was very possibly scarier like this than when he was shouting. "Maybe... we can talk about it somewhere else," he suggested weakly.

"Alright," Iruka-sensei said agreeably. "Would you like to share a pot of tea with me at my apartment?"

"There's... a tea shop near here," Kakashi managed to say.

Something flickered across Iruka-sensei's face. Disappointment? Displeasure? Hurt? Anger? It was difficult to say, especially since it was replaced immediately by an agreeable smile. "Alright," he said, grabbing a package of shimeji mushrooms. "Let me buy these, and we can go there."

Kakashi followed him to the register and laid the items on the counter. Iruka added the shimeji and pulled out his wallet.

"What are you _making_?" Kakashi asked himself under his breath, looking at the bizarre assortment of items. The collection of foodstuffs seemed haphazard at best. Iruka-sensei hadn't been joking about being unable to cook.

If Iruka-sensei heard him, he didn't say anything. He merely paid and accepted the bag of groceries from the smiling man at the counter with a pleasant thanks.

They went out to the street, where Kakashi pulled out his book and stuck his nose in it. He'd completely forgotten to buy his own groceries, but he wanted to get through this conversation with Iruka-sensei. The groceries could wait.

The book was plucked from his fingers before he realized it. He swiped for it before it disappeared into Iruka-sensei's inner jacket pocket.

" _Hey_!"

"Told you I was fast," Iruka-sensei said with a mischievous grin. "I'm holding your book hostage until we talk."

"I wasn't going to run away," Kakashi grumbled, stuffing his hands in his pockets, unwilling to grope at Iruka for his book. If it had been anyone else, he would have been confident of his ability to grab the book back with ease, but he wasn't sure he wanted his hands that close to Iruka's chest.

"Well, then, I'm just holding your book for you until we've talked," Iruka-sensei said amicably.

"That's cruel."

Iruka-sensei chuckled. "No one ever said I wasn't."

"Hn," Kakashi huffed.

They walked in a peaceable silence until they arrived at the tea house. They traded a look, and Kakashi requested one of the private rooms in the back.

Settled on the tatami, a low table between them, they waited quietly until their tea and some snacks were brought.

"So," Iruka-sensei said, picking up his mug as the waiter closed the paper door and retreated. "Why have you been avoiding me?"

"What makes you so sure I have been?" Kakashi asked mildly, rolling his mug between his palms a little as he let the tea cool.

"You said you had a good time, that day I invited you to have tea with me," Iruka-sensei said quietly, looking down at his tea. "And then you started taking every mission you could get your hands on. I've heard you've been to the hospital six times in the last four months. You're running yourself ragged. You look exhausted. Am I really wrong?"

Kakashi looked down at his own mug. He was exhausted. "Seven," he said simply.

"What?"

"I've been to the hospital seven times in the last four months," Kakashi mumbled. "But that's quite normal for me."

"Not if the ranting Tsunade-sama has been doing means anything," Iruka-sensei said, mouth twisting into a wry smile. "She keeps dumping more paperwork on me so she can go check on you at the hospital. Well, I think she likes the excuse, really," he observed. "She hates paperwork."

"Oh."

"That doesn't change the fact that you're getting hospitalized more often than you were six months ago," Iruka-sensei said with a sigh. "I'd just like to know why so I can stop doing whatever it is that I'm doing. You said you didn't hate me, but...." His voice trailed off. "I just don't know what I could be doing to bother you so much."

"I don't hate you," Kakashi confirmed somberly.

"Is it because of... that night?" Iruka asked softly. When they'd both been combatting overwhelming hormones.

Kakashi hesitated. "No. Not really, no."

"But a little?"

"A little," Kakashi acknowledged heavily. Unwanted, rejected... and how desperately he had wanted Iruka-sensei! "But it's not your fault. I was careless, and I'm grateful to you for making sure I was safe."

"What do you want me to do, Kakashi-san?" Iruka asked, his voice cracking a little. "If that's not why, then what can I do to make things better for you?"

Kakashi shook his head. "Nothing, Iruka-sensei," he said.

"Oh, stop calling me that," Iruka said, still staring at his tea. "Just Iruka is fine."

"Iruka-sensei–"

"Iruka."

"Iruka- _sensei_ ," Kakashi said firmly, "I don't make connections. I don't have friends or loved ones. I don't embed myself into the heartbeat of Konoha like you do, because I _can't_. I can't afford to."

"You have Gai-san and Yamato-san," Iruka pointed out. "And Team 7. I don't care what you say, I know you care about them."

"Gai and Yamato are... unique," Kakashi said at his tea. "As for Team 7.... I never wanted to be a jōnin sensei. Sandaime essentially ordered me to do so. Yes, I care about them, but it wasn't because I wanted to."

"You think I'm weak, don't you, Kakashi-san?" Iruka asked abruptly.

Kakashi's head jerked up, his eye catching Iruka's before immediately falling away again. "No."

"You do, though," Iruka said, blatantly ignoring Kakashi's denial. "Why wouldn't you? I'm just a chūnin pre-genin teacher."

"I don't.... You're very good with seals," Kakashi said lamely.

"Decent, yes," Iruka said simply. "But that's not enough for you."

"What do you mean?" Kakashi asked.

"You think I'm too weak to be associated with you. That someone might target me, and I'd be unable to defend myself. Am I wrong?"

Kakashi hesitated. "Yes."

"You're a terrible liar," Iruka said breezily. He sipped his tea.

"Okay, partly," Kakashi said, feeling his face growing hot. "It's more that I don't know that you'd be able to defend yourself, than that I believe you wouldn't be able to."

"What's the rest, then?"

Kakashi shook his head, then made himself drink some of the tea from his mug. He felt numb. He didn't even taste the tea.

"Is it because I'm an alpha?" Iruka asked, very quietly, looking down into his cup. "You've had a bad experience with an alpha."

"More that one," Kakashi said shortly, implicitly acknowledging his discomfort.

"You know, I used to wish I'd been an omega, like my parents," Iruka said softly. "It felt like everything would have made more sense. Like that's what I was _supposed_ to be."

Kakashi didn't know what to say, so he remained silent.

"I always thought you were a beta," Iruka said suddenly.

"Not an alpha?" Kakashi asked, trying to keep the bitterness from his voice.

Iruka laughed. "No, not an alpha. I like you too much."

Kakashi started, his gaze yanked back to Iruka's. "What?"

"Alphas butt heads and get all territorial," Iruka said. "I mean, you and I have had our arguments, too, but not in the same way. I can tolerate being in the same room with you. I thought you might be an alpha, after the chūnin exam nominations, I admit. But that's the only time we've ever had a problem with shared pack members." He shrugged, smiling wryly. "Being an alpha is _exhausting_."

"At least you don't have to deal with being in heat," Kakashi said dryly.

"For which I am deeply grateful," Iruka said emphatically. "It sounds horrible to go through alone."

Kakashi blinked, looking up at Iruka, puzzled.

Sorrow colored Iruka's smile. "My parents used to laugh together."

"While they were–" Kakashi cut himself off, half-appalled at what he'd been about to ask, half too shocked by the idea to finish the thought. _Laughing_ while in heat, and with another omega, not an alpha? It was inconceivable.

"Mm," Iruka agreed. "They had the relationship I used to dream of having. But...." He shrugged again, and something akin to pain flickered across his features.

"But what?" Kakashi asked gently.

"Some things are meant for other people and not for me," Iruka said with a painfully false smile.

"What on earth makes you think that?" Kakashi gaped. "Why couldn't you have a relationship like that?"

"Because I'm an alpha," Iruka said tightly, fingers tightening around his mug almost imperceptibly. "It's pretty disgusting, how we can be so cruel and awful to other people. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about."

"But _you're_ not like that," Kakashi said fiercely. "And what happened to people's secondary genders not mattering to you?"

Iruka snorted. "I'm perfectly capable of ripping people a new one, actually, and I do it more than I'd like to admit. I have a short fuse, and I know it. I've yelled at you, too, remember?" he added dryly.

"When it was justified," Kakashi retorted. "So? When did people's secondary genders start mattering to you? You told me yourself that people are more than just their types."

Iruka sighed. "Yes, but I get the urge to protect and provide for my pack just like any other alpha. Only, I really am just a chūnin pre-genin teacher. The only people I can protect are pre-genin, genin, and civilians."

"Oof. I take it you're not interested in a relationship with a genin or a civilian?"

Iruka snorted again. "I wouldn't necessarily be against it, in theory. But even if I were, who cares? I'm so busy, I'd never see them. Who wants a partner like that? And frankly, my income isn't anything to write home about, either. I'm a teacher because I love it, not because the pay is good. I'd be a terrible provider." He smiled, but there was a bitterness to it. "I'm a bit of a lousy alpha."

"You're very open," Kakashi said softly.

"Yes," Iruka agreed simply.

"Why? I don't understand," Kakashi murmured, brow furrowing. "If you're worried about being weak...."

Iruka smiled lopsidedly. "It's very difficult to be struck emotionally when you've already addressed and accepted your emotions," he pointed out. "It's very rare that people can successfully hit me with an emotional attack. My honesty is my defense. And it's one of the few things I'm truly good at."

Kakashi blinked. "...Huh."

Iruka smiled. "Plus, it means it's more difficult for people to recognize when I'm keeping something secret."

"Do you think so?" Kakashi mused.

"Mm. I have a few secrets, Kakashi-san. Not many, but some. Most people don't know I'm an alpha, for example. My guess is that you're one of five or six people alive who do. Well, now, and a whole bar full of people, I guess," he said, chuckling wryly.

"Oh," Kakashi said quietly. "Not many people know I'm an omega, either." It felt strange to say it. It had been such a long time since he'd said, "I'm an omega." Just saying the words felt like revealing a weakness, and he had the conflicting urges to slouch more, closing himself off, and to tilt his chin up and to the side to bare his throat as a signal that he sought the benevolent mercy of the alpha in front of him. He did neither, and instead remained unmoving.

Iruka bit his lip. "I hope it was okay that I got Gai-sensei, that day. I hope I didn't accidentally reveal something about you. I thought that if anyone would know, he would. And he's a good man." He was blathering a little.

Kakashi let his eye show his smile over his mask. "He and Yamato already knew. Thank you for your concern."

"Oh, good," Iruka said, visibly relieved. "I wasn't sure how else to make sure you got home safely." He looked away.

Kakashi smiled again. "I understand."

Iruka picked up a package of rice crackers from the tray on the table and fiddled with it almost nervously. The plastic crunched and crinkled distractingly. "Truth be told, I've never had an experience like that. I had no idea what to do."

"I haven't, either," Kakashi said dryly.

"No, I mean– I haven't– you're the first– I've never smelled an omega in... you know," Iruka said helplessly. "Well, except for my parents, but that was before I presented."

Kakashi blinked, the only change in expression that betrayed his surprise. "Really?"

"Yeah," Iruka said, looking away unhappily.

"You have a remarkable amount of self-discipline," Kakashi remarked, dryly amused.

"Do I?" Iruka looked surprised.

"Yes," Kakashi said quietly.

Iruka's eyes widened slightly as the implications sank in. "Oh, no. I'm sorry, Kakashi-san," he breathed, horror etched subtly into his voice, his eyes fixed on Kakashi's.

"Don't pity me," Kakashi snapped, glaring.

"I'm sorry," Iruka said softly, his gaze still pinning Kakashi down. "I just.... That's awful. It's awful."

"Whatever," Kakashi said shortly. "It's in the past."

"I don't blame you for avoiding me," Iruka said quietly, looking down at the package of rice crackers forgotten in his hands. "I would've left you alone if I'd known."

"I'm not avoiding you because you're an alpha," Kakashi said quickly. Internally, he kicked himself for saying it. Wasn't he trying to put space between himself and Iruka? But his nature was obviously a sore point for Iruka, and Kakashi hated seeing the flat sorrow in those brown eyes.

"But...."

Kakashi sighed. "Look, I admit that I avoid alphas on the whole, but you're... different. You respected the fact that I wasn't in the right state of mind to be able to consent, and you held yourself back, which, by the way, I thought was impossible."

Iruka smiled wryly. "It wasn't easy."

"I've heard it's impossible," Kakashi repeated bluntly.

"You weren't.... You were still in pre-heat, weren't you?" Iruka asked, voice small, as a dark blush climbed over the bridge of his nose and cheekbones.

"Well, yes," Kakashi admitted.

"I think that's probably the only reason why," Iruka mumbled. "That, and I took about half a dozen too many suppressants the second I could."

Kakashi's eye widened. "You're not supposed to take them like that," he scolded. "That's dangerous, sensei, you should know that."

Iruka looked away. "I'm very aware."

"Then _why_?"

"Because you were in a compromised state, and that was the only thing I could think of to do to make sure you stayed safe," Iruka said, voice flat. "I don't know if I'd be able to go on living, if I raped somebody. I would rather die." His voice held a caustic revulsion Kakashi had never heard in Iruka's voice before, biting and viscerally honest.

"You mean that hyperbolically, of course," Kakashi said, forcing his voice to remain mild.

"I'm completely serious," Iruka said, looking disgusted. "Even the thought of it makes my skin crawl."

"Oh." Kakashi had no idea what to say to that. He'd never seen someone so determined to overcome their nature like that. "But...."

"But, nothing. I'm not a feral animal."

"No, that's not what I was going to say," Kakashi said slowly, picking through words to find the right ones. "I'm just.... Do you find me unattractive?"

"What? No," Iruka said, then immediately went bright red. "I mean."

"But you said you'd've turned me down even if I hadn't been having my cycle," Kakashi said, steadfastly ignoring the warmth that was spreading across his own cheeks.

"Y– yes," Iruka said uncomfortably.

"Even though I would have been capable of consenting."

"Y– yes."

"Is it because I'm a man?" Kakashi wondered aloud.

"No, I– I'm, uh, attracted to both men and women," Iruka said, his blush darkening. "I don't really want to play twenty questions over this, but you're obviously determined to figure out why, aren't you?"

"Maa," Kakashi wanted to say noncommittally. "Yes," he blurted instead, unable to stop the word from falling from his lips.

"I don't do casual sex." Iruka looked away. "Uh, I've... never...." His voice had gone small.

Kakashi blinked. "You've never had sex."

"I've, uh, done some things, but... no," Iruka said, looking like he wanted to crawl into a hole and die of embarrassment as he scratched at one end of the scar that stretched across his nose. "I mean, I've had opportunities to, but I've never wanted casual sex," he added quickly.

"Surely you've been in serious relationships, though, haven't you?" Kakashi asked, unable to shut himself up.

"N– no," Iruka said. "I've dated a few people, but I figured out pretty early on that they weren't what I was looking for in a partner, so... no, not really."

"Oh."

"It's a little embarrassing," Iruka said, rubbing his scar again. The action seemed unconscious, and Kakashi found it amusingly endearing.

"I don't think it's something to be embarrassed by," Kakashi said quietly. "It makes me kind of embarrassed by my own behaviour."

Iruka blinked. "You mean because you seek out casual partners?"

"Yes," Kakashi said, keeping his voice light and lazy.

Iruka shook his head. "Everyone's entitled to their own choices and their own behavior."

"Then so are you," Kakashi pointed out. "And at least you're being safe."

Iruka barked a short laugh. "Not a bad byproduct of my relationship choices, I admit." He sobered. "No, but I mean, I teach the kids to be safe and use protection. They're so young that I don't know how much really sinks in, but I do my best."

"The omegas of the world thank you," Kakashi quipped.

Iruka frowned. "Do you mind if I ask you a sort of personal question?"

"Uh," Kakashi said, taken aback. "Ask away, I suppose. I can't promise I'll answer."

"Is it true that– I mean, I've read that, um, omegas in heat have a great deal of difficulty with, you know, logical thought...."

"We lose ourselves and become breeding machines," Kakashi said flatly. "No two people are exactly alike, and there's a certain amount that self-discipline and training can help with that, but as it turns out," he said, a wry, bitter smile crossing his face, "no amount of training and self-discipline can overcome the scent of every alpha in rut."

It was fascinating to watch the color changes as Iruka blanched, followed by the color rising hot on his face. "I'm sorry," he blurted. "I didn't mean–"

"It wasn't your fault," Kakashi broke in smoothly. "I was drunk and fell into you. It's not like you were being some kind of predator or something."

"Right," Iruka said, looking ashamed. "Still. That must have been really unpleasant."

"That cycle was," Kakashi said, shrugging, "but I survived. And I'm not the one who took too much medication."

"Right," Iruka said.

"Do you know many omegas?" Kakashi asked after a moment.

Iruka shook his head. "I'm not close to many adults," he admitted. He smiled ruefully. "If our roles had been switched, that night, I'm not sure there would have been anyone good to call."

"But you have so many friends," Kakashi said, frowning. "You know everybody."

"Knowing everybody and being friends with them are two completely different things," Iruka pointed out. "I'm extroverted. What can I say? But I don't really have the time to cultivate high-quality relationships."

Kakashi stared blankly at Iruka.

"I don't!" Iruka protested. "I invited you in for tea and we talked for what, twenty minutes before I had to sit down and grade? I'm still shocked you stayed, by the way."

"You told me to," Kakashi said, amused.

"You didn't have to if you didn't want to," Iruka said, flushing.

"It was nice," Kakashi said, smiling a little. "Even if you do talk to yourself while you grade."

Iruka's eyes widened a little. "I do?"

Kakashi chuckled. "Sometimes."

"Oh. Uh, oops," Iruka said, laughing and scratching his scar, embarrassed.

"It's endearing," Kakashi said, then resisted the urge to clap a hand over his mouth. He hadn't meant to say that aloud.

Iruka frowned, confused. "You like me."

"Uh," Kakashi said, his face immediately going hot and his heart beating a tattoo against his ribcage. He curled his hands into fists on his thighs. "I mean, of course, as Team 7's former teacher, I respect you, and I've enjoyed speaking with you–"

"I didn't mean that you're attracted to me," Iruka said, amused. "I just meant that you don't dislike me."

"Right. Of course. Yes."

"So why are you avoiding me?"

Kakashi stood. "I think I'd better go, sensei."

"Sit down," Iruka said mildly. Kakashi sat. "Do you always make it a habit to run away when you're uncomfortable?"

"When I can," Kakashi said, smiling awkwardly over his mask. "You're very persistent, though."

"It's part of why I'm a good teacher," Iruka acknowledged with a wry smile. "So?"

Kakashi sighed. "I really am concerned about associating with you, because I'm concerned any association with me might put a target on your back. You're not in any bingo books. I am. I'm still shocked I've lived past the age of twenty."

"Oh, is that all?" Iruka asked, smiling.

"What do you mean, 'is that all'? It's dangerous! Much more dangerous than you seem to think it is."

Iruka chuckled. "I'm the honorary family of one of the few remaining jinchūriki in the world, Kakashi-san. No offense, but I'm far more likely to be targeted for my relationship with Naruto than for knowing you."

Kakashi glowered. "Then it's doubly important not to add to the risk."

"Frankly, Kakashi-san, because we share a common bond through Naruto, we're already connected. If someone was that dead set on hurting you, they wouldn't hesitate to use me to achieve that goal."

Kakashi's glower grew into a full-blown glare. "Still, an association between you and myself would only serve to increase the risk."

"I like you. I'd like to be friends," Iruka said simply, even as his cheeks burned red. "If you don't want to, that's one thing, but I'd like you to let me decide for myself what kind of risk I'm willing to expose myself to." He hesitated. "Please."

"Iruka-sensei...."

"Is that really so much to ask?" Iruka wanted to know.

Kakashi looked away. "It's a lot," he said softly. "You might be able to handle it, but... I'm not sure that I can."

"Ah," Iruka said softly. "I see." Out of the corner of his eye, Kakashi saw him bite his lip.

Then Iruka reluctantly pulled out the bright orange book and passed it to Kakashi. Kakashi accepted it and slipped it into his own pocket.

"Iruka-sensei...."

Iruka smiled tightly. "I can't ask you to worry about me, unfortunately," he said. "I would have liked to get to know you better."

Kakashi's mouth twisted unhappily. "I'm sorry," he said. The phrase felt trite on his tongue. "I would have, too."

Iruka smiled wryly. "Well, if you ever change your mind about being able to handle my being in your circle of association, I'll be around."

"Right," Kakashi said awkwardly, climbing to his feet. Then, before he could stop himself, he blurted, "Would you like to get dinner together sometime?" He kicked himself internally, but didn't try to take it back.

Iruka blinked, then a smile spread across his face. Every fear clenching in his gut was worth seeing the warmth of that smile.

"I'd like that very much," Iruka said. "My evening schedule is fixed on Mondays through Fridays because I work at the Mission Assignment Desk, but it's flexible on Saturdays and Sundays."

Kakashi thought quickly. Today was Saturday. Tomorrow seemed too soon, but he could be sent on a mission at any time and thus had no way of knowing that he would be in town next weekend.

"Tomorrow?" Kakashi asked, suddenly nervous and trying not to telegraph his anxiety. He was usually much better at keeping his emotions in check than this. At least he could clamp down on his scent with chakra.

Iruka smiled. "Okay."

They were silent for a moment, and Kakashi caught the laughter dancing in Iruka's eyes again.

"Did you have somewhere in mind now, or would you like to meet me at my place tomorrow evening?" Iruka prompted.

"Oh," Kakashi said, startled. "I have no idea. Maybe we can meet at your apartment."

"Alright," Iruka said. Kakashi got the distinct sense that the teacher was laughing at him. "What time?"

"Um."

"How about six thirty?" Iruka suggested.

"That sounds good," Kakashi agreed. "I'll see you then."

"Have a nice afternoon, Kakashi-san," Iruka said cheerfully.

The last thing Kakashi saw of Iruka was his glowing smile as he sipped his tea. Kakashi fled.


	9. Chapter 9

Kakashi leaned back against the wall beside the door to Iruka's apartment, reading and trying not to think about how much this felt like a date. They were just two colleagues who happened to be getting dinner together, he told himself firmly. There was nothing more to it.

His control over his chakra and his scent were impeccable, but he nervously kept feeling his chakra flow, pulling his scent in more tightly. He didn't know how much would be revealed if he lost control of his scent, but it would be too much. He made a mental note to get a prescription for scent suppressants.

The door opened and a surprised-looking Iruka poked his head out as Kakashi did his best to neither jump nor automatically go for a kunai. "I _thought_ I heard you out there. You're early."

"Maa, I was worried about getting lost," Kakashi said, internally kicking himself as soon as the words left his lips. The reason his excuse had been so stupid, though, was because Iruka's statement alarmed him. Kakashi could hide his chakra well enough, and move silently enough, to startle Anbu; Iruka shouldn't have been able to sense him whatsoever.

"Well, I'm glad you found your way back," Iruka said, and Kakashi got the sense that Iruka was laughing at him again. "I'm almost ready. I was just watering my plants. Why don't you come in?"

"Thank you," Kakashi said, following Iruka into the foyer. He tucked his book into his pocket as he puzzled over Iruka's uncanny ability to sense him.

He waited as Iruka quickly finished watering the plants, then Iruka reappeared with a charming smile. Kakashi tried not to melt.

Iruka's sleeves were turned up as usual, revealing milk-caramel skin, the bandages from kunai training long since gone. There was something pleasant about seeing his sleeves rolled up again, inexplicably making Iruka look softer around the edges. His hair was damp in its tight, tidy ponytail.

"Thank you for waiting."

"It was no trouble," Kakashi said.

"So did you have a place in mind?" Iruka asked as they stepped out onto the landing. He locked up and flicked through hand signs to activate his barriers and wards.

"I had a couple of ideas," Kakashi said. "There's a place that makes homestyle cooking that's quite good."

"Let's do that," Iruka said, smiling.

Well... that had been easy.

Kakashi tucked his hands in his pockets and navigated them in the direction of the restaurant.

Iruka walked on his left. It had seemed like a coincidence the other times they'd walked anywhere together, but he realized Iruka had never stood on Kakashi's right. He stopped abruptly and pretended to re-tighten one of his leg straps, letting Iruka walk ahead two paces. Idly, Kakashi stood and went to walk on Iruka's left.

Iruka grinned.

"What?" Kakashi asked.

"I'd make a joke that you were looking at my butt, but that's too obvious," Iruka snickered. "What were you looking for?"

Kakashi felt his face heat up with a blush and sent a small prayer of thanks to his childhood self for creating his mask-wearing habit. "You walk on my left," he said simply.

"Would you rather I not?" Iruka asked. "You could just say so, you know."

"I don't mind," Kakashi said. "I was merely curious as to whether you were doing so on purpose."

Iruka smiled embarrassedly, pink spreading across his cheekbones. "Ah. I didn't even realize. It's a habit. When I have students who are more likely to be able to respond on one side than the other, I try to stay where they're most likely to need me to be. I guess I subconsciously assumed your left is your blind spot and did the same thing. Sorry."

Kakashi smiled. Of course it was a habit borne from teaching and protecting pre-genin students. How very like Iruka. Still, he liked being able to see the attractive apricot of Iruka's blush. "Don't be sorry," he said. "You're a very conscientious teacher. Far be it from me to ask you to change a habit you've developed for the benefit of your students."

Iruka ducked his head, smiling. "Thank you."

"So... you still like teaching?" Kakashi asked idly.

"Oh, I love it," Iruka said vehemently. "Becoming a teacher is the best thing I could have ever asked for."

Kakashi smiled. "I'm glad to hear that you found your calling."

Indeed, the enthusiastic light burned brightly in Iruka's eyes. It was obvious that he was born to teach.

"It's in large part thanks to you, you know," Iruka remarked.

"Why? Because I made a formation error as your captain?" Kakashi asked, his voice self-deprecatingly dry.

"Kind of, actually," Iruka said, without a hint of embarrassment or malice. "It shouldn't have been a formation error, and it wouldn't have been, with almost any other shinobi. That wasn't you – that was me. It made me realize that I wasn't doing what I was most suited to doing. I never would have thought about teaching if it hadn't been for that mission."

"Huh."

Iruka smiled ruefully. "And if you hadn't been such a competent captain, I probably would have gotten myself killed, and then I never would have become a teacher."

"Admittedly, it was closer than I would have liked," Kakashi agreed reluctantly. "I'm glad it worked out, in the end."

"No thanks to me," Iruka said, chuckling. "I still wake up in the middle of the night, kicking myself over it, sometimes. But I can't help but be glad it happened, since it led me to teaching."

Kakashi smiled despite himself. "I didn't realize you still thought about it at all."

"Less, as the years go on. Like I said, if we were defined by our embarrassing mistakes, I would be a complete disaster." Iruka winced into a smile, ruefully amused at himself.

"It's funny to see you blush, though," Kakashi blurted. He _really_ needed to stop saying the first thing that popped into his head around Iruka.

His comment was rewarded with a blush, but Iruka rolled his eyes. "Oh, yeah, I'm a regular comedian."

Kakashi barked out a brief, quiet laugh. "Forgive me. I didn't mean to say I'm laughing at you. 'Funny' wasn't really the right word. You are funny, though."

Iruka scratched his scar, blushing and ducking his head with an embarrassed smile. "If 'funny' wasn't the right word, what did you mean?"

_Attractive. Endearing. Enchanting. Mesmerizing. Sexy._ "Mm... charming." 

Iruka chuckled. "You think it's _charming_ to see me blush?"

Kakashi told his nerves to shut up and calm down. "Something like that."

"Is that why you always turn in those ridiculous mission reports?" Iruka teased.

"I'm also just very lazy," Kakashi said nonchalantly.

"If you were doing it because you were lazy, you'd do them right the first time so you wouldn't have to redo them after you listen to me yell at you," Iruka said with a mischievous smile.

Caught.

"Maybe I'm unmotivated."

"Are you saying that seeing me blush motivates you?" Iruka said with a smirk, as a blush bloomed across the bridge of his nose and spread over his cheekbones.

"Maybe I'm a masochist," Kakashi suggested quickly.

"That... would not really surprise me," Iruka admitted after thinking about it for a moment. "Are you?"

"Not particularly," Kakashi admitted. "I experience enough pain on the battlefield."

"I imagine some people are masochists _because_ they experience pain on the battlefield," Iruka mused. "To try to build some kind of positive relationship with pain, or what have you."

"I suppose that could be the case," Kakashi agreed. "It's still not for me, though."

He led Iruka into the restaurant, a cozy place with booths divided by bamboo screens.

Once they had settled in and ordered, and their bamboo screen lowered by the waiter, Kakashi asked, "So, are you a sadist? Or a masochist?"

Iruka blinked, then chuckled. "You mean because I yell at people for crappy mission reports all the time?"

"And because the one student who everyone thought would give you an aneurysm ended up becoming your honorary family, yeah," Kakashi said, grinning.

Iruka chuckled. "Wow, when you put it like that.... No, I don't get my kicks from dishing out pain, or from receiving it." He sobered. "I told you before, I just have a short fuse. It's not something I like about myself."

"It's effective, though," Kakashi observed.

"With everyone but you," Iruka agreed, eyes twinkling with laughter.

"I _am_ a little strange in the head," Kakashi said with a smirk. "And Gai would be the first person to tell you that I don't listen very well."

"You're not just a _little_ strange in the head," Iruka teased. "Your genius must have knocked a few screws loose."

"Seems likely," Kakashi agreed, amused. "All that deep thinking about _Icha Icha_. You know how it goes."

"I really don't," Iruka said, chuckling. "I don't get many chances to read fiction."

"You could do what I do and just read it whenever. It would be funny to see you reading _Icha Icha_ while you're working at the Mission Assignment Desk," Kakashi said, snickering.

Iruka shook his head, but his eyes danced. "Unlike you, I only have one brain, so I have to focus on the task in front of me. I'm a godawful multitasker."

"Really?" Kakashi asked, surprised. "I would've thought you'd need to multitask to teach and keep control of your students."

"I make sure my students are well-behaved so I don't have to wrangle them," Iruka grinned. "I've been told I can be quite scary."

"I can verify that," Kakashi agreed.

"Pff," Iruka said around a chuckle, "I can't be that scary to you."

"Because I'm taller than you?" Kakashi deadpanned. "You did steal my book yesterday. That was pretty scary."

Iruka laughed outright at this. "You're a much better shinobi than I am, Kakashi-san. You could wipe the floor with me."

"And you'd make me feel horrible for doing it," Kakashi retorted. "Which one of us would really have won? Being a good shinobi isn't just about who can hit the hardest and the fastest. You are indeed scary when you want to be."

Iruka smiled, but he looked thoughtful. "Interesting."

"Oh, god, I shouldn't have told you that," Kakashi said, letting his eye widen comically.

He was rewarded with Iruka's golden laughter once more.

Iruka's laugh drew him in every time, warming him. _Danger!_ his brain screamed at him in response. He could feel himself as he fell further and further, each smile and laugh bequeathed him only making him need more. He half wanted to scramble away, putting distance between himself and this dangerously warm person seated across the table from him, because his chest tightened painfully to remember the losses of his youth. But part of him yearned for the connection, attracted to Iruka like a cat to an afternoon sunbeam.

"Don't worry. I won't abuse my powers," Iruka quipped around his chuckling, now low and satiny smooth like crushed velvet.

"I think you already do," Kakashi countered dryly. "You stole my book."

"Held it," Iruka corrected.

"Stole it. Nobody steals my book."

"I'm flattered that you let me, then," Iruka said with a smile.

Kakashi hadn't thought of it that way, but he supposed the truth of the matter was that he could have stopped Iruka from taking the book. Maybe, if he hadn't been so focused on his own nerves, anyway. But he wasn't about to admit that his mind had been fixed on avoidance, not to Iruka.

Conveniently, it was at this moment that their server returned with their meal sets, borne on trays. They waited as the food was placed out on the table and the server lowered the screen once more.

"It was pretty funny to see someone like you holding _Icha Icha_ , though," Kakashi said after they'd begun eating.

"A schoolteacher?"

"And a stuffy one, at that."

"Stuffy?" Iruka asked, sounding offended. "I'll have you know– okay, yeah, I'm kind of stuffy," he said with a rueful grin.

Kakashi chuckled. "You were born about fifty years old."

"Nah, I was an obnoxious kid. Where do you think Naruto learned all his pranks?" Iruka asked, smirking mischievously.

"I don't believe you," Kakashi told him, startled.

Iruka grinned. "I assure you, Naruto's got nothing on me. And I didn't get caught _nearly_ as often as he did. Remember the T&I glitter bomb incident?"

"That was _you_?" Kakashi gaped.

"If Ibiki asks, definitely not," Iruka said, a little too gleefully.

"How did you get in?" Kakashi demanded. "Wait. Were you the one who switched all the right arm guards of the Anbu stores uniforms to being one size too small?"

"Who's to say?" Iruka shrugged, clearly holding back laughter. "How did you know about that?"

Kakashi snorted. "Don't play dumb."

Iruka gave him a look of wide-eyed innocence. "But there's no way I could possibly know or assume that the best shinobi of our generation was a member of Anbu."

"Oh, shut up," Kakashi said, blushing beneath his mask. "Seriously, though, how did you get into T&I and Anbu storage?"

Iruka smiled angelically. It was almost impossible to believe that someone with that smile could be such a prankster. "Who says I did?"

Kakashi rolled his eye. "Fine, fine."

"Don't tell, though. I have the image of being a stuffy teacher to maintain," Iruka said mock-seriously.

"Your secret is safe with me," Kakashi deadpanned back.

Iruka smiled sunnily, and Kakashi couldn't help but smile back.

He was making a terrible mistake.

But how could he go back to living in the dark, now that he'd experienced the warmth of the sun?


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter. Tomorrow's will make up for it!

The next few months saw Kakashi yanked between his fear of close relationships and his desire to know Iruka better. One byproduct of their more regular interaction was that each was aware of the other's cycle; knowledge shared of necessity, so they could avoid one another at their more vulnerable – and desperate – times. Kakashi wasn't sure whether sharing such personal information made him feel better, or worse.

He began taking scent suppressants to help his sudden, inexplicable inability to control his own scent as impeccably as he had been able to up to this point in his life. He discovered he was grateful for them, though, because they meant he had that much more chakra and focus to use on missions. He should have started using them years ago.

Kakashi's next heat was longer and more intense than usual, reducing him to whimpering tears in his apartment, unable and unwilling to accept help from anyone and everyone, even Yamato and Gai. Disturbingly, the only thing he could think about was how much he wanted Iruka, to the degree that he was wracked with physical pain and a visceral emptiness that none of his tools could even begin to alleviate. Even when he'd been obsessing a little over the teacher all those years ago, he'd never had an experience like this. Of course, he hadn't known Iruka was an alpha then, either.

Between their cycles, he and Iruka spent more and more time together. Kakashi became a semi-permanent fixture across Iruka's old couch, bright book in his hand while Iruka graded or made lesson plans. Occasionally, he would cook them both dinner as Iruka graded, and Iruka would take a break from his red pen to eat with Kakashi before they returned to the living room.

But Kakashi's favourite part was when Iruka would stretch after being hunched over the coffee table, Iruka's soft ponytail falling over his fingers before Iruka would lean his head back against Kakashi's shoulder. They were moments Kakashi wished could last forever, and they were always over too soon. Those moments of brief closeness were what Kakashi craved, to the point that his craving overcame his fear. Each time he left, he swore to himself it was the last time, yet inevitably, only a day or two later, he'd find himself inviting Iruka out or just spending the evening on Iruka's couch once more.

Kakashi would never forget the first day Iruka had invited him in without a flak jacket on.

It made sense; there was little reason to wear a flak jacket when Iruka was just at home, alone, grading. Kakashi rarely spent enough time in his own apartment to justify wearing a uniform sans jacket, but Iruka's apartment, being more comfortable and seeing more use, invited its occupants to dress more comfortably. It had jolted him, to see Iruka in just the soft uniform shirt that clung to his athletic frame, and Kakashi berated himself internally every time he found his gaze wandering away from Iruka's face. It happened rather more than Kakashi was comfortable with.

Some three or four weeks later, Iruka finally convinced Kakashi that it would be okay to take off his own flak jacket and hang it over the back of a chair at the dining room table.

Somewhere along the line, they also shed the honorifics on one another's names, at least when their jackets came off.

During his next heat, Kakashi discovered that a little of Iruka's scent had clung to his uniform shirt, particularly where it had been in contact with Iruka's couch.

Heavy with shame, he clung to the shirt, burying his nose in it, breathing in whatever he could of Iruka through the desperately starving waves of heat and the sobs of excruciatingly uncontrollable desire. He wasn't sure if this heat was easier or more difficult to get through than his previous one.

He didn't sleep well, even after his cycle ended. All he dreamed of was a sunny smile and soft, brown eyes.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dearest reader,  
> Although you and I don't know each other, I wanted to tell you just how much your comment(s), kudos, and bookmark(s) on my work mean to me. I haven't been this excited to get up each morning and log onto my computer in a very long time.  
> Truth be told, I had stopped sharing my writing for a very long time - and gradually, over the years, I stopped writing altogether. I decided to participate in NaNoWriMo last November to encourage two people who had never participated to take part. It was one of the first major pieces of writing I'd done in almost a decade.  
> Your support has encouraged and continues to encourage me to continue writing again. Without you, I wouldn't have been surprised if, after a couple of months, I'd stopped writing again.  
> Thank you so much.  
> ~K

"Oh. Kakashi-san," Iruka said, opening his door.

"Oh," Kakashi said, surprised. He'd been standing outside for a while, uncertain about whether he should knock. It was the first time since that first day they'd gotten dinner that Iruka had displayed some kind of awareness of Kakashi's presence that alarmed Kakashi. "Hi."

"Come on in," Iruka said, stepping back into his apartment.

Kakashi did, kicking off his sandals and straightening them automatically, as Iruka asked, "What's up? Is everything okay?"

Kakashi hesitated. It was past nine in the evening, later than he normally visited Iruka. He wasn't completely sure why he'd come, other than the simple fact that he was departing on a mission in the morning and wanted to see Iruka before he left. It would be the longest mission he'd been on since his trek up to Mikasayama. Just the thought of it exhausted him and made long lines of tension twist into his muscles.

Iruka was already heating water on the stove as he looked up, mild concern lining his features.

"I'm going on a mission," Kakashi said lamely. "About six or seven weeks."

Iruka's concern morphed into comprehension and full-blown worry. Kakashi wanted to imagine he could see disappointment in the kind features. Then the worry was smoothed over with that mild concern once more.

To his credit, Iruka didn't express surprise that Kakashi had come by to let him know about the mission, nor did he seem put out by Kakashi's late visit.

"Make yourself at home," Iruka said. "I'll bring out some tea."

Kakashi nodded, shedding his flak jacket and padding out to drape himself over the couch. Something about the action had become comforting and comfortable over the past months, and he immediately began to feel a little more at ease. He pulled out his book and pretended to read as Iruka puttered around in the kitchen making tea.

After a few minutes, Iruka emerged with the teapot and two mugs. Kakashi set his book on the table as Iruka sat on the edge of the couch, so close that Kakashi could feel the warmth of his body radiating off him. Iruka made to pass an empty mug to Kakashi.

Without realizing he was about to do so, Kakashi took the mug in one hand and Iruka's hand in the other, drawing Iruka's hand close. Iruka started, but he didn't resist as Kakashi nosed at Iruka's wrist, breathing deeply, filling his lungs with the scent of Iruka, letting the comforting scent embrace him. For the first time in what felt like weeks, he felt the tension begin to drain from his body.

Kakashi froze, abruptly becoming aware of what he'd been doing. He hadn't realized that he was tired enough to let down his defenses like this, or he wouldn't have come by to talk to Iruka. With trepidation, he looked up at his friend.

Iruka's expression was surprisingly gentle. "Kakashi..." he said quietly.

"I'm so sorry," Kakashi said quickly, jerking his hand back as though Iruka's hand burned him. Or perhaps it was the disappearance of that honorific that had burned him. "I wasn't– I didn't mean– I'm sorry." He would have fled, but it would have been difficult to get up from the couch so quickly. But what really held him down and kept him there was Iruka's piercing gaze.

Iruka slowly drew his hand back, but his eyes never left Kakashi's face. Then, still moving slowly, eyes fixed on Kakashi's, he gently took the mug from Kakashi's hand and set it on the table before bringing Kakashi's wrist to his own nose. Kakashi could feel his own heart hammering in his chest, and he could feel Iruka's pulse in his fingertips, racing equally fast against his skin, as Iruka nosed at his wrist where gloves gave way to bare skin. Kakashi was frozen, unable to do anything, helplessly pinned by soft, brown eyes.

It was more of a symbolic gesture, Kakashi knew, since he was taking the scent suppression medication, but one that made him dizzy and anxious all the same. Without thinking about it, he pushed his chakra into his scent glands, coaxing them to overcome the medication, even if just a little.

Iruka's eyes widened slightly then fluttered closed as he inhaled deeply.

Just as slowly as he had taken Kakashi's wrist, he opened his eyes and gently lowered Kakashi's arm, releasing him.

They didn't say anything for a long time.

Then Kakashi pushed himself upright and hesitantly slid his arms around Iruka's waist, bending his head so he could nose at the curve of Iruka's neck. Iruka was trembling, very slightly, but he twisted to better be able to slide his own arms around Kakashi's waist, slowly burying his own nose against Kakashi's shoulder.

"This is such a terrible idea," Iruka mumbled.

Kakashi tensed slightly, but Iruka made no move to pull away. "Why?"

"Kakashi...."

Kakashi waited, not knowing what to say.

"You know I don't do casual... things," Iruka finally said hollowly.

"Does this have to be casual?" Kakashi asked, voice unexpectedly hoarse.

The silence stretched between them as they breathed of one another.

Iruka's amber-petrichor musk permeated the air, rubbing Kakashi's skin like a friendly cat, permeating his skin like a well-executed seal. Anxiety, maybe even fear, colored the scent, making it prickly and edged with knife-sharp shards of broken obsidian, while desire and fondness heated it into burnished gold and silk velvet.

Kakashi wondered what his own scent smelled like to Iruka. Anxiety, desire, and attraction would be in there, tempered by determination and comfortableness, perhaps.

"I like you," Kakashi said, his voice cracking. "A lot."

"I know," Iruka said softly. Kakashi could hear his smile. "I can smell it."

Kakashi huffed a low laugh. "Right." He desperately wanted to ask what Iruka felt, even though he could smell the fondness and the desire curling around him. Some part of him needed to hear it said aloud. Another part of him was far too terrified of the answer to ask.

"Are you on scent suppressants?" Iruka murmured against Kakashi's collarbone.

"Yes," Kakashi said.

"How long?"

"A few months, now," Kakashi said. "Since shortly after you ambushed me at the greengrocer's." He smiled despite himself.

"Why?"

"You can smell why," Kakashi said, dryly amused.

"But you never needed them before."

"That's true." It was Iruka who had broken his perfect self-control, Kakashi didn't add.

They shared a silence.

"They don't make you sick?" Iruka asked after a moment.

"Heat suppressants do. Scent suppressants are quite a bit more tolerable for me. They make me itch a little, but nothing I can't handle."

Iruka went silent for a while, and Kakashi closed his eye, trying to impress Iruka's scent into his mind for eternity.

"Your mission," Iruka said slowly. "Is it dangerous?"

"It shouldn't be. Just an escort mission for a diplomatic meeting between two noble families regarding an arranged marriage. It's just... a little long."

"I see."

Iruka went silent again.

"You smell nice," Iruka said, so softly Kakashi wasn't sure he'd actually spoken.

Iruka inhaled deeply, and Kakashi pushed his chakra to overcome the medication again. It was difficult; his body hadn't been synthesizing his scent, and it was an effort to produce any through the drugged suppression.

Iruka buried his nose against Kakashi's shoulder and sighed, then breathed in deeply again. Like Kakashi was doing, it seemed he was trying to fill his nose with scent.

"I've been taking the suppressants because I didn't want to make you uncomfortable with my feelings if I lost control of my scent," Kakashi breathed. "I guess... I can stop, now. Unless you'd rather I stayed on them."

"That was considerate of you," Iruka said, and Kakashi could hear a smile in his voice. "But you don't have to worry about making me uncomfortable."

Kakashi wasn't sure what to say to that. He couldn't tell if Iruka didn't care whether he stayed on the medication, or if Iruka was trying to say that he wouldn't be uncomfortable because he actively wanted to be able to smell Kakashi's scent.

"Let's... talk more about all this when you get back," Iruka said quietly, his lips brushing the fabric of Kakashi's mask-modified shirt where it clung to his collarbone.

Kakashi bit down on disappointment, burying it below layers of chakra so it wouldn't be broadcast in his scent.

"Okay," he agreed. But neither of them moved, even though their positions weren't terribly comfortable, and Iruka was probably more uncomfortable than Kakashi was, twisted as his torso was. "I'll be in pre-heat when I get back, though."

"Wait until afterwards, then?" Iruka suggested. It had been phrased as a question, but it was unmistakably a statement.

"Yeah, okay," Kakashi said, trying not to sound mournful. That meant he wouldn't see Iruka for a little over two months. But he understood how important it was to Iruka that they met as two consenting adults, even though Kakashi already knew what he wanted.

Iruka drew back, extricating himself from the embrace. Kakashi suddenly felt strangely cold.

Iruka stood and went around the coffee table to his bedroom, a room Kakashi had never entered, leaving the door open behind him. Kakashi could see the edge of what looked like a chest of drawers, but nothing else.

After a moment, Iruka re-emerged, carrying something.

He sat back down on the edge of the couch where he'd been before, gently taking one of Kakashi's gloved hands in his own, and pressed something into Kakashi's palm.

Kakashi looked at the trinket. It resembled an omamori protection amulet, but it hummed with the barest whisper of chakra. Embroidered into one side were the characters saying, "Good health," and when Kakashi flipped it over, he saw the finest embroidery he'd ever seen in the shape of a five-point seal.

"What is this?" he asked.

"Seals," Iruka said, looking pleased. "This one will help stem bleeding," he said, pointing to the embroidered seal, "and the one inside can isolate and granulate poison so it isn't circulating through your system. You'd still need a medical nin to remove toxins, but it should prevent any poison from spreading too badly. Just press it to the injury, and it should activate. Or to your tongue, if the poison was consumed."

"Oh, wow," Kakashi said softly. "Did you invent these?"

"Yeah," Iruka said, blushing a little. "I haven't tried the blood loss one on an arterial bleed, but hypothetically, it should help. I only tested the poison one on some substances designed to be temporarily unpleasant, but it should work on lethal toxins, too. They're stopgaps, not anything to depend on, but...."

"Does Tsunade-sama know you do this?" Kakashi asked.

Iruka smiled. "She helped me with the medical elements integrated into them. I just finished developing them recently. They're not as good as a medic by any stretch of the imagination, and they're pretty intensive to make, so I'm not sure how feasible it'll be to try to produce enough for field use, but...."

Kakashi shook his head. "I couldn't accept this."

"I don't need it," Iruka said, smiling. "I have a hospital right here, remember? And I know how to make more. Take it. Come home safely."

Kakashi swallowed. "I will," he promised, setting it on top of his book. "Thank you, Iruka."

Iruka bit his lower lip in an unconscious, endearing gesture, then he reached forward and began smoothing Kakashi's already-smooth shirt over his collarbone and shoulder. It was the sort of gesture a mother might make for their child, and there was a fragility, or perhaps a vulnerability, to the sensation of Iruka's fingertips running along the curve from the base of his throat to his shoulder. Iruka's eyes followed his own fingertips.

"I'm not a very good alpha," Iruka said quietly.

"I'm not a very good omega," Kakashi replied, smiling wryly.

A faint smile played across Iruka's features briefly before vanishing. "There's... so much I want to say. So much I want to talk about. But you need to get some rest. When are you leaving, tomorrow?"

"Dawn," Kakashi said ruefully. "But I don't want to go yet," he admitted.

Iruka snickered. "There you go again with those social graces."

Kakashi winced, but Iruka just seemed amused. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to impose," Kakashi said.

"You're never imposing. You can stay as long as you'd like," Iruka said, snaking his arms around Kakashi's waist and leaning down into Kakashi's shoulder again. Kakashi couldn't resist returning the gesture, nuzzling Iruka's warm skin where his neck curved into the slope of his shoulder.

"If I didn't know better, I'd think you liked me," Kakashi said, grinning.

"Not until your mission reports start looking better," Iruka retorted, but his arms tightened a fraction around Kakashi's waist.

"Yes, sensei," Kakashi teased.

Iruka made an unimpressed noise, making Kakashi chuckle.

Iruka went silent, his breath shallowing like he wanted to say something but was afraid to say it. Kakashi waited.

"You know that I'm your friend no matter what, right?" Iruka said quietly, after a moment.

"I don't expect anything, Iruka," Kakashi replied slowly, trying to choose the right words. "You owe me nothing. I know you have your reasons for not wanting to... be involved with anybody, and I'm not about to start making assumptions about what you want from me. You can tell me no. I won't hold it against you, I swear. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have even...." He sighed.

"Oh, hush. It's not like I stopped you," Iruka pointed out, sounding conflicted and weighted down. "In fact, I distinctly remember being at least a little bit responsible." He chuckled, voice low.

"Hn."

"I just mean that, if you get back and decide this was a mistake, I'm still your friend," Iruka said quietly. "Or whatever happens, even if it's not that. You're not obligated to do anything for me. No matter what, I want to be your friend."

"And you accuse me of having a screw loose," Kakashi joked.

"Oh, I think it's pretty widely accepted that I'm a little off," Iruka retorted. "How many other chūnin do you know that'll bite the heads off jōnin for subpar mission reports?"

"What I'm hearing is that your ability to feel fear is broken. Suddenly, a lot of things make sense."

"No, my stupid just overrides my fear," Iruka said with a chuckle.

"I wouldn't call you stupid. Suicidally insane, maybe, but not stupid," Kakashi said, pretending to be contemplative.

"Yeah, okay," Iruka agreed peaceably.

Kakashi snorted. "You're ridiculous."

"Mmhm, I know."

"Just checking."

Iruka shifted, pulling one leg further up onto the couch to be less twisted. His leg pressed against Kakashi's, sending fresh sparks of nervous energy flickering up and down Kakashi's body. Iruka's nuzzling a little closer into the curve of Kakashi's neck did nothing to help ease the sparks.

"Thank you for coming to let me know that you were going to be leaving on a mission," Iruka said softly, his breath warm over the fabric of Kakashi's masked throat.

"Mm. You know, I've been spoiled by spending so much time here," Kakashi said with a smile. "I've spent more time on your couch than any other couch in my life."

"Really?" Iruka asked, curious.

"Mmhm. I've never owned a couch. I can see the appeal, now, though."

"They're great for napping on," Iruka said. "I haven't taken a nap in a while, but I used to really enjoy napping in the afternoon during the summer when it was sunny and warm. There's just something soothing about it."

"That sounds nice," Kakashi said.

"You can take a nap on my couch next time you come over," Iruka said, a smile in his voice.

"I'll hold you to that," Kakashi said. He sighed. "I guess I'd better get out of your way. I didn't mean to interrupt your grading."

"It can wait," Iruka said. "I have too much to do, still, to be able to hand the assignments back tomorrow, anyway. If you'd like to stay a little longer, I mean."

"I'd like that," Kakashi said. "I don't mind if you want to do some grading."

"Mm," Iruka acknowledged, but he didn't move.

Kakashi felt anxiety and stress and worry drain from his limbs and his spine, leaving him melted against Iruka, breathing in Iruka's entrancing scent. It made him deeply pleased to think that his shirt was being imbued with Iruka's warmth. A small part of him was already ashamed to be thinking about sealing the shirt into a bag so that when he got home and went through his next heat, he would be able to nose at it and smell Iruka on the fabric.

Iruka extricated himself from Kakashi's arms once more, leaving Kakashi's arms and torso disappointingly cool. But then Iruka gently pressed Kakashi's shoulders back, guiding him to lie back down.

Nonplussed by Iruka's behavior, Kakashi did as Iruka nonverbally requested. Iruka startled him by turning around and carefully climbing onto the couch to lie down flush against him, tucking himself between Kakashi's arm and torso to rest his head on Kakashi's shoulder, his hand curled beneath his own chin, arm resting on Kakashi's chest. They wriggled as Kakashi tried to give Iruka more space so he wouldn't fall off the cushions and Iruka found a comfortable, secure position. Then they went still, save for the rise and fall of their chests.

Kakashi hadn't cuddled with anyone since he was a small child. The people he slept with had served the simple functional purpose of helping him get through heat, and cuddling was unnecessary, but more importantly, Kakashi had always found it off-putting. Having someone that close to him being so still made him nervous.

And having his arm encircling Iruka, his hand resting tentatively on Iruka's waist, seemed sort of... backwards. Like he was in the protective alpha position, while Iruka lay curled against him in a way that Kakashi would have described as befitting an omega.

And yet... it felt nice to lie here, still and vulnerable, holding Iruka.

With only a small turn of his head, Kakashi could brush his nose against Iruka's hair. He smelled ginger and citrus and almost laughed. He wondered if Iruka had chosen to use shampoo scented similarly to an omega's smell on purpose, or if it had been a subconscious choice. Even with the faint fragrance of spice and citrus, though, Iruka's own alpha scent, warm and earthy and musky, remained unmistakable.

He woke up suddenly, startled and disoriented. If it hadn't been for Iruka's scent filling his nose, he would have panicked and reacted violently. As it was, it took him a moment to remember where he was and why Iruka lay nestled against him.

"Are you awake?" Iruka murmured softly.

"I fell asleep," Kakashi said, shocked.

"Not for very long," Iruka assured him. "But you seemed so comfortable that I didn't want to wake you."

"Oh."

"Should I have woken you up?" Iruka asked, sounding a little concerned.

"No, I– I'm just surprised," Kakashi said slowly. "And I don't mean to impose." He smiled, holding back a chuckle. "You were right about this couch being a comfortable place to nap."

"I already told you, you're never imposing," Iruka said serenely. "I would've woken you up if it had been a problem."

Kakashi twisted, turning onto his side so he could bring his other arm over Iruka's waist. Iruka snaked his free arm over Kakashi's, tucking his head beneath Kakashi's chin.

"Kakashi," Iruka said softly, hesitantly.

"Mm?"

Iruka stayed quiet for long enough that Kakashi began to wonder if Iruka had even actually said his name.

"When you get back," Iruka said slowly, "next time we see each other... I'd like to know what you want. From this. From us."

Kakashi nuzzled his masked nose into Iruka's hair.

"I could tell you now," he said.

Iruka shook his head. "No. Come back and tell me. Stay safe. Okay?"

Kakashi hesitated. Now that he knew he was going to confess everything to Iruka, he could feel the words building up in him like water behind a dam. The pressure threatened to spill over his lips. But Iruka wanted him to wait, so he would wait. He would come home and tell Iruka then.

"Okay," he agreed.

Still, for all that his mouth followed his orders, his arms tightened around Iruka, conveying wordlessly the poetry and song that could never be enough to express what he felt.

"I'd better go, or I'll never leave," Kakashi said, gravel in his throat.

"Okay," Iruka said regretfully. "Come back safely."

Kakashi nodded, and then Iruka had slid from his arms, leaving them cold and empty. He would come home to hold Iruka again if it was the last thing he did, he swore to himself.


	12. Chapter 12

Any mission that went precisely as promised put Kakashi's nerves on end. There were no attempted kidnappings, no arguments, no plotting, not even a bandit attack in the mountain pass that really, by all rights, _should_ have had bandits hiding away. Hell, even the bride-to-be and groom-to-be had fallen head over heels for one another after a single meeting. Naturally, Kakashi suspected foul play.

But Genma and Raidō had been hired to attend to the bride's family, and when Kakashi and Yamato, both attending to the groom's family, met with Genma and Raidō, they all agreed that the two families were just disturbingly amicable. None of them liked it, but there wasn't a single sign of something amiss, aside from the fact that there was nothing amiss.

Some four weeks later, they attended the wedding, and again, each step was as smooth as butter.

By the end of the mission, all four of the Konoha shinobi were on high alert, hardly sleeping. The families were accompanied back to their respective homes, the bride and groom were settled in their new home attached to the groom's family's palace, and all was well.

And then the other shoe dropped.

_Umino missing, possibly kidnapped. Return immediately for mission parameters._


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No answers, only more questions.

The journey that should have taken him six days took him two and a half, with Yamato, Genma, and Raidō trailing a day and a half behind. Kakashi didn't care that he'd left them, didn't care that he pushed himself to such exhaustion that he wouldn't have been able to defend himself if ambushed, didn't care that he'd forgotten to eat or sleep for several days, save military rations pills that he choked down dry without so much as slowing down.

He dropped in through Tsunade-sama's window, stumbling from exhaustion, and knelt before her.

"When's the last time you ate or slept, brat?" she demanded, as soon as the Anbu on guard had withdrawn.

"Recently enough," he snapped. "When did Iruka-sensei disappear? What information do we have?"

Tsunade-sama sighed and motioned to Shizune, who vanished out into the rest of the building.

"He's been missing for seventeen days," Tsunade-sama said quietly. "This is a retrieval mission."

Kakashi's head snapped up, and he glared. "He's not dead."

Pain colored Tsunade-sama's face. "Brat, I care about Iruka-sensei just as much as you do. But it's been too long."

" _He's not dead_ ," Kakashi growled again. "If you won't tell me what you know, I'll find it out myself."

"Shut up and stand down, Hatake," Tsunade-sama said, sounding tired. "You'll eat something, and you'll sleep. And I'll tie you down myself, if I have to. You're no use to anyone in your state, and twelve hours isn't going to make a difference to him at this point. Then I'll tell you everything we know."

Kakashi stood, his hands balled into fists.

"Respectfully, Hokage-sama, I am ready to go now."

Tsunade-sama apparently couldn't resist rolling her eyes.

Kakashi was face-down on the floor, trussed up and slapped with a chakra-binding seal, before he'd even noticed the Anbu moving. He struggled against the bonds, the chakra wire biting into his wrists through his gloves.

"Let me _go_ ," he snarled at the Anbu sitting with one knee in the small of Kakashi's back.

"No," Tsunade-sama said firmly. "The fact that Boar could get the drop on you should make it painfully obvious, even to you, that you're exhausted. You're going to eat, and you're going to sleep. Those are orders, soldier, or do you want to be slapped with charges of insubordination and thrown in prison?"

Kakashi sagged to the floor.

"No, Hokage-sama," he said, ashamed. "I understand."

"Good," Tsunade-sama said, satisfied. "Can we let you up, or are you going to do something stupid?"

"You can let me up," Kakashi said dully. "I apologize."

She must have made a motion to Boar, because the wire and the seal were removed, and Boar offered Kakashi a hand up.

Kakashi climbed to his feet, aware now of the shakiness in his legs and fingers.

"Permission to go in five hours," he said stiffly.

Tsunade-sama eyed him critically.

"Eight," she said. "Eat. Sleep here so I can keep an eye on you."

Shizune appeared at Kakashi's elbow holding a bento box from the restaurant down the block, and he took it listlessly. He devoured the whole thing between one breath and the next, his face never quite revealed from behind his mask, and passed the box back to Shizune.

He hesitated, but Tsunade-sama glared, so he found the couch in the adjacent room and fell into it.

It was totally different from Iruka's couch. Here, the sour smell of saké and the heavier, woody scent of an incorrigible alpha clung to the fabric, and the pillows were worn in for a body almost 20 centimeters shorter than himself. It was clearly a spot for Tsunade-sama to nap when she had to stay overnight in the tower.

He didn't expect to be able to sleep, a frisson of anxiety running freely along his nerves. He only realized he'd fallen asleep when he found himself holding a kunai to a throat below a white porcelain mask.

"Kakashi-san, Tsunade-hime has instructed me to wake you for your mission assignment," the Anbu in the money mask said politely.

Kakashi blinked and let the words sink into his brain. He flipped the kunai back into his palm and slid it into his weapons pouch, standing in a single fluid movement as the Anbu stepped back.

"Thank you for waking me," Kakashi said.

"Certainly."

Kakashi let himself into the next room, aware that even the seven or eight hours of sleep he'd just been given hadn't been enough to bring him back to top form.

Tsunade-sama looked him over.

"Ordinarily, brat, I'd tell you to take three days off, but...."

Kakashi stood, unwilling to say anything.

After a moment, Tsunade-sama sighed and held out a scroll. Kakashi took it, waiting for her debriefing.

"Iruka-sensei didn't show up at the Academy seventeen days ago. Because this is unusual for him, someone from the school went to his apartment at the end of the day to check on him. His door was locked and his wards were in place, but no one answered, and preliminary investigations through the windows suggested no one was in. It took Ibiki's team two days to crack the wards without destroying anything, although Ebisu's hair is still bright pink." She allowed herself a small, tight smile. "There were no obvious signs of a struggle in his apartment, but...."

"But?"

"He was working on a project. It wasn't secret, precisely, but it's extremely valuable. His work is gone."

Kakashi blinked. "What was he working on?"

"Seals."

Kakashi slowly pulled the protection charm from his pocket and placed it on Tsunade-sama's desk. "Like this one."

Tsunade-sama picked it up and looked it over.

"How did you get this?" she asked, her voice deceptively mild.

"He gave it to me before I left for my mission," Kakashi said flatly. "He said it could help slow bleeding, and it could granulate toxins to prevent them from spreading through my body. He said he knew how to make more and that he didn't need it because there's a hospital right here."

Tsunade-sama nodded and handed it to Shizune. Kakashi couldn't stop his fingers from flexing automatically. He wanted it back.

"Don't worry," Tsunade-sama said, misunderstanding his twitch, "I'm not going to accuse you of stealing this or of kidnapping him. For one thing, I know you were gone when he went missing, and besides, he showed me some modifications and improvements that he'd made since you left. I wouldn't be able to replicate them, but I can tell they're not on this one."

Kakashi let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. Shizune was carefully copying the seal onto a sheet of paper.

"But yes, this was the work he'd been doing. And all of his notes are gone. I'm glad he gave you this; this is all we have remaining of the work he'd been doing."

"The second seal is inside," Kakashi mumbled, not wanting Shizune to open the amulet but knowing that it was too important for her not to.

"Thank you," she said without looking up.

"Investigation within Konoha hasn't revealed any unusual behaviors the day prior to Iruka-sensei's disappearance," Tsunade-sama continued. "It's as if he went home, locked up, and vanished in a puff of smoke."

She threaded her fingers together, brows furrowed in a frown. "For now, we're treating this as a kidnapping. But there is the chance that he deserted. He's not yet classified as missing-nin, but if you're unable to find him...."

_"I have a seal built in that allows me to get in quickly, but it takes a lot of my energy to activate, since it essentially breaks down the wards and rebuilds them from scratch."_ The words came unbidden from Kakashi's memories. A seal that would rebuild the wards and tire Iruka at the same time could be both an excellent failsafe if he needed somewhere to flee, or it could cover the tracks of someone who wanted to hide that he'd gone missing. Iruka hadn't said how the seal was activated. 

"He would never desert Konoha," Kakashi said confidently. Iruka had promised to be here when Kakashi returned. And he would never abandon Naruto that way, Kakashi would bet his life on it.

Tsunade-sama sighed but nodded.

Kakashi counted back in his mind.

"Seventeen days ago was a Monday," he said. "Had anyone seen him that weekend?"

Tsunade-sama hesitated. "Nothing certain. There were reports that he was seen grocery shopping Sunday morning, and we find it unlikely that it's a mistake, since he's quite well known."

Kakashi nodded.

"What else do you know?" he asked.

"Before she had to be sent on a different mission, Tsume Inuzuka's ninken indicated that his scent left Konoha's wall through the west gate around that time. However, the scent was, apparently, at least a day or two old, which suggests that he left prior to his disappearance and returned. Kakashi...."

"He would never abandon Konoha," Kakashi repeated firmly.

"I know that and you know that, but the Council isn't so sure," Tsunade-sama said softly. "You have to find him."

"I will," Kakashi swore. "Is there anything else I should know?"

"We're keeping this as quiet as possible, which means, unfortunately, this will have to be a solo mission. If the Council knew the details about his disappearance, they would have insisted on classifying him as a missing-nin long before this."

"I understand."

"Thank you for allowing me to copy these, Kakashi-san," Shizune said, giving Kakashi the amulet. She had tucked the second seal back inside and tied it closed. He slipped it back into his inner jacket pocket.

Tsunade-sama nodded once, glaring fiercely. "Any other details will be in your mission scroll. You have two weeks."

Kakashi nodded sharply.

He was halfway out the window when he paused.

"Thank you, Tsunade-sama," he said quietly over his shoulder.

"Find him, Kakashi," Tsunade-sama said, and suddenly, her voice was intense, her amber eyes piercing. "Find him and bring him home."


	14. Chapter 14

"And why, exactly, do you have this?" Pakkun asked dryly, unimpressed by the shirt Kakashi withdrew from the sealed plastic bag.

"None of your business," Kakashi told him, faking nonchalance as he threw a small pack together, mostly restocking on military rations pills, ration bars, scent suppressant medication, and heat suppressants. He took one of each of the suppressants, grimacing as he swallowed them dry. "The scent is going to be old. Almost three weeks. Can you do it?"

"It'll be difficult," Pakkun hedged.

"I could always ask to borrow one of the Inuzuka ninken," Kakashi said, tossing a few more kunai and shuriken into his bag.

"I don't need their help," Pakkun bristled. "I can do it."

"Great," Kakashi said. He looked at his tools once more, then, just in case Iruka needed one, added a compact seal-writing kit that had been collecting dust since Kushina had given it to him close to two decades ago. "Let's go."

"Where do you want to start, boss?" Pakkun asked.

"Iruka-sensei's apartment. He either defected or was kidnapped, but either way, it seems like that was likely one of the last places he was."

He let himself and Pakkun out of his apartment, a note to Gai asking him to water Ukki-kun in his fingers, when Gai's door opened.

"Oh! My esteemed rival!" Gai exclaimed loudly. "You've returned! Oh, and Pakkun-san. Good to see you, as always."

"And you," Pakkun said gruffly. "Excuse me." He raced away, already set on his mission.

Kakashi was about to thrust the note at Gai and flicker away when something occurred to him.

"Gai," he said thoughtfully, "how did you get into Iruka-sensei's apartment? The day you and Yamato had to, uh, collect me."

Gai blinked. "Iruka-sensei gave us a key."

"What about the wards?"

"Oh, he'd left them disarmed," Gai said. "Why?"

Kakashi frowned, thinking. "Have you seen him lately?"

Gai shook his head, frowning, understanding that Kakashi wasn't planning on answering his question. "No, I've been very busy training with my team, lately. I plan to enter Lee and Ten-ten into the next chūnin exams."

Right, Kakashi had forgotten that Neji had been awarded the chūnin title in the exam just after his own team had broken apart.

"I just got another mission that should last about two weeks. Would you mind watering Ukki-kun for me again?" 

"Certainly, my esteemed rival!" Gai said cheerfully. He frowned. "Godaime is sending you out on a mission right now?"

"It can't wait, unfortunately," Kakashi said, giving an affected sigh. Gai both knew Kakashi's cycle schedule, roughly, and knew how much Kakashi loathed suppressants.

"Be safe," Gai said seriously.

"Always," Kakashi said cheerfully. "See you."

He flickered away before Gai could respond.

Pakkun was already sniffing around Iruka's door when Kakashi arrived.

"Nothing outside of his windows," Pakkun reported. "Old smells around his doorway. What's with the wards? They smell like what's-his-face. Ebidzuru. Ebijō. Ebize?"

Kakashi couldn't hold back the snort at the last guess. Naruto always claimed that Ebisu was a pervert, but Kakashi didn't think Naruto meant bondage. Kakashi went through a dozen hand seals, unlocking the wards. "You mean Ebisu?"

"Yeah, that guy," Pakkun agreed.

"He was on the initial investigation team. It's standard to seal areas under investigation, you know that."

Pakkun snorted. "His wards buzz. They itch."

Kakashi smiled lopsidedly as he dropped the wards. Of course Pakkun would be critical of even Ebisu's wards. The man was excellent at what he did, but when it came to wards and seals, Kakashi was better, and Iruka was better still.

It was the work of a moment to pick the lock, and the two of them entered. Immediately, Pakkun was back to sniffing.

There were a handful of potatoes and two onions on Iruka's kitchen counter. Kakashi opened the refrigerator, curiosity piqued by the potatoes and onions.

The ingredients for nikujaga sat on one shelf, the beef now long since gone bad and the vegetables wilted. Another shelf was home to a half-empty carton of spoiled milk, three eggs, and diced, raw chicken that had also gone bad. The green onion had seen better days. Weeks, even. Ingredients for oyakodon, plus the milk. It was all very... normal.

Kakashi frowned, remembering Iruka's odd grocery-buying habits. Iruka kept his refrigerator organized so that things he intended to cook together could be found together, but that was where the common sense ended. His refrigerator usually contained an assortment of foods that Kakashi would never cook together into a single dish. As much as sometimes Iruka's idea of cooking grossed him out, the current state of the refrigerator was wrong.

"Boss!"

Kakashi let the refrigerator door fall shut as he ran to Pakkun's voice, noticing in passing that there was a half-graded stack of student assignments on the dining room table, but none of the half-written seals that usually held permanent residence there.

He could have sworn Pakkun's call had come from Naruto's room.

"Where are you?" he asked, looking around.

"Under the bed," Pakkun said, then sneezed. "Boy, that kid needs to sweep under here."

Kakashi knelt and looked beneath the bed. Pakkun was lying on his back, all four paws sticking up against the box spring.

"What's that?" Kakashi asked.

"Notes," Pakkun said. "The most recent smell in the apartment was coming from in here, which seemed weird to me, so I took another look. Don't just stand there, help me push this up."

Kakashi obeyed, lifting the box spring away from the frame. An envelope fell away, papers sliding from the open end, and Kakashi recognized one of the drawings as being the seal on his amulet. Kakashi set the box spring back down and pulled out the drawings. He lifted his hitai-ate, memorizing each page of notes in an instant. These would need to be delivered to Tsunade-sama, sooner rather than later.

Once he had memorized the seals, he lowered his hitai-ate again and bit his thumb.

" _Kuchiyose no jutsu_ ," he intoned, thrusting his hand to the floor.

"What's up, boss?" Shiba asked.

"I need you to get these to Tsunade-sama," Kakashi said, sealing the envelope closed. "Whatever you do, don't be seen."

"Got it, boss," Shiba said. He waited as Kakashi slid the envelope into his henohenomoheji vest, and then he was off.

"Alright, Pakkun, where to next?"

Pakkun growled in his version of a frown, already making his way back out into the living room.

"There was somebody else here, boss," Pakkun said, sniffing around. "At first I thought it was just one of the people from that investigation party you mentioned, but now I'm not so sure."

"Who?"

Pakkun shook his head. "Not sure. I recognize their scent, but it's not somebody I know."

"What makes you think it's not someone from the investigation?" Kakashi asked, eye narrowing.

Pakkun shook his head. "Call it a hunch. That person's movement doesn't seem to quite fit with how the other people I smell moved in this space."

"Keep it in mind. We might need to learn more," Kakashi said.

"You should get the rest of the pack to memorize these smells. Just in case," Pakkun said.

Kakashi nodded and summoned the rest of the pack. Pakkun got them up to speed as Kakashi moved through the apartment again.

The blanket over the back of the couch was straight. Iruka was tidy, but he was rarely that tidy. It almost looked as though someone had straightened it relatively recently.

"Hey, Pakkun, does this blanket smell like that person you mentioned?" Kakashi asked without looking away from it.

Pakkun trotted in, nails clicking on the hardwood, and jumped up onto the couch.

"Sure does, boss," Pakkun affirmed. "Maybe they were just a guest Iruka-sensei had over before he disappeared, then."

"It's possible," Kakashi mused, unconvinced. "But Iruka-sensei doesn't have a lot of people come over."

"Except you," Pakkun said suspiciously. "It might be old, but I can still smell your scent all over this couch, too, boss."

Kakashi rolled his eye. "We're friends."

It went quiet enough to hear a pin drop.

"What?" Kakashi demanded. "It's only natural. He was the teacher to the pups on my team, remember? Or have you already forgotten that I was a teacher?"

"Boss," Pakkun said slowly, gingerly, "it's, uh, good that you have friends, but, uh, there's something you need to know about him."

Kakashi blinked, trying not to show the fact that his heart stopped.

"What is it?" he whispered.

"He's an alpha," Pakkun said cautiously, looking as if he thought Kakashi might bolt. Of course, his pack knew about his experiences with other alphas, particularly in his vulnerable youth, and they knew that he made it a rule to avoid alphas whenever possible. Still, they didn't know Iruka.

"Oh, is that all?" Kakashi asked, relieved. "I knew that."

Sighs of deep relief resounded around the room.

Kakashi rolled his eye at them. "Tell me more about this other visitor."

"Omega," Bisuke offered.

"Female," Uuhei added.

"Serious heat pheromones," Akino said thoughtfully. "It smells like Iruka-sensei was going into rut around the same time."

Something unpleasant clenched in Kakashi's gut. He ignored it.

"And?" he pressed.

His pack looked at one another, avoiding his eyes.

"They slept together?" Kakashi guessed through clenched teeth.

"Smells like it," Pakkun said quietly. "Boss, you like this one, don't you?"

Kakashi took a deep breath and forced his fingers to relax. "He once told me that omegas are incapable of giving consent during their heats, and alphas around omegas in pre-heat and heat are incapable of giving their consent during ruts. Need I say more?"

Every one of his pack's eyes went to the ground, and they shook their heads, low growls rumbling from their throats. They understood what he was saying. They had seen Kakashi through the aftermath of hormone-driven coupling, and they understood better than most how toxic and damaging such an experience could be.

"Let's find this mystery guest," Kakashi growled, feral pleasure beginning to course through his veins. The hunt was on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I use [jisho.org](https://jisho.org/) to look up words in Japanese I'm unfamiliar with. One reason I like it is because you can type a Japanese word in romaji (Roman characters, ie those used in English), and it will figure out that you meant a Japanese word.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dearest reader,  
> We now enter the second half of our journey through this story.  
> Thank you so much for sticking with me, and I hope you enjoy the second half as much as you have the first!  
> ~K
> 
>  _ **Warning:**_ This chapter contains implied psychological torture and starvation, some mildly explicit speech, and canon-typical violence. If you prefer not to read this type of material, a brief summary is included in the end notes.

Kakashi couldn't even make himself be surprised when the trail of scent brought them to the west gate. It was only him and Pakkun, now; the other ninken had dispersed until they were needed again.

"Iruka-sensei?" Kakashi asked softly.

Pakkun hesitated.

"His scent is falling off," Pakkun said. "Almost like it was being suppressed. Like he was sealed or something. It's not surprising that the Inuzukas only got this far."

Kakashi nodded. "Our mystery guest?"

"It seems like she didn't expect to be followed. She took a heat suppressant, it smells like, but not a scent suppressant."

"She's our only lead," Kakashi said. "Let's go."

He followed Pakkun, pushing chakra into his feet to propel himself forward at inhuman speeds. The heat suppressant was beginning to make him feel nauseated, and he had a headache threatening behind his eyes, but the discomfort was unimportant compared to his current mission.

Pakkun made Kakashi stop so he could eat and sleep. Annoyed as he was, Kakashi was also reluctantly grateful. He might not stop until he collapsed, if not for Pakkun, he acknowledged to himself.

After three days of hard running, Pakkun finally began to slow.

"A group of people met her, I think," Pakkun said, jumping down to the forest floor. He began to circle, nose to the loam. "Four humans. Nobody I recognize. A male alpha, two female betas, and one male omega."

"Were they friendly to her?"

"Yes," Pakkun said, still sniffing. "Likely a pack, I think. Shinobi. I smell steel and weapon oil and paper and ink."

"Someone who makes seals?"

"Seems likely."

Kakashi nodded. "How long ago do you think they met here?"

"Just under two weeks," Pakkun said. "Eleven or twelve days."

"And Iruka-sensei?"

Pakkun shook his head. "Still no scent."

Kakashi growled an unintelligible curse. He couldn't help but be painfully aware of how short he was on time. He didn't have the luxury of going on a wild goose chase. "Alright, we'll follow their trail."

Pakkun nodded and took off running once more.

After another two days, they found the cave.

It showed signs of having once been a mine, long since abandoned. Slag heaps unceremoniously framed the entrance of the mine, and the metallic tang of rust rose from broken pickaxes and old gas lanterns that had been dumped in the refuse. The dust and soil running up to the entrance of the mine looked undisturbed.

"Are you sure this is where the trail goes?" Kakashi whispered to Pakkun.

"Positive," Pakkun replied. "Boss, you shouldn't go in by yourself. There are five of them, and that's if there aren't any other entrances."

"I don't have a choice," Kakashi murmured, even though Pakkun was right: those weren't good odds. "Go back to Konoha. Tell Tsunade-sama what we've found and have her send a squad."

"Boss, that's going to take ten days at least! You don't mean to wait, do you?"

Kakashi smiled slightly at Pakkun. "I don't have a choice, remember? The clock is ticking for Iruka-sensei. But I've got you guys, if I need backup in the meantime."

Pakkun snorted softly. "Don't get yourself killed, boss."

"I'll do my best," Kakashi promised. "Now get out of here."

Pakkun vanished into the trees.

Kakashi looked back to the entrance of the old mine. The trees ended some distance from the entrance, leaving him without cover for a good hundred meters. He cursed his timing. The moon would be full, leaving him almost as visible at night as during the day.

Still, he doubted that they would expect anyone to find them. The fact that there was no guard posted told him that he might still have a chance to sneak in.

He lifted his hitai-ate, checking for genjutsu, and found his view satisfactorily real.

Well, no time like the present.

Giving his weapons bags one last check, he leapt down and flickered into the entrance of the cave.

The cave was empty, but now that he was up close, he saw a partial, scuffed footprint in the dust. Perfect. Unfortunately, the bitter, salty smell of mined earth prevented him from being able to smell anything else, so he couldn't be sure how old the footprint was or the style of shoe that had made the print. Still, it was good to know that someone had been here relatively recently.

Kakashi padded silently down into the darkness of the mine, one hand loose around the handle of a kunai.

It soon became too dark to see. Kakashi resigned himself to burning through his chakra faster than he wanted to and lifted his hitai-ate, closing his natural eye.

The sharingan pierced the darkness far more easily than his other eye, and he could see, now, the faintest glimmer of light from down the tunnel.

He followed the light. It was so pale as to seem almost like just a memory of light, but it was enough.

He heard a rattling breath and flattened himself against the nearest wall, freezing.

There was a long pause, then another soft, echoing breath. He frowned. The breathing sounded like that of an omega sleeping fitfully between waves of heat.

After long moments, he began creeping forward again, only to notice the flickering light moving.

Holding back a curse, he fled back around a bend, praying that the person carrying the candle wouldn't come this far up the tunnel.

His luck held. He heard keys jangling and then the angry squeal of a metal door in want of oil.

Chains rattled.

"No! No, please!" The voice burst down the tunnel, echoing on stone, agony amplified by each echo. Kakashi felt sick, instantly recognizing Iruka's voice.

"Please. Please, no. I'm begging you. I can't," Iruka choked between sobs. "Please."

"You can fix this so easily," a young man's voice said, trying and failing to sound gentle. "All you have to do is make the seals so we can get him, and you'll be free."

"I can't!" Iruka cried. "I can't, I told you, I can't. I only know simple seals!"

"We know you can do it," the other man's voice said, suddenly vicious, and Iruka screamed. His voice echoed long and painful down the tunnel, and Kakashi's whole body shook with the effort to stay still, to not give himself away.

Then Iruka's cries abruptly took on a different nature, hungry and desperate. Kakashi felt cold chills run down his skin like ice water. Those cries sounded like... an omega in heat.

"Please. Please," Iruka said. His voice had taken on that desperate quality, fear still making the words quaver, but with hunger drowning out the fear.

"Tell me what you want, little Omega," Iruka's torturer crooned.

"Oh, god. You," Iruka sobbed. "Please. I need you. I need you inside of me. I need your knot. Alpha."

_What in the_ – 

Kakashi's stomach rebelled violently, and it was all he could do to keep the bile down.

"I can't– I– oh, god, please," Iruka begged. "I'll give you anything, I'll do anything. Please, I'm begging you!"

"You just need to make the seals," the other man said soothingly. "That's all we need, and you can have anything you want."

Kakashi could hear Iruka's wordless sobs, chains striking stone as Iruka collapsed to the stone.

"I can't," Iruka wailed. "Please. I can't! Alpha, please! I need you. Please." He devolved into soft sobs again.

He couldn't stand here and listen to this. He didn't know what they'd done to Iruka, but he couldn't stomach listening to this any longer.

Kakashi flickered down the hall, leaving Iruka's begging and cries echoing behind him. He had to think clearly. Somehow, they'd made Iruka behave like an omega wretchedly in heat. There were five people, and the alpha male was currently with Iruka. That left two betas and two omegas somewhere in this mess of tunnels.

Iruka's cries still ringing in his ears, Kakashi came to what appeared to be a canteen.

_Lucky me_ , he thought fiercely, spotting a sole person cooking. He must be the male omega. The man wasn't wearing a hitai-ate, but his movements suggested high-calibre shinobi training. 

Kakashi flashed in. The omega was dead before he knew what had hit him. He had a mask hanging from his belt that looked disconcertingly like an Anbu mask. Kakashi frowned. It wasn't one he recognized.

Now, to find the women.

He found the two betas in an enormous cavern that looked disturbingly reminiscent of one of Orochimaru's labs, albeit less high-tech. Both wore Leaf hitai-ate with the Leaf emblem intact. He didn't recognize either. Not missing nin, apparently, which was disconcerting, but Kakashi wasn't going to worry about that now.

One of the beta women proved relatively easy to dispose of, though a large number of test tubes, flasks, and beakers ended up smashed across the floor. The other, an earth-style user, nearly crushed him with the grinding of stone. He leapt in close to her and felt something slam into his side. It didn't feel like a kunai, so he ignored the strike and dispatched the woman. But the earlier rumbling of the earth had apparently summoned the omega woman.

Kakashi cursed, recognizing her even without the porcelain mask. The long, mint green hair paired with burgundy eyes was a dead giveaway.

"Sayu," he snarled, as Sayu smiled sweetly. Disturbingly, she, too, wore a Leaf hitai-ate.

"Well. Look at what the cat dragged in," the alpha male remarked, entering from another doorway. Kakashi didn't recognize the man.

"Looks like the other half of the puzzle came to us," Sayu said. "I told you he probably would. He's obsessed with that omega. The teacher."

Kakashi narrowed his eye, staving off the warmth that suddenly became oppressive. He hadn't seen either of the two use a fire jutsu, but the temperature in the room was definitely rising. A trickle of sweat crept down between his shoulder blades. "Other half of the puzzle?"

"Of course," the young man replied. His dark hair and dark eyes seemed somehow familiar. "Welcome, Kakashi of the Sharingan."

Kakashi glowered. "What is the meaning of this? Sayu. You've betrayed Konoha?"

Sayu smiled again. "No, no, Kakashi-buntaichō, it's not that simple. You see, we're here on behalf of Konoha."

Kakashi's eye widened. "Root."

"The genius gets it," the man said mockingly.

Kakashi closed his eye against a sudden faintness. Nausea threatened as he felt his body flush hotter. He wasn't even aware of it when he collapsed to his knees, the kunai clattering from his hand to the floor.

And then he smelled it.

Raw musk, hot and raw and mesmerizing and _Iruka_. An alpha in rut. No, an omega in heat. Which was it? He was so confused.

But he was on heat suppressants, he thought dizzily. He shouldn't be reacting to the scent of an alpha like this. Like he was in heat.

The alpha before him tsked. "You're on rut suppressants, aren't you?" the man asked.

"And if I am?" Kakashi spat, chest heaving for breath.

Sayu blurred past him.

This time, he felt the injection in the side of his neck. He tried to slap her away, but she was already gone.

Fever spread from the point of injection. He was slick, slicker than he'd ever been before, and his whole body screamed for Iruka. He had been thrust immediately and without ceremony into the most intense part of heat. Suddenly, the beta woman's strike in his waist made sense.

He wanted to laugh. They thought he was an alpha. The injection must be omega heat hormones. No wonder Iruka had been such a mess; he'd never experienced heat before.

But Kakashi wasn't an alpha. He knew heat, and he knew how to fight through heat.

He let himself collapse to the floor, hiding the movement of his hand with the fall. It was easy to palm the kunai from his weapons pouch, and easier still to curl up, writhing with all the desire that coursed through him.

"Set him up for the surgery," the alpha said sharply. "I'll be back once he's less twitchy."

"Wait," Kakashi whined. "Alpha, wait. Please." He despised the whine in his voice, but they had to believe he was overtaken by the hormones. "Please. I need you. Alpha. Alpha, please."

The man laughed. "Maybe later, my little make-believe omega," he said as he left. He stopped and looked over his shoulder, scent flaring. " _Be good for Sayu, now_ ," he commanded fiercely.

Kakashi nodded, doing his best to look helpless and obedient. It wasn't difficult. Far more difficult would be to break the command, but Kakashi had years of practice.

He let Sayu begin to help him up, whining and curling tighter in on himself as he did.

"It'll be okay, Kakashi-buntaichō," she said soothingly. It was difficult for any omega to resist another omega in distress. Sayu, thinking that Kakashi was by nature an alpha and therefore that this was his first heat, was particularly disadvantaged.

The marginally lowered guard was enough. Sayu really should have known better, and it would be her final mistake.

Blood gurgled in her throat as Kakashi slammed the kunai home so hard that he pinned her to the stone floor. She struggled for a moment, her eyes wide, mouth wide around the word, "How?" even as the light faded from those stunning wine-red eyes.

"Heat's nothing new for an omega," Kakashi hissed in her ear. "Tell Danzō hello when you see him in hell." For what they had done to Iruka, he would send Danzō after her if it was the last thing he did. 

She died with open shock on her face.

Kakashi stood, swaying unsteadily on his feet.

He rooted in his pocket and found his suppressants. He took two of the scent suppressants and two of the heat suppressants, shuddering at the bitter capsule coating as they stuck in his throat.

Kakashi guessed that the man was heading back to Iruka.

_Forgive me_ , he thought, stumbling to a corner where he could see the door but someone entering would be unable to see him immediately. He needed a minute or two for the suppressants to kick in. Iruka was strong. He could wait. 

Time crawled by painfully slowly. But gradually, bit by bit, he could feel the feverish sensation waning, trading places with a vile headache. He bit back a groan as his eyes throbbed.

Nausea came back with a vengeance, and Kakashi practically had to rip his mask down off his face to vomit in the nearest convenient trash bin. It was mostly a watery bile, since his last meal had been a single ration bar this morning.

He settled back into his corner, sweat running down his temple. He'd never taken three heat suppressants in a day, had never had such a huge overdose of hormones to combat, and his body was in all-out war against itself. His hands were clumsy as he pulled his mask back up over his nose and mouth, as if his body wasn't quite sure where his limbs were.

Finally, though, the fever and the relentless desire for an alpha's knot subsided enough for him to stand. He could tell his stomach wasn't going to settle any more than it already was, so it was now or never.

He stumbled out into the tunnels, immediately beset with Iruka's despairing, hungry begging. If only he could block his ears to Iruka's, "Alpha, please, I'm begging you! I don't know those seals, I can only barely do seals, please believe me. Oh, god, I need you, Alpha!"

Yet, at the same time, Kakashi couldn't hold back a tiny smile. Despite a horrifically powerful heat, Iruka still had the presence of mind to deny being able to create seals. He should be teaching torture resistance courses.

"We will do this with or without you, do you understand, little Omega?" the alpha snapped. "We have him. We will kill him."

"I don't believe you," Iruka moaned. "I don't believe you."

"You should. He seems like the honest type. If a little stupid," Kakashi quipped tiredly. He was grateful that Iruka seemed to be on a scent suppressant.

Both men's eyes snapped to meet Kakashi's mismatched gaze.

"You! How!"

Kakashi smiled with fatigue at the Root alpha. "I'm stronger than you," he said, the taunt flat in his voice.

"You're not even human," the alpha screeched, somewhere between fear and fury. "I don't care about your stupid eye. I'll send you to hell, demon!" The alpha screamed in fury, leaping forward. But his gaze caught in Kakashi's sharingan, and he crumpled to the floor, trapped in a genjutsu of soft breezes and old trees. Foolish.

"Somaru," the man said softly, lost in a world away from theirs. "You're alive?"

Kakashi's brow furrowed as he saw the genjutsu through his sharingan. There was the omega boy that Kakashi had killed so many years ago. The one in the Bingo Book. The one who had reminded him of Iruka. He'd forgotten the boy's name had been Somaru.

He must have been the younger brother of the man in front of him, Kakashi realized abruptly. Now that he knew about the connection, he could see the resemblance between the two men.

He sighed. Vengeance left no winners. It only took, and took, and took. It gave him no joy to end the life of the man kneeling, broken, on the floor before him.

Iruka gasped as blood sprayed, and Kakashi looked up.

Iruka was looking up at him, brown eyes soft and wide and horrified and hungry.

"Kakashi," he whispered.

Kakashi pulled down his hitai-ate and rifled through the dead man's clothes until he found keys.

He flickered down beside Iruka and began trying keys in the cuffs. He tried to ignore how gaunt and sick Iruka looked, how glassy and feverish his eyes, how gray his face from dirt and facial hair thin and brittle with malnutrition. He equally ignored Iruka's hands trying to reach out and catch his jacket or his mask.

Finally, the first cuff fell free from Iruka's wrist. Unlocking the other three cuffs was the work of a moment. His scent was obviously suppressed by medication, but this close, it washed violently over Kakashi, overwhelming his sensitive nose, until Kakashi was no longer certain he remained sane.

Iruka's lovely olive skin was raw and red where the metal had been closed around him, and bruises had bloomed, black, where Iruka had clearly yanked, over and over, against the edges of the cuffs. Kakashi winced at the sight of the injuries.

"I'm here," Kakashi said quietly, pulling Iruka in towards himself. "I'm here, Iruka. It's okay."

Iruka collapsed, sobbing, against him, hands clutching too weakly at Kakashi's flak jacket. He was weak, so weak, and burning up with fever.

"Here, take this," Kakashi said gently, fishing a heat suppressant capsule from his pocket and pressing it into Iruka's palm. "It'll help."

"Kakashi– I need– I'm so empty, I need you to– I need you inside of me, Kakashi, I need–"

"Take it," Kakashi insisted again, guiding Iruka's palm towards his face, praying desperately for self-control from whatever god might be listening. The throbbing headache behind his eyes helped him control himself, somewhat. "It will help suppress the hormones."

"I need–"

"I know," Kakashi said, doing his best to keep his voice gentle but firm. "Take the pill, Iruka. Trust me. Do you trust me?"

"With my life," Iruka said vehemently, throwing the capsule back dry. "But Kakashi–"

"You need to eat. When did you last eat?" He was already pulling out a ration bar.

Iruka chewed on his lower lip. "The day I got here? I don't know. How long has it been? Maybe a few days ago. I'm not sure. It's hard to tell here, because it's so dark." He hadn't eaten for over a week, Kakashi realized in horror. How was he even still conscious? But Iruka didn't seem to realize it had been so long. In fact, his hand moved back to Kakashi's jacket, pawing for the zipper. "But Kakashi, I'm not hungry, I need–"

"It's just hormones," Kakashi told him gently, catching Iruka's wrist. Iruka hissed in pain as the wrapper on the ration bar rubbed against the raw stripe around his wrist. Kakashi let go as if burned. "I should bandage those for you."

"No, Kakashi, I want–"

"I know, Iruka," Kakashi said, more firmly this time, once more deflecting Iruka's hungry grasping. "Listen to me. It's hormones. It's just hormones. It's not what you actually want."

"Yes, it is," Iruka insisted, his face drawing close to Kakashi's. "I needed that monster, but I _want_ you, don't you understand?"

Kakashi hissed in a breath between his teeth and closed his eye. "No, Iruka."

"Please, 'Kashi, please, I need–"

"You don't," Kakashi interrupted again, opening his eye and focusing on Iruka's glassy brown ones. "Trust me. Do you trust me?"

"I told you I do," Iruka said, beginning to become impatient. "But you're not _listening_ to me."

"I am," Kakashi assured him. "I am listening to you. I promise. But trust me, you need to eat. You're burning up with a fever, and the hormones are making your body consume itself. Can't you feel it? Your muscles are atrophying."

Iruka bit his lower lip again, hesitantly opening his hand for the ration bar. "If I eat...."

"Then we'll see about getting you what you want," Kakashi promised guiltily. He absolutely wouldn't sleep with Iruka, not under these conditions, but if such a promise was the only way to get Iruka to eat, then he would promise whatever he had to.

Iruka devoured the ration bar and looked up expectantly.

"How's your stomach? Not upset? You should have another one, if your stomach can handle it," Kakashi said.

"It's fine," Iruka pouted. "Kakashi, you promised."

"I know, but you haven't eaten enough, yet," Kakashi said. "Can you eat one more?"

Iruka glowered but nodded.

Relieved, Kakashi dug out another ration bar from his pocket and let Iruka unwrap it. It took long moments, and Iruka dropped the unopened package twice, because his hands shook so badly.

"Slow down," Kakashi said teasingly. The heat suppressant needed time to kick in, though he wasn't about to tell Iruka that. "I'll still be here when you're done. Don't make yourself sick by trying to eat too fast."

Iruka huffed, but he ate it a little more slowly.

His movements were slowing down a little in that way that suggested the wave of heat was beginning to weaken. He still had cold sweat soaking through his clothes, but the glassiness in his eyes was beginning to look a little less feverish. Kakashi hoped that the heat suppressant was beginning to kick in. He gently brushed limp strands of sweat-soaked hair out of Iruka's face. Iruka's ponytail had somehow stayed in, tangled and off-kilter.

"How are you feeling?" Kakashi asked, once Iruka had finished the ration bar.

Iruka reached up for Kakashi's flak jacket, then frowned down at his hand, clearly puzzled by its slowness.

"Slow down. Talk to me," Kakashi said gently, catching Iruka's hand in his own.

"You knew I would stop feeling so...."

"I did," Kakashi confirmed.

"You tricked me," Iruka said, fatigue slurring his voice. "You promised."

"I know," Kakashi said gently. "Forgive me for lying to you. But you're the one who told me that an omega in heat can't consent, remember?"

"I know," Iruka mumbled. "But I wanted.... Still want you, 'Kashi."

God, had it been this difficult for Iruka to turn him down, that day he'd run into Iruka in the bar? The man had the self-discipline of a bodhisattva!

"I know," Kakashi said, suddenly feeling worn down to the bones. "We'll get through this. We'll talk about it. Later. Are you feeling better?"

"A little," Iruka murmured. "Tired."

"That's natural," Kakashi said, relieved. "You can sleep. I'll take care of you. And then we can go home."

"Home," Iruka murmured muzzily. "That sounds wonderful. Missed you terribly, 'Kashi."

"I missed you, too," Kakashi whispered, not sure Iruka could hear him.

He scooted so he could lean back against the stone wall of the cell. Iruka curled up against him, his whole body slowly drooping as he fell asleep, his head tucked beneath Kakashi's chin. He smelled like the acrid mine walls. Acrid mine walls, and candle smoke, and mold, and stale sweat, and heat pheromones in his cold, damp clothing. But beneath all that, he smelled wonderfully of Iruka.

They had eight days to get back to Konoha. They would need to move quickly, but they wouldn't need to keep up Anbu speeds. And then they would rest, and heal, and someone else would come clean up the rest of this mess.

Things would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Kakashi finds Iruka being held captive in an abandoned mine by members of Root, including Sayu, the omega woman and also a member of Anbu. They kidnapped Iruka to create seals as well as to lure Kakashi to them in order for them to remove his sharingan.
> 
> However, Iruka is behaving like an omega in heat. It isn't until a drug is injected into Kakashi that he realizes that both he and Iruka have been injected with some kind of omega heat hormones that trigger severe heat-like symptoms.
> 
> As a former member of Anbu, Kakashi had been trained to be able to fight through heat. He kills the remaining Root agents, takes too many heat suppressants, and rescues Iruka, who asks Kakashi to sleep with him. Kakashi declines, citing Iruka's inability to consent.
> 
> He notices heavy bruising and rawness on Iruka's wrists where he was cuffed to the wall. He gives Iruka heat suppressants and food, which begin to suppress the heat-like symptoms. They will depart for Konoha soon, but first, Iruka rests.


	16. Chapter 16

Iruka couldn't quite keep up with Kakashi, even at a lower speed than normal, but Kakashi would have been surprised if that hadn't been the case. Iruka likely hadn't eaten for close to two weeks before Kakashi had arrived.

Kakashi changed a fiercely-blushing Iruka's wrist bandages and ankle each morning and evening, and in the evenings as they took heat and scent suppressants and ate ration bars, Iruka dictated while Kakashi grumpily filled in a very, very thorough mission report. In his defense, Iruka had tried to write the report himself, but his wrists were too swollen and injured for him to be able to write legibly.

Finally, on the last night of their journey, Iruka made himself add additional notes to the report on his own, and he asked that Kakashi seal the notes without reading them. Kakashi did so without comment, though he burned with curiosity to know whatever was so confidential that Iruka didn't want even Kakashi to see it.

Since Iruka didn't have any gear, one of them would keep watch while the other tried to sleep in Kakashi's bed roll, alternating after four hours. The scents of their induced heats, even with suppressants, made sleep difficult, and neither got much rest.

It was a brutal pace, Kakashi knew, but they had to get Iruka home before he was declared missing-nin. Kakashi didn't tell Iruka why they pressed so hard to get home, but Iruka seemed equally keen on keeping up the pace.

To his credit, Iruka didn't complain a single time, even when Kakashi had to carry him piggyback. He apologized excessively, but Kakashi eventually distracted him by asking for stories about Naruto, when Naruto was a student at the Academy. Iruka also shared some of his more legal pranks, and Kakashi found himself laughing as he ran between the trees.

But at night, when he perched in a tree and Iruka wept and whined softly through nightmares down below, the weight of the night settled heavily on Kakashi's shoulders.

The only reason anyone would want to perform surgery on him would be to remove the sharingan, which meant that Root had always intended to find a way to draw him away. Sayu had known that he and Iruka were close, and she'd suspected that Iruka's kidnapping would draw Kakashi to them.

No matter which way he looked at it, he was the reason Iruka had undergone such a traumatic experience. And every quiet whine, every frightened expression that disturbed Iruka's sleep, reminded Kakashi of that.

They were met by an Anbu team led by Yamato a day out from Konoha. Pakkun was with them, showing them the way back to the mine.

Kakashi gave them a quick debrief and told Yamato to bring any paper with seals or notes they found, as well as samples, back to Konoha from the lab. He wanted Tsunade to test them and find out precisely what they had been, and how long they could expect the effects to last. Iruka was still taking the heat suppressants, and Kakashi still had to take his double dose just to stay sane. Whatever it was, it clearly had longer-term residual effects, and it would be devastating if it were turned against Konoha. To turn an alpha into a needier mess than most omegas....

Yamato understood, and the last Kakashi saw of the Anbu squad was as they picked up their pace.

"Kakashi, this is bad," Iruka commented somberly the night before they got home. "I should be going into rut right now, and I'm not."

"It might be partly because of the heat suppressants," Kakashi admitted. "I don't know of any instances of an alpha taking heat suppressants, so I'm not totally sure what to expect. I wish I did."

Iruka nodded. They'd talked about the pros and cons of his taking the heat suppressants, and it had been at Iruka's insistence that he'd continued to take them. As he pointed out, he'd been missing for a month. They couldn't afford to slow down, if it turned out that the hormones that had been injected would send him back into the pseudo-heat. But he didn't want to be on the medication any longer than necessary, either.

Kakashi's double dose kept him with a pounding headache so bad that it was beginning to affect his eyesight, and his joints ached, jolting with every movement, too. He would have to go into heat as soon as he'd debriefed with Tsunade, and he could already tell that it would be a hellish week. If not longer. He wasn't looking forward to it.

Yet despite all his reservations, the sight of Konoha's gates the next day, inviting them into Konoha's embrace, filled him with greater relief than ever before. He could have kissed the gates, and the guards, and the ground of Konoha. He almost started to cry.

They were home.

"Iruka-sensei! Where have you been? You look like hell!" Kotetsu said from the guard house.

"You know just how to make a man feel pretty," Iruka replied, laughing, to Kotetsu. "We were...."

"On a mission," Kakashi filled in smoothly. "Please tell Hokage-sama that we'll meet her at the hospital. It seems to be wearing off, but we were both dosed with an unknown substance and need immediate medical care."

Kotetsu's eyes widened. "Right," he said quickly. "I'll be back," he said to Izumo, already sprinting away.

"Thank you," Iruka said wearily. "See you, Izumo-san."

"Yeah, take care, Iruka-sensei," Izumo said seriously. "And you too, Kakashi-san. Do you need someone to accompany you to the hospital?"

"Thanks," Kakashi said, putting on as much of a smile as he could manage. "We'll be okay."

Izumo looked unconvinced.

Kakashi sighed and bit his thumb through his mask. He muttered, " _Kuchiyose no jutsu_ ," and Bull poofed into being.

"Bull will accompany us," he told Izumo. "He can carry us if necessary."

Bull's tail wagged in agreement.

Now that they were safely within the walls of Konoha once more, they no longer had to run. Kakashi and Iruka trudged through the city, Bull just behind them.

"Kakashi," Iruka said, after they'd been walking for a few minutes.

"Mm?"

"What happens now?"

"We go to the hospital and find out how much our hormone levels are screwed up," Kakashi said, already dreading the inevitable stay. "I don't know how we can make any decisions before we know what our bodies are doing."

"That's true," Iruka said. He bit his lip. "Once we're cleared?"

"Then I go off the suppressants and try to stay remotely sane for however long I have to stay in isolation," Kakashi said flatly.

"For however long...?"

"I have no idea how the injection or the suppressants are going to impact my cycle," Kakashi said, shrugging. "I've heard horror stories about people who've been on suppressants for years at a time, but this is pretty different, isn't it?"

"I suppose so," Iruka said ruefully. "Kakashi...."

Kakashi gave Iruka a sideways look. "What's bothering you?"

"Do you think it's possible that... my secondary gender has been permanently altered?" Iruka asked quietly.

Kakashi blinked. It hadn't honestly occurred to him that such a thing could happen. He considered the question.

"I doubt it," he said after he thought for a moment. "It's not like your endocrine system has changed. Your organs are all the same. I'd assume that the hormones you produce are going to stay the same, too. I don't know why that would change."

"I suppose not," Iruka said. Kakashi couldn't tell if he sounded relieved or disappointed. "I guess we'll find out soon enough. After you."

He opened the door for Kakashi.

As usual, Kakashi's first impression upon entering the hospital was the assault by cleaning fluids on his sensitive nose. He sneezed. It was a nice change from stale sweat and old pheromones.

"Excuse me," he mumbled. "You'd think they'd be able to do something about that smell," he adde, affecting grouchiness.

"Kakashi-sensei, Iruka-sensei," Sakura said, approaching them with a puzzled look. "Are you okay? Hello, Bull-san."

Bull wagged his tail, grinning happily up at her, then poofed away.

"We were dosed with something and need to be checked," Kakashi said, tucking his hands in his pockets. "I'd rather not share the details in public."

"Of course," Sakura said, wide-eyed. "Does Tsunade-sama know you're here?"

"If she doesn't by now, she will, soon," Iruka assured her. "Kotetsu ran to get her when we got in."

"Alright. I'm going to put them in room 307," Sakura said, turning to one of the nurses at the front desk.

"Yes, ma'am," the nurse said, going through files in the cabinet behind her. Finding two files, she pulled them out and began scribbling on a form. Once that was complete, she passed the two files to Sakura with a pair of clipboards.

Kakashi and Iruka followed Sakura into the building and up the two flights of stairs. It wasn't Kakashi's usual room. Instead, it was an outpatient exam room.

Kakashi collapsed into one chair and Iruka into another.

"Tell me what you know," Sakura said, pulling out the form the nurse had started filling in.

Kakashi looked blearily over at Iruka. Iruka shook his head.

"My best guess is that it was omega heat hormones, maybe synthetic," Kakashi said, keeping his voice level and distant. He closed his eyes and leaned his head gently against the cool wall as he spoke. "It caused Iruka-sensei to go into what appeared, superficially, to be heat. A pseudo-heat, as it were. And it caused me to go into heat despite the fact that I was taking heat suppressants at the time. It was a very intense heat, I might add. I believe I might have received two doses back-to-back."

"I was receiving a dose I think every day or so," Iruka said quietly, a dark red flush rising on his cheeks. "They had me constrained with cuffs that had been sealed to restrain chakra."

Sakura looked up from her notes. "Kakashi-sensei, you said it was an intense heat. If a normal heat is a five and the worst heat you've experienced is a ten, on a scale of one to ten, where would you put the one triggered by the substance?"

"Eight," Kakashi said. Iruka made a small sound of shock.

"If you don't mind me asking, for the sake of context, how long were you on suppressants before you experienced the ten?" Sakura asked.

"I hadn't been," Kakashi said, cracking open his eye to look at her. Iruka looked at him curiously. Kakashi ignored him.

Sakura frowned. "Your ten wasn't a rebound heat?"

"Suppressants make me sick. It should be in my file," Kakashi said dryly, closing his eye again. "I avoid them if there's any other alternative. I've never missed a heat by more than a month."

Sakura nodded and made a note. "I see. Okay. Did the substance seem to have any other effects that either of you noticed?" she asked.

"It hasn't worn off," Kakashi said flatly. "I'm currently taking two heat suppressants daily, and Iruka-sensei has had to take one per day so we could get back. We... weren't able to travel without taking them."

Sakura shook her head. "You know, I should be upset that you shared a prescription, Kakashi-sensei. But it's my understanding that you had a... deadline."

"Yes," Kakashi said.

"We did?" Iruka asked.

Kakashi opened his eye again. It throbbed.

Sakura's eyes widened slightly as her green eyes met Kakashi's. "You didn't tell him?"

"We were both already stressed out. I didn't feel a need to contribute, particularly since we got back well within the timeframe," Kakashi said as monotonously as he could. 

"Kakashi-sensei, you were less than a day under your deadline!" Sakura scolded.

Out of the corner of his eye, Kakashi could see Iruka paling.

"Injection. Unknown drug. And I have a raging headache from the heat suppressants. Can we please stay on topic?" Kakashi asked blandly.

"Right. I'm going to need to take blood samples. Will you please wait here a moment while I go get my tools?"

"Of– of course," Iruka said, still wide-eyed and pale.

"Hn," Kakashi agreed, unimpressed.

Sakura gave Kakashi a guilty look and fled, clearly expecting him to explain to Iruka. It made Kakashi want to not explain, just to put her on the spot.

"Deadline?" Iruka hissed.

Kakashi sighed. Of course, Iruka would be irate if Sakura had to explain....

"No one knew if you'd been kidnapped or you'd defected," Kakashi explained, closing his eye again. He wished his skull would throb a little less. "The Council was doing what they do best: scream for blood. Fortunately, Tsunade-sama's not an idiot, so she sent me to look for you rather than declaring you missing-nin. But the Council was trying to strongarm her, so I had a deadline for finding you and bringing you back."

"I would have been classified as a _missing nin_?" Iruka demanded, aghast. "I would never abandon Konoha!"

"We know," Tsunade said, sweeping into the room. "But the idiots on the Council have spent so long obsessing over following each and every law precisely as written that they've forgotten how to use their brains. Unfortunately, since you were Sasuke's teacher, that also counted against you. Now, what's this about an injection?"

Kakashi sighed.

"I know you read Sakura's notes," he said a little petulantly. He pulled out the mission report from his inner flak jacket pocket and handed it to Tsunade without opening his eye. "This has all of the rest of the information that could be written down."

Tsunade took a minute or two to skim the contents of the report, ignoring for now the sealed portion.

"Very thorough," she said approvingly. "You can give me a full report later. I agree with your assessment, but I'm going to have to run some tests. Ah, right on time," she added as Sakura knocked on the door.

Sakura came in carrying a tray bearing the items necessary for blood tests, including test tubes with their names and dates of birth.

Tsunade ran chakra-green hands over Kakashi while Sakura drew Iruka's blood. She spent a moment with her palms over Kakashi's forehead, and the headache and throbbing in his eye thankfully receded to a manageable level.

Then, they switched places and Tsunade scanned Iruka with chakra while Sakura took a sample of Kakashi's blood.

"We'll send these to the lab. We should have the report back within two days. Hopefully sooner," Tsunade said. "But my initial scan makes me believe that it's some kind of encapsulated hormone."

"So... what does that mean?" Iruka asked tentatively.

"Extended-release hormones," Tsunade said. "And the heat suppressants aren't doing you any favors, Iruka-sensei. Your body isn't metabolising the chemicals. To get rid of the hormones, I'm afraid you're going to have to go through the, uh... what did you call it? Pseudo-heat? Good name for it."

Iruka groaned and put his face in his hands. "Do omegas seriously do this every 90 days?"

"Your experience is going to be more intense than most omegas' normal heats," Tsunade said, not unkindly. "It's a large dose of hormones that your body isn't used to. But then it will be over and you won't have to worry about it happening again."

"I'll still be an alpha?" Iruka asked, looking up from his palms, his eyes shining. Again, Kakashi wasn't sure if it was disappointment or relief in Iruka's face.

"You're still an alpha right now, too," Tsunade told him. "These hormones aren't going to change that. You're not going to have many of the common symptoms of heat, only the sensations and desires associated with heat."

"What does that mean?" Iruka asked, embarrassed but curious.

"You can't make pups," Tsunade said, quirking a smile. "You probably won't produce much slick, and if you were knotted–" and Iruka's face, brick red, went back into his palms– "your musculature wouldn't adapt in the same way an omega's would. I suspect you would find it painful, or at least quite uncomfortable."

"So do omegas, I've been told," Kakashi pointed out dryly.

"Omegas normally find it less uncomfortable, though," Tsunade said. "Not all of them, of course, but most of them."

"I see," Iruka mumbled into his palms.

"It may be easier for you to get through it with the help of a beta," Tsunade remarked casually.

"No!" Iruka said quickly, looking up, eyes wide. "No, I– no. I'd rather not."

Tsunade shrugged. "Suit yourself. You're definitely going to want to use heat tools, though. And get some pillows and blankets for a nest."

"Heat... tools. And a... nest," Iruka said hollowly.

"I'll walk you through it," Kakashi said with a sigh. "The heat suppressants won't wear off until this evening. I suppose we'll need to stay in the hospital for observation?"

Tsunade winced. "I'm afraid so. Just in case there are toxic side effects."

Kakashi nodded and unfolded out of the chair. "We'll need to pick some things up, then. Are we cleared to leave for now? I need a clean uniform."

Tsunade nodded. "Come back by four this evening. We need to get you settled before the evening shift starts. You can give me the full report once you're discharged."

"Thank you, Tsunade-sama," Kakashi said.

He started for the exit.

"Door, brat," Tsunade reminded him with a long-suffering sigh.

Kakashi turned on his heel away from the window and escaped out the door. He ignored Iruka's chuckle.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story was originally called "Bucking Expectations." I'm still not sure how I feel about either that title or the current one. What do you think?
> 
> _**Warning:**_ Discussion of rape/non-consensual sex and some aftermath of trauma. The conversations may resemble some of the kinds of conversations people may have after sexual trauma. I'll include a summary of the chapter in the end notes. It should also be safe to read after the sentence, ""Would you... um, like a hug?" Kakashi guessed awkwardly."

Kakashi got his revenge for Iruka's laughter when they stopped at the adult store, which had the biggest heat management supply in Konoha. Iruka clutched his black opaque bag of purchases like it was going to bite him if he relaxed his grip.

"What am I supposed to do with all this stuff after... you know?" Iruka whispered, appalled at his purchase. Even the tips of his ears were red.

"Use it?" Kakashi suggested idly, tucking his hands in his pockets. "Or sterilize it and use it with someone else, I guess, though they say it's not safe to share toys."

"They're not _toys_ ," Iruka hissed, as if personally offended by the word. "They're _tools_."

"People also use them for fun," Kakashi pointed out, thoroughly amused. If he was also bright red beneath his mask, that was no one's business but his own.

Iruka sputtered.

Kakashi laughed. It was easier to be amused at Iruka's awkwardness than to think about what his own upcoming heat was going to be like, after all.

"Don't worry, you won't be thinking about that once the suppressants wear off," Kakashi told him. "We still need to get you some pillows and blankets."

"For the... nest?" Iruka asked, voice so low Kakashi could only barely hear him.

"Right. I'd offer to help you set it up, but people's nests are very individual."

Iruka nodded as though it made sense. Kakashi was fairly certain, based on his expression, that Iruka had no idea what Kakashi was talking about. He resisted the urge to laugh again.

Iruka tsked, unimpressed, as they got to his apartment. "I can't believe I let Mika kidnap me." He let them in, and Kakashi closed the door behind them.

"You mean Sayu?" Kakashi asked.

Iruka made a pained, frustrated noise and threw his hands in the air as he kicked off his shoes. "Of course Mika wasn't even her real name!"

Kakashi shook his head, kicking off his own shoes and following Iruka in. "Sayu was her code name. I never knew her real name. It's entirely possible that it was Mika. She was Anbu. You didn't 'let' her kidnap you, Iruka. She was a lot more dangerous than she looked."

"Oh." Iruka paused. "She said it was short for Mikadzuki," he said randomly, sighing as he set the black bag on his dining room table with a thump.

"Uh, sorry if I killed your girlfriend," Kakashi said awkwardly, looking away.

"Don't be more stupid than you have to be," Iruka scolded, acrid in a way that didn't seem directed at Kakashi. Indeed, the acid in his voice carried into his next words. "She said she was going to be a student teacher next term and wanted tips. She seemed nice enough. But she'd always seemed more interested in seals than in teaching. I thought making seals was just her hobby, or something. I never thought she'd be trying to steal them, let alone trying to make me make seals."

Kakashi frowned. "If you don't mind my asking, how did she manage to kidnap you? Tsunade-sama said all your wards were in place when they came to investigate. After you didn't show up to school."

Iruka rolled his eyes. "She said she would teach me to cook in exchange for help with teaching, so she started spending more time here–"

"I offered to teach you to cook," Kakashi said, trying not to pout.

"I wanted to surprise you, okay?" Iruka snapped, a bright blush spreading across his cheeks. "I wanted to make you something nice after your long mission." He looked away, fiddling with a pen he found on the table.

"Oh," Kakashi said, flustered. That was... not what he had expected.

"Anyway, that's when she dosed me the first time. I think it was in my food or something, though, because it wasn't quite as intense as... later. But it was still...." He grimaced, dropping the pen, and there was a bitterness in his eyes. He fell silent, jaw muscles working as he clenched his teeth.

"Secondary gender doesn't dictate who behaves unacceptably," Kakashi said quietly. "There are plenty of ruthless omegas. Many of them are more dangerous than alphas."

Iruka couldn't meet his gaze. "I know," he said hollowly. He swallowed once, twice. "It... wasn't what I wanted."

"She was Anbu," Kakashi reminded him gently. "Anbu and Root are trained to go after their target ruthlessly. It's not your fault."

Iruka's arms crossed in front of his body, closing him off, making him look vulnerable.

"Iruka...."

Iruka shook his head. "I... I wanted.... It's stupid, but I wanted my first time to, I don't know, mean something."

"Iruka," Kakashi repeated seriously, stepping forward. His hands raised, as if of their own volition, then stopped in an aborted embrace. "That's not stupid. And it's not your fault."

Iruka bit his lip. He was trembling, just a little. "It felt like it was my fault. I couldn't.... I couldn't make myself stop."

"She was counting on that," Kakashi said gently, letting his hands rest on Iruka's shoulders. "Iruka, it takes years of training to overcome heat hormones, and it's not always possible, even for the most well-trained shinobi." He sighed, trying to figure out how best to explain. "Look. I'm one of the best of the best." He pulled his hands away from Iruka and took a step back, stinging with the memory of his heat that day all those months ago. "And even I behaved like an animal towards you," he said bitterly. "You didn't have a chance."

"But–"

"No, Iruka. She took the choice from you, but for all that, you stayed strong and stubborn. You protected Konoha's secrets. You didn't give them what they wanted."

"They wanted me to seal your chakra pathways so they could run their own chakra through them," Iruka said, voice quavering. "So they could control you. And they were going to take your eye."

The words ran like ice through Kakashi's veins.

"Could you do that?" he asked, horrified. "Replace someone's chakra pathways so they could be... puppetted?"

Iruka's descent to the floor was little more than a collapse in slow motion.

"I think... it would be possible," he said lifelessly. Kakashi knelt down beside him, listening intently. "You could do something similar to the Yamanaka Mind Body Switch Technique, except that because the victim's chakra pathways are sealed to the victim, it would only require a very small amount of chakra to control the victim. In theory."

"My god." His voice came out as a breath.

"There's no amount of torture that would make me design something like that," Iruka said quietly. "Not even if I could, which I'm not even sure is within my ability."

"That's part of what you had me seal, in the report for Tsunade-sama?"

"Yes," Iruka said, eyes fixed on the floor. "There was more, but I think it's best I don't talk about it here. 'The walls have ears and the shōji have eyes'."

"Right," Kakashi said, coming to his senses. "Right, yes, you're right. But the point remains, Iruka, it was her doing."

"How could you get through this?" Iruka burst out suddenly. "How could you be... just... just... _used_ and still be so _kind_?"

"I'm not kind," Kakashi blurted without thinking.

"You _are_ ," Iruka said, hunching over his knees. "You were always kind to Naruto, you're kind to me. I... I understand why you avoided alphas. What I don't understand is how you could stand to be around _me_."

"You're more than your secondary gender," Kakashi said firmly. He hesitated. "Being around omegas... does it bother you?"

"I don't _know_!" Iruka cried, his voice muffled by his knees. He went quiet, shaking with suppressed sobs. "God... I've never felt so helpless, not since my parents died."

"Should I go?" Kakashi asked quietly.

"No!" Iruka's wide, panic-filled eyes met his. "No. Please. Stay. You're not.... You're different. I trust you."

Kakashi sighed. "Maybe you shouldn't. I was Anbu, once, too."

Iruka bit his lip, hesitating for a moment. "I suspected as much," he finally admitted. "It doesn't matter, though. You're my friend. You're.... I trust you. I don't want to be alone. I'm sorry."

"Would you... um, like a hug?" Kakashi guessed awkwardly.

Iruka hesitated again, then nodded.

Kakashi scooted closer, opening his legs to frame Iruka so that Iruka could lean against him. Iruka did so, clinging to Kakashi's jacket, and Kakashi slid his arms around the frame of the trembling alpha before him, burying his masked nose in Iruka's hair. Kakashi's mouth twisted unhappily. Holding Iruka made it so obvious to him how thin Iruka had gotten.

"I need a bath," Iruka suddenly said, giggling a little hysterically. "And a nap."

"You want to bathe here, before we head back to the hospital? They'll have a shower there, too, if you'd prefer that."

"No, I want a _bath_ ," Iruka repeated, a little more firmly. "I'm sorry. I'm sure I reek."

"You always smell good," Kakashi told him, though old sweat and strange hormones had soaked into Iruka's shirt. "I, however...."

Iruka pulled back, wrinkling his nose. "We could both do with a bath," he said.

"Is that an invitation, sensei?" Kakashi asked with a teasing leer.

"Gah! Pervert!" Iruka yelped, smacking Kakashi's chest not nearly as hard as he could have, his face bright red.

Kakashi grinned. "Well, I do have a reputation to uphold," he said. "In all seriousness, though, I'd wash your back for you, if you'd like. I promise to keep my hands to myself."

Iruka tucked his head under Kakashi's chin, muttering discontentedly. Kakashi chuckled and squeezed him gently.

"As nice as that sounds..." Iruka mumbled.

"Maybe some other time," Kakashi said, guessing by the conflicted pheromones radiating off Iruka that he was still confused and feeling too vulnerable to be seen naked. "Why don't you go take that shower and bath? I don't mind waiting."

"Would you like to take a shower here?" Iruka asked after a moment. "If you would, you could shower first. I can pack."

Kakashi shook his head. "As appealing as that idea is, it's probably better that you bathe and then pack. You don't want any weird smells sticking to your bedding."

"Oh. Right."

Kakashi helped Iruka climb to his feet.

"You asked about my wards," Iruka remembered abruptly. "After... what happened, I kind of came to my senses. I realized she'd taken all of my notes, even the ones I hadn't lent her, and between that and the hormones.... I put the wards up myself, when I went to go find her." He sighed sorrowfully. "I hope that Anbu team finds my notes."

"Pakkun found some of your notes, when we first came here to track you," Kakashi said, frowning. "The ones under Naruto's bed. Tsunade-sama should have them."

Iruka's eyes widened. "Oh, thank goodness!" he exclaimed. "I'd started having a weird feeling about leaving those out where people could see them, especially once Mika started spending more time over, so that's where I kept the really important stuff. I thought she'd found those! I was sure those were the seals that alpha guy was always talking about."

Kakashi smiled. "I was very impressed that through all of that, you kept insisting that you couldn't make seals," he acknowledged. "You're very stubborn."

Iruka smiled brightly. "My mum always said it was one of my best traits," he said jokingly. "Ibiki keeps trying to get Anko to recruit me to T and I."

Kakashi snorted. "You'd be a terror."

"Oh, I know it," Iruka said cheerfully. Apparently, that his notes had been saved had improved his mood immensely.

"Why does he try to get Anko to recruit you? Why not recruit you, himself?"

"Because every time he tries to recruit me directly, something involving glitter or obnoxious colors happens in the offices. He's still pissed that he's never been able to prove the glitter bomb was me."

Kakashi snickered. "Speaking of which, Ebisu's hair was apparently bright pink from the time they got through your wards until at least the time I left to find you."

"Should still be," Iruka agreed mischievously. "It wears off after about two months."

"That's cruel," Kakashi said, grinning. "Why two months?"

Iruka smirked. "Because I couldn't figure out how to make it last three."

Kakashi chuckled. "So how does one avoid getting pink hair?" he wanted to know.

"Obviously, inactivating the seals correctly would work. Or one of the people keyed to the wards would be able to open it without triggering the trap, even if they took it apart incorrectly," Iruka said, shrugging.

"I assume Naruto is one of them?"

"He is," Iruka agreed.

"Not much help when he's off traveling the world, though," Kakashi mused.

"He's not the only one," Iruka said. "I'm going to go shower. Uh, please make yourself at home."

Kakashi smiled. "Yeah, yeah, go take a bath. I'll be here. I expect to see you again no sooner than an hour from now."

Iruka ducked his head, a faint blush on his cheeks. "Thank you," he said softly.

"Shoo," Kakashi replied with a smile.

He took the opportunity to go around and water Iruka's plants. Many were wilting, but none had died.

Once the plants were cared for, he settled into one of the dining room chairs, unwilling to sit in his filthy clothes on the couch, and pulled out his ever-present _Icha Icha_.

An hour or so later, Iruka emerged, dressed in a clean uniform.

He stood there for a moment, and Kakashi didn't realize he'd been holding his breath until he felt his lungs start to burn.

Iruka's hair spilled loose in wet locks around his face and down over his shoulders, dripping into his fresh shirt. Kakashi hadn't realized how pale Iruka had been until Iruka had walked out, fresh-faced and clean shaven. His eyes had regained some of their brightness, though he still had dark bruises of exhaustion beneath them. His wrists were bare below the rolled-up sleeves, the bruises now purple with greenish borders and the raw skin looking a little less angry.

"I, uh... took the liberty of watering your plants for you," Kakashi finally managed to choke out.

"Oh, thank you," Iruka said, sounding surprised. "Ah... would you mind helping me re-bandage these?" he asked, smiling hesitantly as he held up his wrists.

"Sure," Kakashi said, putting away his book and pulling off his filthy gloves. "Do you have a first aid kit?"

"Be right back," Iruka said, disappearing in the direction of the bedroom.

Kakashi used the opportunity to tuck his gloves in a pocket and wash his hands at the kitchen sink.

Iruka pulled the second dining chair up beside the first and sat down, setting the first aid kit on the table, and Kakashi took the open seat. He pretended not to notice that Iruka's hair still tumbled freely over his shoulders, but what he really wanted to do was run his fingers through Iruka's wet hair.

Kakashi smoothed ointment over Iruka's raw skin, keeping his expression blank as Iruka hissed almost silently in pain. It seemed that Iruka's pain had diminished a lot since that first day, though, which was a good sign.

He bandaged up the wrist and gave the other the same treatment. It appeared that there wouldn't be any scarring from the cuffs, which made Kakashi strangely glad. Iruka's skin was so unblemished for a shinobi. Oh, he had his fair share of scars, but most of them were short, small ones scattered across his hands and up his forearms from his students' practice, not long, deep scars of combat like the ones that littered Kakashi's body.

"You have nice hands," Iruka said quietly, as Kakashi tied the bandage.

"Hmm?" Kakashi asked, mind blanked. So much for being a genius.

"You have gentle hands."

"Gentle hands that kill people," Kakashi said emotionlessly, pulling out his fingerless gloves and pulling them back on. He didn't want to think of all the death his hands had wreaked, not when he was in Iruka's home.

Iruka smiled. "Every shinobi's hands kill people, but not every shinobi has gentle hands, Kakashi," he said. "And you have gentle hands."

"Oh."

Iruka stood awkwardly. "I guess I'll pack. How many blankets and pillows should I take for a nest? What am I looking for, exactly?"

Kakashi thought about this for a moment.

"Have you ever gotten really sick?" he asked after a moment.

Iruka snorted. "Last winter. Caught the flu. It was awful. I felt like I was going to die. Why?"

"That many blankets and pillows. You want something that makes you feel safe and comfortable," Kakashi said. "Things that smell like you. Omegas usually also like to have bedding that smells like their pack, particularly their mate."

"Oh," Iruka said, another blush rising across his face.

Kakashi barely resisted the urge to pull his mask down and press his lips to the scar on the bridge of Iruka's nose, made prominent against the apricot color of his embarrassment and the hair made black with water that framed his face.

Hmm. The heat suppressants were wearing off again. He should have expected that, in hindsight, since Iruka's scent permeated the air around them. And it was already past three o'clock, too. His next dose would have been in two or three hours, if he was keeping to the same schedule they'd held while traveling.

"I'll just–" Iruka scurried away, leaving Kakashi in the dining room again.

Muffled mumbling came from Iruka's bathroom, then from the bedroom. After a few minutes, Iruka came out to the living room. It sounded like he grabbed the quilt from the couch before going back into the bedroom, and then Kakashi heard the telltale pop of a sealing scroll being used.

"Okay, I'm ready," Iruka said, and Kakashi privately mourned that Iruka had put his hair back up in the ponytail. "Thank you so much for waiting for me."

Kakashi let his eye curve into a smile over his mask. "Don't forget your...." He gestured at the black bag on the table.

Iruka flushed darkly and snatched it up.

"I just need to make a quick stop at my place, and then I'll be ready," Kakashi said casually. "You can come along, or you can head to the hospital, if you'd rather."

"I'd rather stay with you," Iruka said quietly. "If that's okay."

"Of course," Kakashi said.

He waited as Iruka locked up and set the wards.

They walked quickly, since Kakashi lived half a dozen blocks away. He didn't have much time to pack, but he didn't mind. All he really needed were some clean uniforms and his heat management tools.

Changing into clean clothes, of course, was the first order of business. He was glad to throw his dirty clothes in a hamper. He tried not to snicker as Iruka, bright red, stared fixedly at the painting hanging by Kakashi's door. Kakashi definitely didn't purr as he put on clean clothes.

The shirt he'd had Pakkun scent to track Iruka was still lying on the bed. He grabbed it and set it on the table to make his own pile of things to bring. Iruka didn't ask why Kakashi had a shirt lying on his table, and he didn't explain.

The green shuriken-print blanket from his bed and his single pillow got sealed into a scroll with several uniforms, his box of toys, and the shirt with Iruka's scent. He was ready to go in moments.

Iruka frowned as Kakashi stuck the scroll in his flak jacket pocket. "Do you not have more blankets and pillows? I thought you said to grab a lot."

Kakashi ignored the tightness in his chest. "I don't nest," he said. "I don't mean I don't get the urge," he added with a sigh, knowing Iruka was already confused by the whole heat experience. "I just don't let myself. Anyway, I don't have the space for it." He motioned at his tiny apartment.

"That seems... hard," Iruka said, his brow knitted.

"It's an Anbu thing," Kakashi said briefly. "They have to divorce themselves from their urges. It's particularly important for undercover work. Most people who have been in Anbu, active or not, tend to maintain the lifestyle. It's too dangerous to be in the habit of succumbing to one's hormones."

"Oh," Iruka said softly. "That's kind of sad."

"Why?" Kakashi asked, legitimately bemused.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like Anbu kind of have to maintain emotional distance from people. Not have a pack."

"Anbu is basically a pack," Kakashi said slowly. "But that's not really what you mean, is it?"

Iruka smiled despite himself. "You're right, it's not."

"It's not really that they can't have a pack," Kakashi said, looking out the window at Konoha. "Being a member of Anbu is inherently risky, and it places a lot of risk on those people's packs, too. Most of us choose not to form those kinds of connections, even if we've retired. It's too painful to lose those people."

"I know what you mean," Iruka said softly.

Kakashi's gaze snapped to Iruka. "You're not Anbu."

"No, I'm not," Iruka agreed somberly. "But as much as we try to protect them, young shinobi die too often."

"And your students are your pack," Kakashi murmured. "I'm sorry. I didn't think about that."

Iruka's face contorted into a pained, forced smile. "It's okay. I just have to teach them to the best of my ability so that they survive. I'm very fortunate that most of my former students are too stubborn to die."

Kakashi felt his mouth twist unhappily. "It's not just their stubbornness, you know. You're an excellent teacher. I've seen what your students can do firsthand, and you've given them significantly better chances at survival than most Academy graduates could ever hope for."

A little of the pain melted from Iruka's smile. "I hope so. Oh, we'd better go, or we'll be late. I'm sorry I took so long in the bath. You haven't gotten a chance to take a bath."

"I'm not. There aren't baths here. And the showers are nicer at the hospital than they are here," Kakashi said. That wasn't precisely true – they were built in the same model – but the in-suite shower in the hospital room would be more private than the one in this apartment building.

"Oh, okay," Iruka said, looking relieved.

Kakashi shepherded Iruka out, locking up and resetting the wards.

They got to the hospital just barely before four. One of the nurses at the entry station appeared to have been waiting, because she stood as soon as she saw them, files in her hand.

"We'll be on the fifth floor," she said, leading the way without checking to see if Kakashi and Iruka were following.

They trotted after her through the hospital until they arrived at the rooms. The doors were heavily reinforced, with seals plastered on the frames to prevent the doors or walls from breaking if a desperate shinobi tried to break out.

"Umino-san, this will be your suite," she said, pushing open the door. They went in, and she showed him the red button beside the bed, the red string by the toilet, and the red string in the shower that he could use to call a nurse. "You'll have meals delivered thrice daily. You can leave the trays on this table," she said, indicating the small table beside the door. "Blankets and pillows are in this closet. If you need more, we can bring some for you."

"I'm going to be kept here for.... This is like a prison," Iruka whispered, eyes wide.

The nurse looked sympathetically at him. "It allows us to manage patients who are going through heat or rut, and prevents those patients from being exposed to others. It seems uncomfortable, but it's better than the alternative."

"It's not too bad," Kakashi said. "I've had to stay here a couple of times. You stop noticing the room," he admitted.

"Great," Iruka breathed, sounding like it wasn't great at all.

"You won't be able to take any visitors unless they're pre-presentation–"

"You won't want to," Kakashi broke in.

The nurse glared at him, and he shrugged.

"But if you sign this release, we can inform those you list that you're here if they ask," she finished, handing Iruka a sheet of paper and a clipboard.

He thought for a moment, then began writing.

Kakashi's brow disappeared up into his headband. Iruka's list of people was quite long.

"Academy people," he explained as he handed the sheet back to the nurse. "And Naruto. I assume Haruno Sakura will know I'm here?"

"Yes, she's on your care team," the woman said. "Is that okay?"

"Yes," Iruka said. "Thank you."

"Um, would you like to include Hatake-san on your list?" she asked, looking over the paper.

"Oh! Yes, please," Iruka said quickly. "I'm sorry, I just assumed that since we came in together...." He accepted the paper and scrawled Kakashi's name.

"Okay. I just need your stamp here, here, and here–" She passed him the clipboard with another set of papers– "saying that you've agreed to receive care from us."

Iruka skimmed the agreement, withdrew his name stamp from a pocket, and pressed it to the paper where she had indicated.

"Do you by any chance know how long Tsunade-sama thinks we'll be here?" Iruka asked hesitantly, putting away his stamp.

"It looks like she put a note on your file indicating that she's not sure," the nurse said, looking puzzled. "Odd."

"Oh, well," Iruka said, sighing.

"Is there anything I can get for you, or that I can help you with at this time?" the nurse asked.

"No, I don't think so," Iruka said. "Thank you."

"See you on the other side," Kakashi said, smiling.

"Oh," Iruka said, looking surprised. "Right." His face fell.

"Could we have a moment, please?" Kakashi asked the nurse.

She hesitated, looking between them, then nodded. "I'll be in the hall."

"Thank you," Kakashi said without looking away from Iruka.

As soon as the door closed behind the woman, Kakashi said, "Just make yourself comfortable. Drink lots of water, and eat everything they give you. I won't lie, it's going to be hard, but you'll get through it. I'll be right next door. You won't be able to hear me or smell me because of the seals on the rooms, but I'll be there."

Iruka's breath hitched.

"I'm sorry, I just...."

Suddenly, his arms were around Kakashi, his face buried between Kakashi's shirt and flak jacket collar. Startled, Kakashi froze. Then he thawed, letting his arms go around Iruka.

"It'll be okay," Iruka mumbled to himself against Kakashi's collarbone. "Thank you, Kakashi."

"Mm."

Iruka sighed. "I wish you could stay with me. I know it's a terrible idea, but that doesn't stop me from wishing."

Kakashi hesitated. "Would you...."

"What?"

"Would you like to hang onto my blanket?" Kakashi mumbled. He'd never offered something so personal to anyone for a cycle before. "It... I mean... that is, it would smell like me. If that would make you feel better."

He could feel the tension in Iruka's tiny tremors, and they were close enough that he could smell the sudden hopefulness in Iruka's suppressed scent.

"Let me leave it with you," Kakashi said so Iruka wouldn't have to ask. "It's really soft."

"But then you won't have anything," Iruka said. "Do you want to borrow one of my blankets?"

Kakashi hesitated. He wanted to borrow one of Iruka's blankets more than he could say, and the very thought terrified him.

"I'd feel better if you had a blanket that didn't smell like the hospital," Iruka mumbled into Kakashi's jacket.

"I'd like that," Kakashi finally managed to say. "Thank you."

Iruka extricated himself from Kakashi's arms and tossed his black bag on the bed so he could pull out his sealing scroll. He unsealed it, revealing a heap of toiletries and bedding and clothes, and picked through until he found the quilt that usually lay across the back of the couch.

"It's the best napping blanket," Iruka said, handing it to Kakashi.

Kakashi folded it over his arm and pulled out his own scroll. It was much easier to only unseal his blanket from the scroll, since it was the only blanket he'd included.

"Don't worry about keeping it clean," he told Iruka. "It washes well."

Iruka blushed heavily, accepting the blanket. "I won't–"

"I mean it," Kakashi interrupted. "You'll have enough going on. Don't worry about keeping it clean. Just do whatever you need to do to get through the next... however long. Take care of yourself first, for once."

Kakashi hadn't thought it possible for Iruka's blush to darken, but it did.

"Okay. I'll see you soon," Iruka said quietly. "Kakashi, I–" He cut himself off. "Thank you," he said, and it was obviously not what he'd meant to say, but his face closed off.

"See you," Kakashi said.

He let himself out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary of chapter: Kakashi takes Iruka to the adult store to purchase heat management tools, which hilariously embarrasses Iruka. He also teaches Iruka what he needs of a nest.
> 
> It's learned that Mikadzuki "Mika", codename: Sayu, the Root/Anbu agent, tricked Iruka by saying she was going to be a student teacher. She offered to teach Iruka how to cook in exchange for help teaching, which Iruka accepted because he wanted to cook something nice for Kakashi after his long mission (aww).
> 
> She dosed Iruka the first time through his food, and Iruka reveals that he's unhappy with what transpired after. "I wanted my first time to, I don't know, mean something."
> 
> Kakashi assures Iruka that despite what happened, Iruka stayed strong and stubborn.
> 
> Iruka reveals that Root wanted him to create a seal to prevent Kakashi's chakra from being able to flow through his own chakra pathways, enabling someone else to flow their own chakra through Kakashi, thereby controlling him. It would be similar to the Yamanaka Mind Body Switch Technique, and Iruka considers such a seal theoretically possible to create. He also reveals that Root intended to steal Kakashi's eye. Both of these pieces of information were included in Iruka's sealed notes in their mission report.
> 
> Iruka then asks how Kakashi can stand to be around alphas, and more specifically, around Iruka. (Author's note: Because you're a giant teddy bear, Iruka. Duh.)
> 
> Kakashi turns it around on Iruka, asking if Iruka is uncomfortable around omegas, and specifically around Kakashi. Kakashi also reveals he's ex-Anbu.
> 
> This is where the sentence, ""Would you... um, like a hug?" Kakashi guessed awkwardly," appears.
> 
> Iruka's mood is improved when he learns that his notes from under Naruto's bed were recovered and sent to Tsunade.
> 
> Kakashi talks about why he has his sad little nest: Anbu learn to divorce themselves from their urges, and thus, most don't allow themselves to nest. Iruka remarks that they must therefore not really have packs, and Kakashi acknowledges that although it's allowed, most Anbu prefer not to, because of the risk inherent in being involved with Anbu. Iruka understands... he's lost, or almost lost, students, who are sort of his pack.
> 
> A nurse checks them into their suites at the hospital and walks them through the rules and regulations. Iruka is freaked out, so Kakashi offers to lend him his blanket. Iruka agrees, but insists on lending Kakashi the quilt from his couch so Kakashi has something that doesn't "smell like hospital." (Awwww.) Kakashi leaves to go to his own suite.


	18. Chapter 18

This heat was always going to be a little rougher than previous ones because he'd delayed it with heat suppressants, but with his nose buried in Iruka's blanket and the double dose of the hormones from the injections running through him, and without a reason more important than his own discomfort to motivate him to hold himself together, Kakashi's heat was so much worse than he ever could have imagined.

After what he thought was about the second day, Tsunade and Sakura (when had she gotten that scary strong?) had to restrain him from his writhing every six hours so that they could give him antipyretics to try to control his climbing fever.

In a moment of clarity, he used the largest heat management toy he owned, one that he'd never actually even used before, but the convulsions and the terrifying sense of emptiness only worsened. Heat sickness. His body needed an alpha's knot. But he refused, knowing that the only alpha he would accept was one who wouldn't – and couldn't – agree.

He slept only rarely and usually woke immediately because of the fever-induced nightmares, and he could barely eat. The injected hormones, he foggily heard Tsunade explain at some point, were overloading his system, and because he was producing his own hormones in addition to the injected hormones, his body wasn't able to break down all of the hormones the way it normally would. Thus, his heat was, instead, only one extended wave.

About four days later, he barely noticed their shared, worried look as they strapped him to a hospital gurney so they could give him antiemetics to control his vomiting, nutrients to control his malnutrition, and chilled intravenous saline to address his dehydration and still-dangerously-high fever. Nurses came and went to tuck ice packs around him when the chilled saline proved insufficient. He'd long since lost his voice to screaming and sobbing.

Thankfully, they had the sense to let Kakashi keep his alpha's – Iruka's, he tried helplessly to remind himself, not his alpha's – blanket with him. It often felt like the only thing still keeping him sane.

Another four or five days later, through his delirium, he thought he heard Tsunade and Sakura arguing with someone in the hallway. But that would mean the door was open, which didn't make any sense.

He was far too sick to turn his head to look to see what was going on. But he knew something was terribly wrong. Even rebound heats were never supposed to last more than seven or eight days, and he was well into day ten by his count. He wouldn't have been surprised if his count of days was low, either, since he went in and out of awareness constantly.

"–need to see him!"

He smiled exhaustedly through another wave of nausea. For once, his fever dream gave him something pleasant instead of another nightmare. His alpha's voice, angry though it was, comforted him. He felt disconnected from his body, even as his body fought the bonds keeping him in the gurney.

"No, you–"

A bang, somewhere distant. The wail of a fire alarm. Running footsteps. The sound of the door being shoved open.

"Oh, my god."

His alpha's scent curled around him, warm and spicy and painfully, mouthwateringly appetizing. Kakashi heard the strangled sound of desire break from his own throat, hoarse from his long days of screaming and sobbing.

"Kakashi," his alpha's voice breathed in his ear.

Kakashi's eyes snapped open, and his whole body yanked desperately against the restraints holding him to the bed. His whole body convulsed with the need to have his alpha filling him.

"Kakashi," Iruka said softly again, his voice catching.

Tears were running down his face. This puzzled Kakashi, even as his body thrashed against the restraints. Why was his alpha crying?

"Iruka-sensei, _out_ ," Tsunade's voice commanded sharply, bright, jagged alpha pheromones pricking Kakashi's skin. He writhed.

"Alpha, please," he tried to say, but only a painful whine came out. His throat was too raw for speech. He still fought the bonds, half lifting himself from the bed before collapsing back with another convulsion.

"Iruka-sensei, we need you to leave _now_ ," Sakura said from somewhere far away.

No. Nonononono. He needed his alpha. He needed Iruka.

He whined again, his fingers opening and closing on empty air.

Iruka's hand was so warm on his wrist. It made him want to cry.

"Please," he whispered, feeling tears making tracks down his temples.

"I'm here," Iruka said gently, his hand still wrapped around Kakashi's wrist, his other coming up to cup Kakashi's neck. Kakashi turned his face into Iruka's palm and nosed at Iruka's wrist. He smelled like fresh rain in the forest and smokey whiskey and spices and warm amber. Kakashi breathed in deeply, his whole body straining against the restraints to reach his alpha.

"I'm right here, Kakashi," Iruka repeated softly. "It's okay. I'm right here. You can sleep. I'm right here."

"Need you," Kakashi rasped. He could feel the words tearing up his throat as he forced them out.

"I know," Iruka said gently, tears still running freely down his face. "I'm sorry. I know it hurts. It'll be okay. I'm here. You can sleep."

"Command," he begged.

Iruka blinked, puzzled for a moment, and then it clicked.

"I'm right here, Kakashi. _Sleep now_ ," he commanded, his alpha pheromones a cool river running over Kakashi's fevered skin.

Kakashi took a long, shuddering breath, and as he sighed a long, trembling exhale, the tension began to run from his body.

"Oh! His fever's broken," he heard Sakura's voice say in wonder.

"I'm right here," Iruka assured him again.

And finally, Kakashi slept.


	19. Chapter 19

"How are you feeling?"

Kakashi groaned, keeping his eyes closed. He tried to lift a hand to his face and found it bound to the bed. Thankfully, someone had removed his heat management toy from his person. Small blessings. "Like I got caught on the wrong end of an exploding tag. Or eight."

Iruka chuckled. "You look like it."

"Thanks," Kakashi said dryly. "What are you doing here?"

"Waiting for you," Iruka said. "You're late again."

"How long?"

"You've been asleep for almost three days," Iruka said. "You were in heat for over two weeks."

"Ugh. That explains a lot," Kakashi muttered. "How was your experience?"

"Not half as bad as yours," Iruka said. "You weren't doing very well."

Kakashi cracked one eye open to look over at Iruka. He was sitting next to the bed, some papers in his lap.

"What happened? Are those Academy assignments?"

"You had a bad fever, and you started having seizures. And yes. I fell behind on grading."

"That explains the restraints," Kakashi said tiredly. "I'd rather not do that ever again."

"You and me, both. I just about had a heart attack when I saw you in here, thrashing the way you were."

"I'm surprised they let you in," Kakashi said.

"They didn't want to," Iruka admitted. "I, uh, may or may not have set off a chalk bomb by the fire alarm. And I may or may not technically be under arrest for it."

"Iruka!" Kakashi yelped, trying to sit up. He fell back when he hit the restraint stretched across his chest.

"I had to see you!" Iruka said defensively. "And it's not like I did any permanent damage. Tsunade-sama said she'll pardon me, because I was able to get your fever to break, apparently. But she won't pardon me until you're checked out of the hospital. Which means you can't sneak out, or I'll be thrown in jail, by the way."

Kakashi's eye widened. "Oh."

"He saved your life, brat," Tsunade said from the door, her arms crossed in front of her. "Tch. You're so contrary."

"Maa.... Wait, what? How so?"

Tsunade smiled grimly. "You wouldn't listen to a single one of my commands for the whole two weeks. Iruka-sensei walked in and told you to sleep, and you were out like a light."

Kakashi felt a flush rise on his face.

"Sorry," he said quietly.

"I'm not offended," Tsunade said, her look softening into amusement. "I know you would have been off like a shot if I'd given you mission orders, even as sick as you were. But apparently I can't order you to relax. I have to say, I'm impressed. I didn't realize you'd learned to resist commands quite so well during your stint wearing the mask."

"Ah... sorry," Kakashi said sheepishly.

Tsunade shrugged. "It's a good thing. Well, it usually is, anyway."

"I guess we're both stubborn," Iruka said with a small smile, his eyes on Kakashi's.

"I'm not going to dignify that with a response," Kakashi told him, but he smiled.

"You're on bed rest for at least another day," Tsunade told him, sauntering over and beginning to open the restraints. She nodded at Iruka, who began working on unbuckling the ones on his side of the bed.

Kakashi frowned. "Wait."

"What is it now?" Tsunade asked without looking up from her work.

"That was heat sickness, wasn't it?" Kakashi asked slowly.

"You could call it that," Tsunade said, pushing the blanket up to undo the restraint around Kakashi's ankle. "Of course, it's difficult to correctly classify, since you were also feeling the effects of two doses of synthetic hormones."

"Iruka... treated me?" The only treatment Kakashi knew for heat sickness was being knotted by an alpha.

"Not exactly," Iruka broke in, a blush beginning to spread across his face. "Your seizures became less severe as soon as I touched your arm. They went away completely when, uh...."

"You scented his wrist," Tsunade said. "And then he commanded you to sleep, and your fever broke and you fell asleep. I've never seen anything quite like it. I'm looking forward to running tests on samples of that synthetic hormone. The Anbu squad brought back plenty for me to take apart. I'm hoping to use it to develop a new heat suppressant, with Iruka-sensei's help. It really was remarkable."

"Oh. Now I know there's something wrong with you," Kakashi told Iruka, fumbling clumsily at the restraint around his waist.

"What? Why?" Iruka demanded, offended. He pushed Kakashi's hands away and unbuckled the restraint.

"I was in heat and scented you, and you still didn't do anything? I know I'm not the most irresistible omega out there, but I know what my scent does to people."

Iruka smiled sheepishly and pulled down the collar of his shirt. A seal had been plastered to his skin. He let his shirt go again, hiding the paper.

"Blocks the chakra pathways to the nose and mouth," Tsunade said, pulling down her own jacket and to reveal the same seal plastered to her shoulder. "You can't taste or smell anything while you're wearing one of these. How else are we supposed to treat omegas in heat, hmm?"

Kakashi blinked. It took him a moment for his thoughts to come rushing back to him. "Why didn't I know about those?" he demanded. "Medics all used to wear respirators!"

"Iruka improved them," Tsunade said, pleased.

"After the day I, uh... after you found out I'm an alpha," Iruka said embarrassedly. "Before my modifications, it used to be that they had to be paired with a respirator because they just didn't work well enough. Everything I've eaten for the past three days has tasted like chalk. It's pretty gross. I'm looking forward to taking it off."

Kakashi laughed. "Of course you would find a miraculous way to be around omegas in heat without a problem, and you would complain about how your food tastes."

"It's gross!" Iruka protested, looking put out. "It makes ration bars taste like real food."

Kakashi shuddered. "That sounds horrible. I take it back."

"You two can talk about lunch all you want. Later. I need to give you a checkup so I can get back to my rounds," Tsunade told Kakashi. "Up."

Kakashi climbed from the bed awkwardly. His muscles felt like mush. Shaky mush. Jelly, maybe.

Iruka steadied him and Tsunade handed him a medical mask. He pulled the mask on over his face, then he peeled his trousers and his masked shirt off. He tossed them on the bed, ignoring Iruka's sudden interest in the wall. 

Tsunade lifted her hands and they hummed with green chakra. She hovered her hands over his skin, running them up his body.

"Alright, brat. Go take a shower. I can't even smell, and I can tell you stink," she told him, wrinkling her nose. "I'll check on you again tomorrow morning, and if everything looks good, you'll be free to go."

Kakashi smiled over his surgical mask. "Thank you."

"And don't forget, Iruka-sensei gets pardoned for setting off a bomb on hospital property only after you're cleared and released. _Formally_ ," she added, giving Iruka a glare. Iruka blushed.

"I remember," Kakashi said, rolling his eye.

"See you," Tsunade said, letting herself out.

Kakashi waved over his shoulder at Iruka, closing himself in the shower.

It was amazing, really, how much of a difference a single shower could make. Just fifteen minutes with hot water and some scentless soap made him feel remarkably human again.

Hearing Iruka yelp and seeing him flush bright red when Kakashi stepped out of the shower, nude except for the mask and a towel wrapped around his waist, was pretty good, too.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _ **Warning:**_ Some negative self-talk and self-slut-shaming. To avoid this, skip from "Iruka blinked. "You're... not sure?"" to ""I can't tell you what anybody else thinks, but I don't think you're a slut or a cheap floozy. I don't," he said firmly." Brief summary of the portion between those lines provided at the end.

"I'm sorry I got my scent all over your blanket," Kakashi apologized after he was dressed in a pair of clean uniform blacks, his surgical mask once more replaced by the mask of the shirt. He sat down on the edge of the bed, enjoying the softness of it after having been restrained in the gurney for who knew how long. "I can wash it for you."

"An unavoidable byproduct of my having lent it to you during your heat," Iruka said, shrugging. "I'm not concerned about it. I'll wash it; don't worry about it." He smiled. "Thank you, by the way. For your blanket. And for your advice on the nest and the, uh, heat management devices."

Kakashi smirked. "Have fun?"

Iruka rolled his eyes. "Heat should be used as a torture and interrogation method. Oh, wait, it was," he said dryly.

Kakashi snorted. "And now you know why I used to find partners."

Iruka looked over at him, brow furrowed. "'Used to'?"

Kakashi shrugged like it wasn't a big deal. "I haven't, since that day at the bar."

"Oh. Why not?" Iruka wanted to know.

Kakashi shrugged again. "It just hasn't worked out that way." Iruka didn't need to know that Kakashi had chosen not to make it work out that way anymore on purpose.

"I see," Iruka said thoughtfully. "Kakashi, may I ask you a personal question?"

"I might not answer, but I don't tell you what to do with your mouth," Kakashi said, leering cheerfully.

Iruka flushed. "Pervert," he muttered.

"Reputation," Kakashi reminded him. "So what's the question?"

"Have you ever slept with anyone, you know, not in heat? That you wanted to, I mean. And not as part of a mission."

Kakashi looked up at the ceiling, making a show of contemplating. "Hmm. No. Wait, once I– oh, no, that was for a mission, too. I guess I haven't."

Iruka blinked. "You're... not sure?"

Kakashi smiled over his mask. "I'm a slut, remember?"

Iruka colored, but interestingly, he didn't look embarrassed. He looked... irritated? "Choosing to have sex with people relatively freely does _not_ make someone a slut," he burst out furiously. His scent flared, faint from scent suppressants but still jarringly jagged. "That's a demeaning, invalidating thing to call someone, and I do not tolerate it in the classroom, and I will not tolerate it from you, understand?"

"Yes, sensei," Kakashi said, cowed in part out of sheer surprise. "But–"

"No. You are _not_ a slut, Kakashi," Iruka snapped.

Kakashi looked away. "My behavior isn't anything to be proud of," he said quietly.

"Maybe not, but it's not something to be ashamed of, either, unless you deliberately harmed people through your behavior, outside of mission parameters," Iruka retorted sharply.

"I've been accused of being a heartbreaker," Kakashi offered mildly.

"Have you misled people? Made them believe that you were offering something beyond what you gave them?" Iruka's voice had gone kind again.

"No," Kakashi said sullenly.

"Have you used sex to deliberately harm anyone, outside of mission parameters?"

"No," Kakashi repeated, more sullenly.

"Then you have nothing to be ashamed of."

Kakashi looked away sullenly. Even Sasuke would have been hard-pressed to look more sullen. "I'm ashamed that I've treated myself cheaply. Who wants a cheap floozy?"

That made Iruka go silent.

"Kakashi...."

Kakashi flinched.

"I can't tell you what anybody else thinks, but I don't think you're a slut or a cheap floozy. I don't," he said firmly. He bit his lip. "You know, not everything that's given away cheaply, or even freely, is without value. Some things, which are of the greatest value, have to be given away freely to be valuable."

Kakashi huffed dismissively. "That doesn't make any sense."

Iruka hesitated. Then, slowly, he said, "Kindness. Companionship. Care. Forgiveness. Love."

Kakashi looked down at the floor.

The silence stretched between them, fragile and knife-edged.

"No, I've never slept with someone outside of heat," Kakashi said quietly. "There was... someone, when I was younger, that... maybe I would have. I don't know. She'd just presented as an omega. She liked me, and I... I didn't want to like her, but I did. She died. I killed her. Chidori." He hesitated. "I hadn't even presented yet."

"Oh, Kakashi," Iruka breathed.

"It's nothing. It was a long time ago," Kakashi said. He felt so old. "Obviously."

"It's not nothing," Iruka said gently. "It sounds like you really cared about her."

"Of course I did," Kakashi said bluntly. "But she's dead, now, so it doesn't matter."

"It does matter," Iruka said. Kakashi felt the bed dip as Iruka sat beside him. "Kakashi...."

"What?" Kakashi snapped, glaring at the floor as though it had insulted him.

"May I have a hug?" Iruka said.

Kakashi looked up sharply, expecting to see something cold in Iruka's face, but instead, he found himself watching, blankly entranced, as tears crawled down Iruka's cheeks, etching two gleaming paths. He could smell the salt in Iruka's tears.

"Why are you crying?" Kakashi heard himself ask confusedly.

"Because it hurts," Iruka replied simply.

"Oh."

And then Iruka's arms were around him, and he was puzzled to feel hot tears spilling down his own cheek, sinking into his mask.

Iruka sensed that the angle was awkward and moved up the bed, coaxing Kakashi to follow. He laid down and pulled Kakashi half on top of himself, one arm wrapped over Kakashi's shoulder, the other, stroking Kakashi's damp hair.

"I can't do this," Kakashi whispered into Iruka's shoulder. "I can't do this."

"Shh," Iruka hushed him gently. "It's okay."

"I can't do this, Iruka. I already care too much. If I were to lose you, too...."

"You're not going to lose me," Iruka said gently, still running his fingertips through Kakashi's hair. "I'm right here. It's okay. I'm not going anywhere."

"You don't understand," Kakashi whispered. "Everyone I care about dies."

"Everyone dies, Kakashi," Iruka said softly. "But by building connections with one another, we create something larger than ourselves. And people live on, in those connections they make. You know that."

"I'd rather you live a long life of contentment," Kakashi said bitterly, even as his fingers, the traitors, closed more tightly around a handful of Iruka's shirt. "Even if that means you're not part of my life."

"Not a chance," Iruka said, sadness and amusement blending together. "Not without you in mine."

"Don't," Kakashi said, squeezing his eye shut. "Please don't."

"It's okay, Kakashi," Iruka murmured. "You're stuck with me until you get checked out, anyway, remember? It's okay. You don't have to think about what comes next. This is all there is, right now."

Kakashi took a deep breath and sighed it out heavily. "Right. Okay." He nosed at Iruka's throat, taking comfort in the warm scent enveloping him.

"Kakashi."

"Mm?"

He could feel Iruka smile.

"I love you."

Kakashi froze, but Iruka's fingers didn't change the way they stroked his hair, nor did Iruka say anything else. Finally, after a long, breathless moment, Kakashi made his muscles relax, slowly, like wax softening in the sun.

"I know," he finally said.

"Jerk," Iruka said, chuckling.

"Obviously."

"I meant what I said, you know. Back in that mine. I felt like I needed that alpha, but I wanted you."

Kakashi froze again, his hand clenching into a fist, as an ember of heat glowed to life inside of him.

"I'm not in heat anymore, but I'm still a little hair-trigger, and I can smell your rut," Kakashi warned. "We shouldn't have this conversation right now."

"I'm not in rut. I had my rut at the same time as the pseudo-heat, weirdly enough. Kakashi, I'm not going to ambush you in the greengrocer's again to talk about this," Iruka said mildly. "For good or for bad, I love you. And for your information, I want you. I want to do dirty, unspeakable things to you."

A frisson of desire ran down Kakashi's back and curled in his gut.

"Seriously, Iruka," he warned again.

"I'm being serious," Iruka said. His fingers slipped from Kakashi's hair to under his chin, tipping his face up to meet Iruka's gaze. "I want to take you apart, piece by piece, and make you feel things you've never even dreamed of. I want to taste every inch of your skin, and I want to make you moan, and scream, and beg, until you can't even remember your own name."

Kakashi shivered. "That's not fair. How can you say things like that?"

Iruka smiled, and there was a predatory edge to it. "Because, Kakashi, you make me feel like an alpha."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brief summary: Iruka asks Kakashi if Kakashi has slept with anyone outside of heat. Kakashi calls himself a slut, and Iruka essentially yells at him for slut-shaming and tells him that choosing to have sex doesn't make him a slut. Iruka points out that Kakashi never used sex to harm anyone (specifying outside of mission parameters, because ninja), and that he never misled anyone or made them believe he was offering something outside of what he gave them.


	21. Chapter 21

Iruka seemed to drowse easily, even after the things he'd said to Kakashi. But Kakashi laid beside him, encircled by Iruka's arm, tension and heat coursing through the length of his body, for a long time.

After his extended heat, his arousal was sore and achy, and his heartbeat felt too powerful in his veins. Yet there was something pleasant about it, a visceral reminder that this particular desire was uniquely provoked by the man who currently shared his bed. It wasn't like the impersonal desires borne of heat. This was deeply personal.

Iruka.

He felt an emptiness he'd never noticed before, not inside of him, but at his shoulder. He shivered. He'd always rejected even the idea of being marked by a mate. He was better used by Konoha, better mated to Konoha.

He shivered again. He had a fine leather omega collar for his heats, but he had only ever worn it to prevent others from marking him if they wanted to. It had never occurred to him to wear it to prevent something he might want. He... wanted Iruka to mark him.

No.

Iruka had been kidnapped because of him, had undergone torture to protect him, and had risked arrest – no, had been arrested – to help him. He was wearing a seal that made his food taste like chalk, just so he could protect Kakashi.

Iruka loved him.

Iruka was good. He was kind and protective and understanding and forgiving. He unfailingly persisted, even in the face of hopeless odds. He had done his best to save his first sexual experience with someone he loved, for crying out loud! He'd even endangered his own health by taking too many rut suppressants to protect Kakashi, on that awful day at the bar. He'd protected Kakashi even through an artificial heat while chained in a cell in a mine. He would be a martyr before he would harm another. He deserved everything the world could give him.

And what was Kakashi? An assassin. Ex-Anbu. Manipulative, high-risk, married to Konoha, cheap with his body and deadly with his hands. A target in every Bingo Book he'd ever seen. The chances of him living to 30, though getting better every day, were still depressingly low. He was a loner with no social skills, who regularly managed to put his foot in his mouth when it came to Iruka. He was a lazy, porn-reading shinobi who perpetually stank of blood and death and who barely qualified as a human being outside of his profession. He had gotten those closest to him killed, or he had killed them, himself. He deserved nothing but that which Konoha deigned to give him.

So. He would desperately cling to the memory of Iruka's comforting musk, and do his best to remember the warmth of Iruka's hand on his waist, and he would remove himself from Iruka's circle, taking one large step away.

He would never, he knew, be able to fully remove Iruka from his life. The world was too dark and cold for that. But he would content himself with seeing the sun shining on others.

And he would sink back into the shadows and earn his place in the Bingo Books.

Why did the decision hurt so much?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two steps forward, one step back....


	22. Chapter 22

_ Two years later _

Iruka had never been the type to hold a grudge. He was nothing if not pleasant and professional, though he avoided Kakashi studiously, throwing himself instead into his work at the Academy and at the Mission Assignment Desk. Kakashi suspected that the only reason Iruka hadn't resigned from his work at the Mission Assignment Desk was because Kakashi was buried under the mountain of paperwork stacked in his office in Hokage Tower.

Some part of Kakashi thought Iruka might say something. Occasionally, Kakashi would see Iruka at the greengrocer's, and their eyes would meet, but then Iruka would strike up a conversation with whatever person happened to be nearest to him. Ever popular, he was perpetually surrounded by acquaintances and friends. They formed a barrier more impenetrable than the best seal.

Sometimes at night when he lay in his bed, staring at his ceiling, Kakashi couldn't help but wonder what Iruka had seen in the Infinite Tsukuyomi. But whenever it came up in others' conversations, Iruka was mysteriously nowhere to be found. And Kakashi would never dream of asking Iruka. Asking what others had seen in their Infinite Tsukuyomi dreams was even more taboo than asking whether they'd marked someone. Particularly because he didn't even have an answer.

The world was so cold without Iruka in it.

It was on one of these cold days that Kakashi saw Iruka walking alone along one of the balconies of the new Academy building. It was rare to see Iruka alone.

"Oh. Rokudaime Hokage-sama! I'm sorry," Iruka yelped, grabbing for papers fluttering through the air.

"Stop with the titles, please. You have nothing to apologize for. I wasn't looking where I was going," Kakashi said cheerfully, lowering his book so he could meet Iruka's eyes. But Iruka had already looked away and was collecting the papers that had gone scattering across the ground when Kakashi had not-so-accidentally flickered into him.

Kakashi tucked his book away. He bent and began helping Iruka collect the papers. School assignments, by the look of them.

"It's fine," Iruka said briefly. "I'm sure you have somewhere to be, Hokage-sama."

Kakashi ignored the sharp discomfort in his gut at Iruka's impersonal tone.

"Just Kakashi. Please. I'm just enjoying a day off," he lied, forcing casual cheer into his voice. Shizune or Shikamaru would probably hunt him down sooner rather than later, but when he'd been left alone in the tower and looked down to see Iruka walking along that outdoor walkway of the new Academy.... "I thought I would see how the new building is coming along."

"I see," Iruka said. "Well, I won't keep you." He wasn't even listening.

"Iruka-sensei...."

Iruka looked up, a smile fixed on his face. "I have exams to prepare. If you'll excuse me."

"Of course," Kakashi said, handing the papers he'd picked up back to Iruka. "Sorry to have interrupted you."

He couldn't help it. He wanted so badly to see Iruka look at him again, really  _ look _ . He let his chakra control slip, justa little, and Iruka's smile dropped like it had been hit with a poisoned katana. His eyes widened, black with abrupt, obvious lust at the pheromones rolling off Kakashi's skin.

He skittered backwards, his movement reminiscent of a day so long ago in a bar, and fell backward onto the cement hard, papers crumpled in one fist.

"P– pull yourself together, Hokage-sama," he gasped.

Kakashi slammed chakra down on his scent glands, wincing at the hammerblow of ache in them. "Sorry," he mumbled.

"You– you said you didn't want–"

"I know what I said," Kakashi said sharply, standing and shoving his hands into his pockets. It had been a moment of weakness, wanting Iruka's eyes to land on him. A moment of weakness, nothing more. "I said I'm sorry."

"Right," Iruka said quietly. "Right. I'm sorry."

Kakashi turned away. "Iruka-sensei...."

"Y– yes?"

Kakashi hesitated. "What did you see? In the Infinite Tsukuyomi?"

There was silence behind him.

Then, in the barest whisper: "You shouldn't have saved me." A pause. "From Pein."

"You're wrong. I wouldn't hesitate to do the same thing all over again. You're more important to Konoha than I am," Kakashi said flatly without looking back. "All I can do is follow orders and kill Konoha's enemies. Don't." He held up a hand before Iruka could interrupt him. "I know how important it is to have a Hokage. But there are others. You're the one who makes Konoha out of its children. You can't be replaced."

When had silence between them become so torturous? Their companionable silences, while Iruka graded and Kakashi sprawled across his couch, seemed like they were from a lifetime ago.

"Are you happy?" Iruka's voice was painfully gentle.

"Yes," he lied.

The silence stretched between them again.

"That's good," Iruka said softly.

Kakashi heard him get up, slowly, and walk away.

Kakashi didn't move until long after Iruka's steps had faded away.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 3/14: Happy pi day!

Kakashi sighed, drumming his fingertips on the tabletop as he contemplated his cup of saké. The flask had long since gone cold, still just as full as it had been when the waitress had placed it on the tabletop.

"Is there anything I can get for you, Hokage-sama?" the young woman asked nervously.

"'Sama'," Kakashi echoed, disgruntled. "Stop it with the 'sama'." He watched the tiny ripples dance across the surface of the saké in his little cup. "I don't need anything."

"Ah... we'll be closing soon, Hokage-sama," the woman said apologetically.

"Ah." That was why she was bothering him: she wanted him to leave. He sighed. And she would insist on calling him Hokage-sama until her last breath, too, probably. Why did everyone insist on treating him so formally, now?

He handed her some bills, produced with sleight-of-hand from his wallet. "No change," he said.

"Th– thank you, Hokage-sama," she said, bowing.

Once she had retreated, he threw the contents of the cup down his throat. He left the untouched flask and made his own retreat from the restaurant.

The night was cold, winter in the air, carrying the smell of snow on the way. February had brought with it the cold, and if the heaviness of the air was any indication, Valentine's Day would be a white day. He felt his lips quirk into a tiny smile at the stupid half-pun.

Konoha had gone quiet for the night, the sounds of rebuilding silenced with the onset of darkness. Apartments stood, sentinels against the cold. Civilians and refugees and orphaned children, too many of them, had been the first to be rehomed. Families were next, then genin, then chūnin. Many jōnin had been settled, but the War haunted a large number of them. Many of the jōnin and Anbu still made camp around the boundaries of Konoha, melting into the shadows of trees, feeling safer in the wild than in a city.

Kakashi didn't feel like heading out to the trees, but he really didn't feel like heading to the new Hokage Residence. He had a bed, there, despite his insistence that the homes of Konoha's other shinobi should be prioritized over his. But five months after he had been given the paperwork to formally be named Hokage, he still had yet to sleep in his bed even once.

It was better, of course, than his relationship with the couch. He had yet to even sit on the couch in the Hokage Residence, though he told himself it wasn't because he missed Iruka's couch.

Which was long gone, destroyed during the attack that had reduced Konoha to rubble, along with Iruka's quilt and everything else from their former lives.

In some ways, it was a blessing. There were no more buildings for ghosts to cling to, no remembering his father standing at this shop or one of his dead friends eating candy in front of that one. Even the engravings in the new Memorial Stone were subtly different, and the comfortable friendliness he'd nurtured with the names had disappeared with the strokes of a new mason's characters. The cemetery had been one of the few places that had remained relatively untouched, but there were too many new names there, and Rin had moved on.

So he didn't go to the Hokage Residence, nor did he go to the Memorial Stone or the cemetery. Tsunade no longer even expected him to stay at the Hokage Residence most nights, anyway.

Instead, hands in his pockets, he wandered down the streets until he found the plot of land where the Hatake family home had once stood. The wooden wall that would surround the property still stood only half built, and though he knew Yamato would rebuild the remainder of the wall as well as the buildings, it was so low on the list of priorities that it would probably be a year at least before a building stood here again. That was Kakashi's intent, anyway. There were no plans for anyone to live here again, after all, since the Hatake name would die with him.

"Hokage-sama?"

Kakashi held himself still.

"Iruka-sensei," he drawled lazily, his words coming out in puffs, glowing pale in the moonlight. "Bit late for you to be out, isn't it?"

He heard the shifting of cloth as Iruka shrugged.

"I could say the same to you."

"Couldn't sleep. I still don't feel like I belong in the Hokage Residence. Maa, it's particularly strange since Tsunade-sama is still living there, too."

"It must be odd," Iruka acknowledged. "I imagine it's very different from the apartment you had in the jōnin block. And a roommate! I can't imagine."

"Very," Kakashi agreed. "There's even space for a couch."

"How often has Shikamaru had to track you down there to wake you up from a nap?" Iruka teased, a smile in his voice.

"I haven't slept on it."

"Oh," Iruka said, his voice emptied of humor. "You must be very busy."

"I just haven't wanted to," Kakashi said, tucking his hands in his pockets. "There's always a big stack of papers on my desk to fall asleep on, anyway," he added with a small smile.

Iruka chuckled. "Paperwork! Your favorite pastime."

Kakashi made an unimpressed noise. "Truth be told, I still haven't finished going through all the paperwork that formally makes me Hokage."

"I'd wondered why there hadn't been an inauguration ceremony," Iruka admitted.

"No, that's–" Kakashi hesitated. "The truth is, I'm not sure about it," he said quietly. "When I had the sharingan, it was one thing, but now that I.... Well." He wasn't sure what it was about the cold darkness of this February night that strengthened his words and made him able to admit secrets he hadn't spoken about with anyone else.

"Of course you're qualified," Iruka said as simply as he might have said the sky was blue, correctly guessing what Kakashi hadn't said. "The sharingan gave you an advantage in many ways, but you were still the one who wielded it. It would have been wasted on most people. No matter what resources you have, you use them intelligently. And you're devoted to Konoha and its people. What more could we ask for, from our Hokage?"

Kakashi sighed tiredly. "Please don't, Iruka-sensei."

"I'm confident that you'll be a good Hokage," Iruka said quietly. "I'm not just saying that. I mean it."

"I don't want to be Hokage," Kakashi said. "Walk with me?"

"Where?" Iruka asked.

"Here," Kakashi said, motioning at the property. "I'm thinking of putting in a koi pond. Trees. Wisterias, maybe. A vegetable garden, for when I retire. What do you think?" He'd already marked out a lot of the property and planted some trees, and he'd put down stones to mark a place that would one day be a path.

There was a moment of silence as they walked over grass and weeds and dirt, and then: "This was the Hatake estate?"

"The one and only," Kakashi confirmed. "Though the Inuzukas have been bothering me to sell it to them for two decades."

"I'm glad you haven't," Iruka said, something strange in his voice as he followed Kakashi onto the property.

"Why?" Kakashi asked.

"I don't know," Iruka murmured. "Anyway, where else would you raise pups?"

"I'm not going to have pups," Kakashi said, a little too sharply. "I'm the last Hatake. When I die, this property will get parceled up and sold or given away. Maybe the Inuzuka family will end up with it. I don't know, and I don't care. I just kept it for selfish reasons, that's all."

"Oh," Iruka said.

They walked for a little longer, Kakashi trying not to clench his jaw. He didn't want to think about the pups he had selflessly sworn he would never have. He knew what it was, to grow up a lonely genius, son of a famed shinobi whose next mission could well be his last, and it was something he was unwilling to do to his own pups. And to think of the danger he would put them in, merely by existing....

"I miss my friend," Iruka said abruptly. "I miss you, Kakashi."

The lack of an honorific struck him like a blow. Kakashi almost missed a step despite the brightness of the moon overhead, but he caught himself, only barely stumbling.

It took him longer than it should have to collect himself. Finally, he did, finding too-empty words. "I'm sorry," he said, his tongue grappling against the truth. "I told you, it's not about whether you can handle the risk of knowing me. It's about whether I can handle the risk of your knowing me."

"We live in a wonderful village," Iruka said quietly. "People help one another, and support one another. I want to be able to support you, too. I still consider you my friend, you know."

Kakashi didn't say anything, unsure of what to say.

"If you don't want to be Hokage, what do you want?" Iruka asked.

Kakashi couldn't stop the small chuckle that broke from his throat.

"Why is that funny?" Iruka demanded, bristling.

"It's not that it's funny, it's just that I'm not sure when the last time someone asked me that is," Kakashi said. "I'll be grateful until I draw my last breath that I can serve Konoha in the ways that I do. If that means taking on the mantle of the Hokage, that's what I'll do. But if I hadn't been a child prodigy, or a genius? If I hadn't been so invaluable as a warrior? I don't know."

Iruka thought about that for a moment. Then: "You know, I was almost kicked out of the Academy as a kid. For a year or so, there, after the Kyūbi attack, I became really poorly-behaved. A bit of a delinquent. Not harmless pranks. I didn't take anything seriously. I stole things. I didn't care about whether I hurt people or not."

Kakashi snorted at the thought. " _You_?"

"I'm serious! I started thinking I might have to find a different career path. I never did figure out something else I'd enjoy doing. I thought I'd run away to the south and become a fisherman. Can you imagine? Me, a reckless, stupid pre-genin. I've never even seen the ocean," he added, barking a humorless laugh.

"Really? Not even when you went to the Island Turtle?"

"It was too foggy to see the ocean when I was there. Stupid, isn't it? With my name."

"I have to admit, I'm a little surprised," Kakashi admitted.

"My parents were refugees from Mist," Iruka explained. "My parents were Ikkaku and Kohari, so of course they had to name me Iruka." He smiled lopsidedly. "I was born in Mist, but my understanding is that we came here right after I was born. I used to pretend I had family in Mist who would teach me to fish."

"Do you have family in Mist?" Kakashi wanted to know.

"No," Iruka said briefly. He hesitated. "There was a rumor that my family had a kekkei genkai, so.... Anyway, we were the only ones to escape."

Kakashi frowned. "So... does your family have kekkei genkai?"

Iruka shook his head. "Not that I know of. I don't know what it was supposed to have been, though. My parents wouldn't talk about it, and nothing ever showed up in me, at least not that I know of."

"Was your family a notable clan?" Kakashi asked curiously. It had never occurred to him that Iruka's family may have been a sprawling clan, once.

"No." Iruka shrugged. "My family was defeated by Kirigakure and annexed in, when Kirigakure was founded, apparently. That's partly why my parents were the only ones in my family to escape. No one else could get out of the village before they were slaughtered."

"Oh," Kakashi said softly.

"Your family must have been pretty big, once," Iruka said, looking around at the grounds illuminated by moonlight.

"A few generations ago, maybe, but the Hatake name has been in the slow process of dying out for a long time. You can tell by the hair." He flopped down on some grass, motioning at his own mop. He hesitated. He'd never told anyone this before, and it was doubly hard, knowing that Iruka had been betrayed by his best friend. "I always thought Mizuki must have been distantly related to me, but I never found anything confirming that. It would have been from before the founding of Konoha, if he was. Nobody else has hair like mine. I'm the last one."

"Huh," Iruka murmured, sitting down on the grass beside him. He seemed remarkably unperturbed by this small bombshell. Perhaps it wasn't as unexpected as Kakashi had thought it was. The thought made him a little uncomfortable. "So everyone in your family has fair hair?"

"Gray hair, you mean. All the men," Kakashi said, amused. "Very occasionally, apparently some of the women would, too."

"I'd call it silver."

Kakashi chuckled. "Sure, silver."

"So you're the last Hatake, huh?" The question sounded sad. "Why?"

"Because everyone else is dead. What do you mean, 'Why'?" he said blandly.

"Why not have a family?"

"Why should I?" Kakashi asked, shrugging. "I hate children. I'm a warrior, not a mother hen."

"You might be able to fool other people, but I've seen you with kids," Iruka reminded him. "With Team Seven, and when you've been at the Academy during lunch. You love kids."

Kakashi bit back an angry retort. It wouldn't do any good to sound defensive. He had a feeling Iruka would see right through his lies. Because it was true, he did have a soft spot for children, and he found it easy to be patient with them and listen to them.

"I'm good with kids. That's not the same thing," he said evasively. "You sound like you want pups." Ugh. Shut _up_ , brain!

He saw Iruka's melancholic smile out of the corner of his eye.

"I did, once," Iruka said softly. "Not without the right mate, though."

Kakashi knew when to back off on a conversation, and this was definitely one of those times.

"Well, it's nice that you have all the students at the Academy, then," Kakashi said. 

"It is," Iruka agreed.

They sat in silence for a long moment. Iruka had begun to shiver, but he made no move to leave, only wrapping his scarf more tightly around his throat.

"Cold?" Kakashi asked.

Iruka shrugged. "A little."

Kakashi got up, hunting in a mound of dirt for stones. Finding a couple, he brushed them off of dirt, then set them down on the dirt again.

The small _katon_ left afterimages dancing in his eyes, but once the stones had cooled enough to touch, he passed them to Iruka.

"Oh," Iruka said with the wonder of a child seeing his first firefly. The single exhaled word warmed Kakashi's heart far more than the fire-heated stones had. "That's a good idea." He tucked them, and his hands, into his pockets. "Thank you."

"It's convenient during missions up north, particularly when there's snow," Kakashi agreed. "Minato-sensei gave me the idea."

"That's right, he was your jōnin-sensei, wasn't he?"

"Mm."

The silence grew between them once more, the passage of time marked only by the twisting, spiraling clouds of breath as each exhaled.

Eventually, Iruka climbed clumsily to his feet.

"I'm afraid for you, you know," he said, looking out over the property, his hands tucked into his pockets. "I'm afraid that someday, you're going to love someone, really love them, and you won't be able to handle it, and you'll lose them. We fight for our packs, Kakashi. We protect our packs. We nurture them. That's the Will of Fire. Without it, without something to fight for, we're nothing."

"I...." _I already have loved_ , Kakashi wanted to say. _I already have lost_.

He wished he still had the sharingan, only so he could weep from it and blame Obito for being a crybaby. Instead, he stared dry-eyed at the still-half-wrecked Hatake land. He imagined two little boys and a girl with silver hair, and another girl with long, dark hair, all dark-eyed and laughing as they chased one another around the yard of a house that didn't exist. Pups who would never be.

"Thank you for surrendering to friendship with me again for a night. It means a lot to me." Surrendering to friendship.... What a sad thought.

Iruka turned away and straightened, professionalism settling onto his shoulders with ease. Kakashi was impressed despite how much colder it made the night; he'd never seen someone slip on a professional persona so decisively outside of the moment a member of Anbu tied on one of the porcelain masks. "Hokage-sama," Iruka said by way of excusing himself.

"'Sama.' Stop with the 'sama'," Kakashi said plaintively, but Iruka was gone.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warning:** Spoilers for _Kakashi Hiden: Lightning in the Icy Sky_ ([link](https://naruto.fandom.com/wiki/Kakashi_Hiden:_Lightning_in_the_Icy_Sky) to summary of the novel at Narutopedia) all over the first half of this chapter. The first half of this chapter is basically one giant spoiler.
> 
> If you don't want the spoilers, please read from the line, "Formal correspondences were beyond him."
> 
> PS Wish me luck on my final biochemistry exam! *dies* (@_@)

_ A little over a year later _

"It's not a love letter," Kakashi snapped, throwing the shreds of his last letter attempt in the wastebasket. "I thought your stories about this was supposed to be a stupid prank! Let it go!"

"I don't know, Kakashi-sensei, you look pretty serious about it," Naruto snickered. "Looks like a love letter to me. What's that, version twelve?"

Kakashi rolled his eyes. "She's my responsibility, Naruto," he said, annoyed.

"What's this about a love letter?" Iruka-sensei's voice broke in.

"Oh! Iruka-sensei, this pervert is in love with that woman who tried to kill him on the Tobishachimaru balloon! Kahyō-grandma!"

"She's not even forty, Naruto," Kakashi corrected, unwilling to look up to see Iruka-sensei's face. Iruka-sensei had made it clear, through stiff bows and formal language, that he had moved on from his feelings for Kakashi.

And Kahyō had been striking, with her delicate, curling tresses, her enormous eyes, and her deadly ice. An opponent who could have killed him with barely a thought, and whose love, in redemption, was expansive.

"I guess you're old, too," Naruto agreed, shrugging. "At least she's pretty, I guess. And her ice release is neat!"

"She sounds like quite the woman," Iruka-sensei said. He glowered at Naruto. "Still, you should know it's incredibly rude of you to bother Hokage-sama about his personal life. And Hokage-sama isn't old. I taught you better than that!"

"'Sama.' Stop with the 'sama'," Kakashi said plaintively. "Just Kakashi."

Iruka-sensei looked up and met his eyes, and Kakashi's breath caught in his throat. What had he expected to see? What had he _wanted_ to see? Certainly not the easy, professional smile that Iruka-sensei wore. But those dark eyes were a little tight, and Kakashi wasn't sure if it was irritation at Naruto or something else that prevented the smile from reaching them fully.

"If you're done with Naruto, he and I still have some studying to do today," Iruka-sensei said politely, bowing. "I'm sorry I lost track of him, and that he bothered you. I'll do better to keep my eye on him in the future."

Iruka-sensei glared at the irreverent, sulking Naruto and shoved his head down into a bow.

"Apologise, Naruto," Iruka-sensei growled.

"Sorry, Kakashi-sensei," Naruto said peevishly.

"You're never going to make Hokage at this rate," Iruka-sensei was saying as he dragged Naruto out of the room by the collar of his jacket. "I expected you to take this seriously. Do you want Hokage-sama to give up on you?"

"No!" Naruto yelped. "I just needed a break, that's all!"

Their voices faded off down the hall, and Kakashi sighed. He looked down at the letter from Kahyō once more.

Even her letter paper smelled faintly of lavender. It wasn't an unpleasant smell, though it wasn't appealing in the same way an alpha's was. Still, in another life, he could have tolerated having a family with someone as fearsome as Kahyō.

That kekkei genkai, though, he thought a little dreamily to himself. Now there was a talent that could defend a whole family, no matter in which Bingo Books the family's name appeared.

It didn't escape him that he daydreamed more about her kekkei genkai than the woman, herself. She was attractive, though her looks reminded him a little too much of Kurenai, and that was a little weird.

He wasn't in love, though he'd tried to convince himself that he was for awhile. Kahyō was a sweet woman, the sort who could easily be given a starring role in an _Icha Icha_ novel in her journey of loss, corruption of morals, and redemption. It was easy to pretend that their letters were the backdrop of a new _Icha Icha_ novel in the making.

But they weren't. There wouldn't be any more _Icha Icha_ , and this fanciful what-if was just that: fanciful. It was neither what he could ever actually have, nor was it something he even actually wanted.

He made a note to himself to ask Shikamaru to compose a letter back to her on his behalf. Formal correspondences were beyond him.

That decided, Kakashi turned his thoughts to other, more pressing matters. Naruto would be ready for the jōnin exams within the next year, hopefully, but he still had a great deal to learn before he could become Hokage.

Kakashi sighed, eyes falling to his stacks of paperwork. He was drowning in the stuff, and it gave him a newfound respect for Iruka-sensei's stickler tendencies when it came to mission reports. He should upgrade Iruka-sensei's security clearance, so he could be the one to accept A- and S-rank mission reports. He'd make sure the reports were up to snuff.

Wait. Kakashi had forgotten that Iruka-sensei no longer worked at the Mission Assignment Desk five days a week. Since he was tutoring Naruto for the jōnin exam, he now only picked up Mission Assignment Desk shifts on the weekends.

So much for that idea.

He glared half-heartedly at the thankfully small stack of mission report scrolls that had come in overnight. Those needed to be reviewed, accepted, and filed before he could escape for lunch, and he'd already been putting them off this morning, knowing that the majority of them would be messes to interpret, and likely missing important details.

The problem with having two major wars in his lifetime (okay, there were a lot of problems with that, but the one that was currently rankling him) was that the jōnin of today were under-trained and lacked appreciation for procedure.

Being a jōnin meant something, once. It took years of hard work. Even he had taken six years to progress from chūnin to jōnin, and he'd been no slouch. Naruto would be able to do it in a few years years mostly because of his ability to use a frankly ridiculous number of shadow clones to accelerate his learning, and partly because most of what was missing in his knowledge was book-based, and because his ninjutsu was some of the best in the world. After the end of the Fourth Shinobi World War, it seemed inane to hold him back from becoming a jōnin. Yet for all that, his strategizing was mediocre at best, his usage of ninja tools left something to be desired, and his version of diplomacy was... well, it was effective, usually, but it certainly wouldn't work in the kinds of formal situations faced regularly by jōnin and by a Kage. And yet he would soon be qualified to be a jōnin.

Hell, at this point, they might as well call Iruka-sensei a tokubetsu jōnin.

Kakashi grumbled at his desk. Iruka-sensei had skill with seals and an encyclopedic knowledge of Konoha's history, enough to train jōnin hopefuls, but he certainly wasn't qualified to be a tokujō.

To his credit, Iruka-sensei knew it, and had never tried to take the exam, but a number of shinobi at a comparable skill level with less self-awareness had swelled the jōnin ranks over the past four or five years. Of course, Tsunade hadn't had a choice in allowing them to pass, because they desperately needed people to take those higher-level missions to hide how the war had decimated their ranks.

He would never say so, but Kakashi had to respect the fact that Iruka-sensei hadn't tested for jōnin or even for tokubetsu jōnin.

He didn't necessarily respect the fact that Iruka-sensei didn't train to qualify for the jōnin exams, because he had a distinct feeling that Iruka-sensei had the potential to reach that level of skill, but he understood Iruka-sensei's reasons. His place was at the Academy as a teacher. One didn't need to be a jōnin to teach at the Academy, so why spend time trying to advance in a way that didn't matter to him? Besides, if he were a jōnin, he would likely end up with a genin team and later be sent out of Konoha on missions. That would be a mistake on a number of levels. Iruka-sensei just didn't have the killer instinct necessary for a jōnin on the field. He would go out and never come home, and Konoha would have lost someone irreplaceable.

Enough navel-gazing. He picked up the first mission scroll he needed to review and tried not to groan.

Naruto couldn't become Hokage soon enough.


	25. Chapter 25

_ Two years later _

Kakashi listened as he gazed into the empty bowl that had just previously held ramen.

"I admit I'm grateful for the opportunity to be promoted," came Iruka-sensei's careful cadence. "Besides, I know I should strive to advance. But there's a part of me that wants to continue teaching kids one-on-on."

Promoted? He hadn't been aware that Iruka-sensei had become interested in becoming a jōnin. Still, perhaps something had changed. Maybe helping Naruto study had motivated him. But why hadn't Kakashi heard about this opportunity for Iruka-sensei to be promoted? In fact, why was a promotion even a consideration right now? The next jōnin exams would be in the fall, almost half a year away.

"Of course! You shine in the classroom, Iruka-sensei! Yes!"

As correct as Ebisu might be in his statement, he was altogether too gung-ho about it.

"I think you're a little too happy," came Konohamaru's voice, sounding thoroughly unimpressed. Apparently, he agreed with Kakashi's assessment about Ebisu's energy levels.

Kakashi winced. Konohamaru had to put up with Ebisu for some time, now. No wonder he had little tolerance for Ebisu's excitability.

Kakashi snuck a look over at the three men down the counter. Iruka-sensei appeared disturbed.

But goodness, he looked good in the new flak jacket. It showed off his physique far better than the old one had, and the color seemed a far less bland against his skin than it did on other chūnin. It made his eyes look darker, too, and Kakashi was hard-pressed not to remember the way Iruka-sensei's pupils had fixed on him, blown wide with lust, in the past.

"What's to be done?" Kakashi said, as if to himself.

The three reacted sharply, partially startling him. "Ha?" he asked, as though first becoming aware of his fellow diners.

"Kakashi-sama!" Iruka-sensei blurted.

Ugh. He hated how formal everyone had gotten with him, but where others' formality was exhausting, Iruka-sensei's still stung. At least he'd finally stopped calling Kakashi "Hokage-sama."

"'Sama'," Kakashi groused, "stop it with the 'sama'."

"Since when have you been here?" Konohamaru demanded. Ah, the impertinence of youth. "I didn't notice you at all!"

"Ahh, well, you were all getting worked up, talking about Iruka-sensei," Kakashi said vaguely, smiling and scratching at his mask a little awkwardly. "I thought it'd be rude to barge in on your conversation."

"Kakashi-sama–"

Kakashi glared. Just a little bit.

"I mean, Kakashi-san," Iruka-sensei corrected himself, making Kakashi smile. "Is something bothering you as well?"

"No, no," Kakashi said, cheerfully waving away Iruka-sensei's concern. "What about you? What happened?"

Konohamaru brandished a sheet of paper with a broad smile of his own. "He was asked to take the advancement exam for vice principal!"

Kakashi blinked. "Vice principal? Oh, now that you mention it, that's a thing." He'd completely forgotten the previous vice principal had retired at the end of the academic year.

Iruka-sensei would be an excellent vice principal, and it would make him even more indispensable to the Academy. And goodness knew he was more than qualified – the man probably filed paperwork in his sleep!

Iruka-sensei was saying something that was probably self-deprecating and meaningless.

"The advancement exam? You..." Kakashi mused. Iruka-sensei would take the exam, of course– wait. Wasn't it being held the same day as Naruto's wedding? Then he'd miss the event.

That wouldn't do at all. One more schedule Kakashi needed to finagle, but he might be able to do that.

He turned and smiled ruefully at Iruka-sensei. "Mm, that'll be difficult." All this scheduling was going to give him ulcers. Just thinking about it was giving him ulcers. Maybe Iruka-sensei had been saying something about putting off taking the exam until the next time the position opened. He sort of hoped so; he couldn't imagine Iruka-sensei risking missing Naruto's wedding. That would be a problem that solved itself. Still, though, Iruka-sensei would be an excellent vice principal.

He put a generous number of bills on the counter for the ramen. He wanted to check the schedule and to speak with the Academy administrators about Iruka-sensei's opportunities. "Well, I'd better get back to work. Thanks for the meal," he tossed over his shoulder as he left, still deep in thought about all the things that needed to be done by the end of the day.

Naturally, Shizune had other plans for his afternoon's time. And for the next several days. The Academy vice principal exam slipped his mind until the end of the week.

In the meantime, he found himself organizing a meeting with the Council, corresponding with the other Kages regarding Naruto and Hinata's wedding, attending to mission requests that had come in, and arguing with a group of nobles who insisted Konoha shinobi help collect taxes (the answer was, as it had been since the founding of Konoha, and as it would remain until Konoha had passed into mere legend,  _ no _ . That's what tax collectors were for). He did, ultimately, confirm with Shizune that one day of the advancement exam would be held on the same day as Naruto's wedding.

He supposed it no longer mattered that he hadn't gotten a chance to meet with the administrators at the Academy, since Iruka-sensei surely wouldn't take the exam, now.

Everyone but Shizune had gone home for the night, and he'd escaped to hunt down dinner despite her scolding him about his ramen intake. True, he ended up at Ichiraku more often than not, which he told himself was unrelated to the fact that Iruka-sensei was eating more frequently there, lately, too. He just happened to enjoy ramen, and it was fast enough for him to eat when he still had piles of work to get done. Which was always.

He ignored the presence of the pre-genin outside of his office as they left. He could only hope that they would destroy some of the awful mission reports. "So sorry, some pre-genin spilled ink on your mission report, could you please re-submit it? Ideally correctly, this time?"

The thought amused him, and he chuckled as he took in the cool evening on his walk to Ichiraku. It might be a petty hope, but no one else had to know about it.

"Good evening," he said, ducking through the noren.

"Oh, Hokage-sama! Welcome," Ayame said cheerfully, not at all surprised to see him for a second time that day.

"Look, please stop with the 'sama'," Kakashi said wearily as he sat.

Though he wasn't the only one here for a second ramen this week, he immediately observed. Ebisu looked like he hadn't moved since earlier in the week, and Konohamaru looked more or less amused at the pained, vacant expression on Ebisu's face.

"Hm? What's wrong, Ebisu-sensei? You look dazed," Kakashi observed. Admittedly, it was a funny expression on the man, though one he wasn't used to seeing on Ebisu.

"We were just talking about how it seems Iruka-sensei will pass the advancement exam," Konohamaru said, pleased.

"Eh? Iruka-sensei plans to take the exam?" Kakashi asked, surprised.

"That's right, and it's because of your influence," Teuchi-san said, even more pleased that Konohamaru, if that was possible.

"My influence?" Kakashi asked blankly. "What do you mean?"

Interesting, he thought embarrassedly as he listened to Ayame's story. He had only been listening with half an ear at lunchtime the other day and hadn't even noticed when he'd been completely misunderstood by everyone present.

It made him miss having the luxury of reading while holding conversations. The task of trying to keep track of his duties as Hokage was much more preoccupying than a book, frustratingly.

"It played out like that, did it?" he mused. "No, I didn't mean it that way, though."

Ebisu's loud sobbing, tears streaming down his cheeks, should probably have embarrassed Kakashi, but at this point, he was used to the quirks of jōnin omegas. At least the man kept control of his pheromones.

"What do you mean?" Konohamaru asked, apparently used to Ebisu's outbursts.

"To make a long story short, the advancement exam–"

"Kakashi-sama!" Shizune shouted, bursting in beside him and slamming her hands to the countertop, beside herself with agitation.

"Like I've said, cut it out with the 'sama'–" Kakashi tried.

"More importantly, something awful's happened!"

Kakashi resisted the urge to laugh when she told him the Scroll of Seals had been taken. He suspected she wouldn't take well to being laughed at, and she wouldn't understand why he was laughing.

He got up with a sigh, paying for his meal so he could let Shizune drag him back to the Tower. Hopefully, the student was one of Iruka-sensei's students. The man had a sixth sense for where his students had gone, and the matter would be resolved within an hour or two at most.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _ **Warning:** Shippūden_ spoilers like crazy from here to the end of the final chapter. If you don't want spoilers, my next story in this series, "Indecency," will begin where this story leaves off, but with minimal spoilers for _Shippūden_.

"There is no excuse for what my student did. I take full responsibility," Iruka-sensei said altogether too politely, bowing and placing the Scroll of Seals on Kakashi's desk.

Iruka-sensei had outdone himself this time. He'd gotten the scroll in under an hour. He clearly wasn't paying attention to all of the elements of the circumstance, though. And he was being so serious. He was always funny to set off when he was being serious.

"Yeah? Then go ahead and check the contents for me," Kakashi said mischievously.

"What?" Iruka-sensei asked, puzzled. He opened the scroll and began reading aloud: "'To me, love is life. Love is everything... you see?'!" His voice pitched almost to a squeak as he realized what he was reading, his eyes wide with offended horror.

Kakashi held up his notorious, bright orange book with a bright smile.

"It's completely unrealistic that I'd put the real thing somewhere so easy to steal," he teased.

"True," Iruka-sensei acknowledged, defeated.

This wasn't good. Normally, he would be much more upset about the whole fiasco. He must be disappointed about the advancement exam, Kakashi supposed. Well, he'd just have to schedule a different day for the exam. If that meant throwing around his weight with the Academy administrators, so be it.

"Speaking of which, about the advancement exam," Kakashi began.

"It's as you said, Kakashi-san," Iruka-sensei said, downcast. "That position is far more weight than I can bear right now."

"What?" Kakashi asked. He smiled embarrassedly. He must have really made a bad impression on Iruka-sensei at Ichiraku that afternoon, if Iruka-sensei had become convinced he couldn't handle the position. "No, no, I didn't mean that. When I said it was going to be difficult, I meant it would be difficult because the day of the advancement exam is the same day as Naruto's wedding."

A spark came back into Iruka-sensei's eyes, cheering Kakashi.

"You're his mentor, Iruka-sensei," Kakashi plowed on. "I'd be unacceptable for you to miss his wedding, wouldn't it? So I thought about it. I'm thinking of reserving an additional day for the advancement exam. I really want you to become the vice principal, Iruka-sensei, and to serve as a shining example to all of the Academy teachers–"

"I'm sorry," Iruka-sensei interrupted. "I'm not going to take the exam after all." _What_? "I got carried away by the idea of going to Naruto's reception as the newly-promoted vice principal, but I forgot about the student who was standing right in front of my eyes. I've failed as a teacher."

"Failed" was a pretty strong word, Kakashi felt, but perhaps he was missing something. He waited to hear how Iruka-sensei meant to explain this particular self-assessment.

"I have no right to go celebrate with Naruto like this," Iruka-sensei said.

Apparently, he wasn't going to get any more of an explanation, but Iruka-sensei's self-deprecation had certainly hit a new low.

Kakashi sighed and bowed his head. As much as he wanted to say something, he wasn't even sure he had the right to. Once, he might have, yes, but he'd put distance between them. And he couldn't blame Iruka-sensei for maintaining that distance. Kakashi's conflicting desires had led him to push Iruka-sensei away every time the man had tried to show friendship to him, and Iruka-sensei had finally – wisely, if Kakashi was being honest with himself – stopped trying.

"First, I need to take care of my students. I need to properly cherish the things in front of my eyes. Then, and only then, can I properly congratulate Naruto."

"Properly cherish the things in front of one's eyes, yeah...?" Kakashi murmured to himself.

Iruka-sensei was out of his reach, but as Shizune had pointed out before, he did have something in front of him of deep importance. A responsibility he had been trying to evade.

"Yes, it is, isn't it?" he agreed contemplatively. He looked up at Iruka-sensei, feeling something that seemed almost like peace. "I've decided, too."

He called the meeting the next day, assembling all the jōnin currently in Konoha in the announcement hall, sans Naruto and Hinata. He wore the full regalia. It was time to do this the right way. Well, that, but actually, he did it this way mostly because it was funny. He really didn't need to make the announcement in the hall, nor did he have to classify it as a mission, but how else was he going to amuse himself? He deserved it, especially because of how much extra paperwork this method of determining wedding guests was going to cost him.

He gave the shinobi the mission of procuring celebratory gifts for Naruto and Hinata. He didn't like the fact that the gifts would decide who could attend the wedding, but that was the responsibility he had to bear.

"Kakashi-san, what's going on?"

This was unexpected. He hadn't known Iruka-sensei would ambush him as he exited the auditorium.

"We're going to assess each gift and give it a ranking to determine who will attend the wedding reception and who will be placed on mission duty for that day's missions. In other words," he explained, smiling ruefully, "we're going to sift and screen through the gifts." It never even occurred to him to lie to Iruka-sensei, nor did it occur to him to include Iruka-sensei in the gift screening. Iruka-sensei would be going to the wedding; that was not up for debate.

"But that's like... measuring their friendship," Iruka-sensei protested, dismayed. Apparently, whether he realized it or not, Iruka-sensei also realized that his attendance at the wedding was a fact.

"Yeah," Kakashi agreed slowly. "But what's in front of my eyes is more important than anything else, right?" He looked away. "I'm prepared to be called the worst Hokage in history."

"'The worst Hokage in history'?" Iruka-sensei repeated, bemused.

Hearing the words come in Iruka-sensei's voice burned beneath Kakashi's skin, festering like gangrene. He slammed chakra into his scent glands as he felt his control begin to slip, and winked extravagantly at Iruka-sensei to hide underneath his underneath.

"It's all thanks to you, Iruka-sensei!" He gave an overexuberant slap to Iruka-sensei's shoulder, sending Iruka-sensei stumbling down the hallway, where he caught himself on a wall.

Kakashi fled.


End file.
